I Was Put Here To Offend.

Feel free to Bleep Off!

Monday, May 29, 2006

Rough River

Very first thing to mention. There is a slideshow at the end of this post, BUT, you're better off to go ahead and read the post first because there are 99 pics on it and it takes about a minute or so to load up properly. So if you read this first, by the time you get to the end of it, the slideshow will have loaded up and you can sit back with some popcorn and enjoy the show. hehe. =)

SOOOOO, Camping was friggin awesome! Deena said that the State Park part of Rough River stunk cuz it was right by the Dam... well I want some of what she's been smokin cuz it didn't smell like anything but outside to all of us and we were right at the Dam. Lol.. it was actually kinda neat being by it cuz you could hear the rapids. =) Crazy girl. =) It was really nice. This was the first time I'd ever been to Rough River before and the first time Mik had ever been camping.... and the first time I believe that all the kids had been out on a boat.. cept maybe Tyler.. not sure about him.

Let me introduce everyone real quick so that your not sitting there like, um... who?
It was me and Sean and Mik (3)... Mom and Larry... Amy and Terry, her two kids Nathan (10) and Andrew (7), his two kids, Tyler (10) and Bethany (3)... Billy, Christina and Corey all went Friday night also but they left Saturday night because Billy had agreed to do Colors at church on Sunday. 14 of us total. gaawwwd. lol

Friday, after traveling 4 cars deep down the highway for an hour and a half we get there and go to the check in booth thingy. They told us everything was taken except primtive which is what I was wanting anyway.. lol.. so we went and found two sites together out of the maybe 5 spots left. They turned out to be nice sites... but on a really back slope. The picnic table was on a hill, the tents were on a hill, the fire was on a hill therefore your chairs were on a hill.... it definitly took a little skill on your own part, but once everyone got used to it.. we managed.
We got a nice fire going, got everything set up.. the kids immeditly disappeared... it was great. Mik and Bethany played so great together all day and night and day and night.. it was the absolute cutest thing ever. The boys are all so good with the little girls too... Everyone of the boys watch out for them and keep them out of what they shouldn't be in... I mean we let Andrew (7) take both the girls, (both 3) and go to the playground which was up the street waaay out of sight. And he did great! She has such good kids. I mean Andrew is still kinda young but Nathan is 10 and at 10 kids have such independance ya know... and I know Amy and Terry have been together for a year or so now but still... for only knowing Bethany for a year maybe and only knowing Mik for a few months...They both are so great with both of em. =) Anyway... We got to meet Tyler this weekend... that was nice, I was hoping he'd get to come also. He's an awesome kid too... and poor thing looks just like his daddy. hehe I'm kidding.. he's much cuter than his daddy... (take that TGeazy lol) But he's ALL BOY! He was one of the first to hop off the boat (without a life jacket) he was catching frogs all night every night lol, he's a good kid. And Sean just had a ball playing with them all weekend... Poor Guy prolly threw a football or baseball or something od the sort for like 20 hours combined.. but he loved it.

The girls weren't afraid of anything. Well Bethany was a bit freaked out by the lake, but other than that... theytouched the frogs.. they liked the spiders and lizards I'd show or catch for em... they wandered around in the dark by themselves (we could see em but they didn't know it lol) they were really good. Saturday afternoon and night were a bit rough with both of them but that's just cuz we spent all day out on the boat in the sun and swimming and everything and they were just so tired but just didn't wanna give in to it, lol. They both ASKED to go to bed Saturday night. And Mik fell asleep in the tent Saturday by herself and was pretty far away from us for a good 5 hours or so until we came to bed. I was REALLY impressed with that. The sleeping part was the part I was dreading most. I was really hoping they'd let her sleep with all the toher kids cuz I knew she'd be alright sleeping then... but she really surprised me. The first night... she went to bed with Mom and Larry cuz they turned in early and she seen the opportunity.. hehe but Saturday night she was so tired she didn't care.. lol Then Sunday night I laid in there and read to her and scratched her back till she fell asleep mostly and she was fine with that too.... so yay!

Saturdya morning... see Friday night we had decided that Me and Terry would ride up to the marina at like 7 am to ensure we got a boat for Saturday... yea well.. 7 am Saturday comes and he's OUT. lol so me and mom went instead... went to the main marina.... sold out for the WEEKEND! K, this was sat. mornign 7 am and all the way thru Tuesday was SOLD OUT. lol so I got directions from them to this other place in a diff. town and we go there... walk in and the lady at the register is on the phone taking a cancellation... by the time she gets off the phone theres like 3 people behind us in line... So we ask for a boat... and she says Well.... we were sold out till the lady on the phone just now cancelled this one... your first in line.. it's yours. YAY for Karma!
So.... the little "rule boy" that shows us about our lifejackets and shit stands there and watches us because theres a 10 person max on the boat... hmmmm... how to fix this? Sean, Christina, Billy, and Corey all say Ok we'll just meet you back at camp. So we all say tata and we get on the boat... Rule Boy let's us go. yay boat. We go around the bend and pull up at the beach which is FLOODED and there they all stand.. lol so we pick them up and spend the rest of the day on the boat. We went over to one of the bridges that you drive over to get to the campgrounds and Terry, Sean, Billy, and Corey all take turns jumping off.. lol it's a pretty high fukkin bridge too.. Terry was talking shit about jumping off this bridge all weekend.. and he's the first one up there.. and we're all sitting on the boat waiting on his chicken ass... hehe and this couple are driving by and stop and come up.. We were all sitting there like haha he's trying to pep talk terry when he takes his shirt off, goes out of sight, then comes running and jumps over the guard rail and into the water.. it was funny shit... so shortly after Sean goes up to do it.. terry jumps... then sean jumps.. and it look slike so much fun tha tbilly and corey had togo jump as well.. it was great but none of the little shits gave enough warnign to accuratly catch it on camera or video! Like I'd be sitting there wth it aimed and everything for so long it would go into power saver mode and then they'd jump and I'd press the button and then it would take too long to function and I'd getl ike the splash or their head coming up or something GAY cuz they couldn't warn somebody! Assholes.. lol But Tyler REALLY wanted to do it too but Terry wouldn't let him. Prolly wasn't a good idea.. that's pretty high for a little kid like that.. with no lifejacket cuz a lifejacket would have been a bad idea.. lol. Mikayla loved the lake so much that she actually JUMPED off the boat once... but we couldn't let them do that cuz it was like feet above flood level or something.. The beach was closed all weekend cuz of it. Bethany got in but she had to hold on to someone or she flipped out... not mik lol she got mad when you held on to her.. she wanted to swim around on her own... But then we went swimming at the pool later that night too and I think between the two waters being swallowed all day... the belly was little mad cuz she yakkedon my blankie Sunday morning... lol she was fine though after that... and that friggin campground had a friggin laundromat... Yea! a LAUNDROMAT! I know. I know.

Funniest thing in the world happened though.. And I guess maybe you'd have to know my daughter and my mom but maybe it can be funny for everyone. See my mom has fake eyes... and usually daily, she needs to take them out and rinse them off... well she's always managed to keep Mik from seeing her do it.. but... hang on.. I'm already laughing about it....breathe.. ok. Yea, so I'm peeing and I told Mik to go ut and wash her hands.. well mom thought she was alone and was rinsing her eyes off.. lololol oh gawd.... ok.. so I hear Mik say, kinda confused like... but in that innocent cute little girl voice ya know.. "Mamaw... are you giving your eyes a bath?" Mom of course started laughing and I damned near fell over cuz I'm hovering over the seat ya know... it was funny shit... so then I finish up... legs hurting lol... go out to wash my hands and Mik looks up at me and... and I swear here... her little chin kinda quivered and she just looked at me and said "I don't wanna do that mommy".... lol and I couldn't help it but I bust out laughing again... poor kid... lol but I couldn't help it.. it's just too damned funny.. you'd have laughed your ass off if you were there too.. lolol So I explained it all to her and she was ok and laughed as well.. she gets alittle freaked out still when she sees me brush my teeth cuz I have a partial in the front.. lol
So anyway... to sum it up... It was awesome. I'm so happy that she's a good camper cuz now... when we're like what can we do this weekend? let's go camping! yay!
Mik did get a tick this weekend. This morning... (monday) we woke up and she was off the bed all like stuck to the door.. lol she's such a rough sleeper... but when she woke up I seen it on her shoulder.. I know all her freckles so it was either dirt or a tick... and she flipped out when we tried to get it off her. The whole heat theory.... doesn't work for my kid.. you can't burn the tick while it's on Mikaylas arm... you can't even physically restrain her enough to do it.. lol sooooo.... I went over to our asshole neighbors in the pop up camper with a mutha fukkin generator... Yea a GENERATOR... in the PRMITIVE section... um hmm yea that kinda ticked me off a bit.. they turned it off at night though or we had planned to go snip a wire or something... lol But anyway.. I went and borrowd their tweezers to just try and grab it... well their tweezers looked like scissors and she was having no part of that either so as I went to take those back to the generator having non primitive assholes in the camper... she just picked at it and got it. I looked pretty good.. I seen no red mark.. no head... not even a bump so it must have just got her when we found it.. and of course I had to put a band aid on it.. lol kids are crazy.
Tyler thinks I'm the Wo-Man though cuz he had a splinter that was just killing him and he couldn't get anyone to get it for him and he came to me and I told him to close his eyes and he kept saying is it gonna hurt is it gonna hurt... and while he was asking me I grabbed it with the clippers and pulled it out and let go and he was like wow your awesome... hehe I'm always the friggin nurse. lol
It was a ton of fun though. Terry and Amy took their kiddos to the pool on Sunday but I had had enough sun and water for a day or so and so had everyone else lol so we went and played putt-putt and on the playground and drove around for about 2 hours just looking at the farms and stuff. We found this NEAT little outdoor theater thing up in Caynesville or some po-dunk town like an hour past rough river.... it looked really cool though. We went and got ice cream and matching toe rings.. hehe Mik always asks about my toe ring so I found little handmade ones that are really cute (see pic below hehe) and i got us both one.. actually.. got her two (cuz I'm smart like that) and went back to camp about an hour or so before everyone else got back... and when they got back, they said they were leaving that night... so after they left we had Sunday afternoon and night just us mik mom and larry... it was nice to get to spend some time with just them too... Mom had a blast and I'm so glad. =) We got to spend all kinds of time doing everything this weekend... it was really nice.

But, I told mom this too.... I'm THRILLED that Mikayla likes camping and that she's good when we take her... BUT, I still like camping sometimes without the kiddo.... This weekend wasn't the typical lazy do not much of anything relaxing weekend it usually is and I need that sometimes too. I still don't think I'll take Mik to the Gorge for a nother few years.... She needs to be able to understand rules a little better before she can go there... and I LOVE the gorge.. Rough River was beautiful and all but the Gorge is in it's own little category for me... I LUV it. AND... I'm a primitive girl.... I don't like to be able to even HEAR my neighbors... let alone see them.... hehe. =)

I get to see much much more camping in my future now... yay for me having the best daughter in the world! =)

Enjoy the pics.. and like I said.. there's 99 of em.. so it'll take awhile if you see them all but they are all worth it. =) I took like 300 something pics... 99 is the LEAST amount I could be happy showing. =)

Thursday, May 25, 2006

It's HNT again... woo-hoo!

It's that time of the week again. My how quickly Thursday comes around. =)
I was reading Os's blog earlier, which I don't get to check in on as much as I'd like to, but he had a link to this persons take on HNT, and I went and read it and really liked what he had to say so I thought what a better place to share it then with my HNT pic.. =) So click here.... and see an outsiders opinion on our nekkidness.

And once again, I've got a better pic lurking in the shadows this week.... you just have to think like a Robyn in order to find it. hehe

For those of you keeping tabs on me, We are leaving for camping tomorrow.. so this is prolly my last post till we get back from camping. Yay! Camping! hehe.. I'm taking the batteries out of my camera tonight to get them all good and charged up, so it'll be good to go. =)
Luvs.. hope everyone has a safe and Happy Memorial Day Weekend.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I luv you guys.

I have to say Thanks. I never realized so many people out there loved me. I just want you all to know that I printed out my comments from ym last post and put themin a frame. I'm gonna prolly scrapbook a page with them because every one of them made me feel awesome. I WILL be referring back to them as well as things come up and I need something to cheer me up. =)

Took grandma to her knee doctor yesterday, and they gave her a clean bill of health, said her knee healed perfectly and she can resume normal activity... so I'm gonna take her ot driving in the next day or two to make sure she's not nervous about it.. Grandma gets nervous easiey and sine she hasn't drove in almost 3 months.. I don't wanna just throw her back into it ya know.

I also found a wellness clinic located in Nevada that I've contacted. My mom and I get to visit family in az. in august so I'm hoping they'll agree to see her at this clinic while we're there. They have a lot of natural treatments that they've very successfuly used. It's worth a shot... I just keep thining more and more lately that maybe medicine isn't always the way to go. Maybe some of the natural and holistic methods are just as good. I'm going to check into natural doctors in my town also and see about getting me and my family signed up to visit one.

I've already done a few things like cut out most red meat from our diet. I've switched from hamburger to turkey and no one has noticed... I mean I told Sean lol but Mik doesn't seem to notice any difference. I think it tastes the same, only thing I find different is that ground turkey is a bit mushier than ground beef is, but the taste is great. I switched to turkey bacon and bologna a long time ago as well. It's just little things like this that I want to try out... just to see if it makes any differences. Most my family thinks I'm nuts or turning into a freak of some sort but I am so scared of cancer anymore... and these are all things that have been proven to cause it.

Going camping this weekend.. Despite all the hassle from last week... lol We're taking all the kiddos up to Rough River.... I've never been there before so it should prove to be lots of fun... already went and got all the food and supplies.. now I just gotta pack up our clothes and off we go. We're renting a boat on Saturday too and according to the weather it's supposed to be a beautiful weekend... let's hope they're right. Got Mik her own little sleeping bag and princess flashlight lol so she feels like a big girl now with her own supplies.

I'm soooooo happy that my mom is going too.... haven't been camping with her in like 15 or more years. We went and got them an air mattress so the old folks don't hurt their backs lol. And I waterproofed their tent for them the other day. I can't wait... bringon the weekend.

Anyway... just wanted to throw a quick update in here for all who's interested. =) I'm doing better now... had a talk with my hubby and all your comment son top of that really helped me put things in perspective. I guess I should expect to be sad about it every now and then but I can't let it sit in my mind the whole time and bring me down... Gotta live life to the fullest right?

Sunday, May 21, 2006

State of confusion.

I think I had a break down today. Sean said something ot me last night that hurt my feelings. I don't think he meant it the way it came out but it still hurt me.... and instead of following my own rule of never going to bed mad, I just went to bed. Woke up this morning and felt like crap about it.

When I tried to talk about it with Sean, it turned into a great big ordeal in which I told him everything thats been bothering me lately.

I think my main problem is that I have no one I can talk to. Sean is the one I turn to for support, and when he's not there to support me, I just fall. And I've been falling. So in between the tears I told him this, and he told me he was sorry.

See, last year, when mom last found out about her cancer, I kinda flipped out then and decided that I needed to start trying to prepare myself for her possibly dieing. Well everyone spazzed out on me and told me I was being silly and that I shouldn't think that way. TO just deal with it when the time came and not try and prepare for it. Well, I think my mind needs preperation, I don't think I'd be stable enough to just push it aside and worry about it after she's gone. I tried talking to Manda about it and she didn't know what to say to make me feel better. I tried talking to Sean and he said I was making a mountain out of a mole hill.... so I had no one. I refuse to make my mom help me deal with this, she has to deal on her own ya know.

So now, we got the word.... mom may only have another year with us, maybe less. She's got cancer all through her body... chemo isn't going to help. All we can do is pray. I have faith in god. He's seen me through some times in my life, and I know it was him that got me through it, and I know he'll get me through this too, but I also need physical support. I need my husband to hold me and let me cry sometimes... I need my best friend to call and see if I've had a bad day and if I have to say something like... hey wanna go to lunch.. or let's go for a walk. But I don't get either of those. I'm not trying to start shit.. really I'm not. I'm just trying to find an outlet, so far this is what I've found... my blog. I'll spill my guts to complete strangers and hope for encouraging comments and emails.

I talked to Sean today and he now knows what I need from him. I told him to imagine if his mom was dieing and he knew about it. He didn't like that thought, just the mere thought of it made him sad... so now imagine if it weren't just words, imagine if it were true.

We were supposed to go hang out with friends today.... let our kid play with their kids... hang out ith adults... have fun... feel wanted. I sent Sean and Mik... I stayed home. Why? I just want to be alone today. I'm so sad. I'm so lost. I don't even know what to say really, I just know that I don't want to quit talking yet.

I spend all day every day watching Mikayla, and taking this person here and this person here and doing this and doing that and I NEVER get to do anything for me. I need today for me. I need to be alone with me. I might clean the house, I might just lay in the middle of the living room floor and love on my cats for a couple hours.. I don't know.. I jus know that I don't have to do anything if I don't want to. I don't have to chase Mik, I don't have to take anyone anywhere, I don't have to answer the phone, or worry about paying the bills (not that this is a worry or anything but just actually rembering to pay them is a worry lol) or anything.... I just get to be alone. And it's kinda nice.

I say all the time that I have the worlds best husband... and I do. I truley belive I do... and it's like he told me today.... I can't expect him to know what I'm thinking.. I have to tell him. But I've been scared to tell him lately because of what happened to me last time I had these feelings.. I don't want people to tell me I shouldn't worry... I don't want to hear that htings will be alright. I want tohear that I have every right to cry, and feel angry and be sad, and be scared.. I want to be held. I want to know people love me. I want to know people will be there for me, and not just when it counts either.. I don't want people in my life that only come around or call when something happens. I'm not a fiar weather friend and I don't want fair weather friends. I need support. Sometimes I feel like Sean is all I have, yet sometimes I feel like I'm all I have.

I don't want comments like, well you have Mik.. Yes I have Mik but she isn't my support. She doesn't understand why mommy's upset and she doesn't know how to comfort me.. Not that her hugs don't mean the world to me, but I want hugs from those that know what I'm going through and understand what I'm feeling. Mikayla doesnt understand death and greiving. And her only thoughts on fear are child feelings you know... this is beyond that.

I'm not downing anyone, and I am not going to respond to any comments I get where someone took offense to what I'm saying because this isn't about you all, it's baout me.. and me only.. and I feel like I can be selfish here because this is my life and these are my thoughts. Sometimes I'm afraid of puting my whole into my blog here because I don't want to start any wars... But I don't care anymore. I'm not a hateful person and this isn't about anyone else. I'm not saying anyone isn't a good friend or anything like that. I'm just saying that I need more than what I'm getting. And f that's selfish then I'm sorry but thats what I need.

I sometimes feel like no one has time for me, yet I go out of my way to make time for eveyrone else.. and maybe that's my fault. Maybe I do too much for others.. or maybe I'm wrong in expecting a little of it back.. Maybe I'm supposed to do these things for others and just take the gratification that comes with it as my reward.

I tell you what I need I think. I need my Andy back. I miss being able to go talk to him, and being able to get an unbiased truthful response. I miss you andy if you're reading this. Don't think I'm a weirdo... but you really were one of my best friends. Besides Sean, your'e theonly one that always wanted to know what I was feeling.

I know I have manda and Deena I can talk to. I know I can call them anytime I want to. But I don't always feel like they want to talk to me. I'm not saying anyones a bad friend.. although I'm sure thats how it'll be interpreted, but again so be it. I'm just not as fun as I used to be, and I'm not sure if it's because of something I've changed or if it's because of something they've changed. It's funny that everyone claims they want honesty and then when you give it, it hurts someone. And I understand that all people change, you have to. Life is about changing. Reminds me of that song......

Lifes about changing... nothing ever stays the same
How can I help you to say goodbye? It's ok to hurt and it's ok to cry.....
come let me hold you and I will try....

I don't know if I just miss the good ole days, or what but something just doesn't feel the same to me. It may be because we prefer to stay home most the time, it may be because we don't have a lot of money to go ut and do things... it may be because we have Mik and it's hard to cater to a 3 year olds needs, it may be because I'm an asshole... who knows? I just sometimes wish that things didn't change like they do.

Like I said... I had a breakdown today. So now, I'm home alone... just like i wanted, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself today. I need to stop crying though. Maybe take a hot bath, or maybe a walk... take some pictures. Might clean a little, cook me a nice dinner.... I dunno.

If ya get a minute... send some love my way. =)

Friday, May 19, 2006

My Faithful Followers

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I'm supposed to be doing this demonstrator thing tomorrow for the first time. I've like filled out all my paperwork and took the training and whatever to do it, and I've received the little card thing they use in the mail.... and I've spoke with my lady and she told me tomorrow at ___ Kroger, bring a microwave, (yea iknow, but I'll get paid 30 x-tra for bringing it. so I'm taking my moms really small one.) She then tld me she'd call at a later time. Never heard from her. And I've lost her phone number. I've contaced the website or whatever but who knows how often those are read ya know... I don't want to not show up yet not call her at all either specially on my first job. I guess it's my fault for losing her number or for not searching her number beforehand.. but I thought I knew where her number was written down at.
See, I have a 3 year old... nuff said. piece of paper is gone...fact that answering machine is unplugged most the time..... lol
Soooooo.... I think first thing in the morning, I'm gonna call Kroger. If they know what it is that I'm supposed to be handing out, and the times I'm supposed to be there.. I'll just go and do it and then worry about hunting them down later for pay. But if Kroger thinks I've lost my mind... then I'm not sure what to do. *Shrug*
Yes I deleted a post. I saved it as draft actually and I still have the comments which I love. =) Thanks.
To recap that one though for those that missed it...
Grandmas surgery went well yesterday.... she was in and out in 4 hours. She helped me make dinner tonight.. Cabbage, fried taters and cornbread... hell yea.. does it really get better than that? =) ahhhhh
Moms doctor said her belly was healing great, took the stales out and said I'm not the treatment doctor, I'm the surgeon... talk to him. =) We talk to him next thursday I believe. But this one did kinda say.... no chemos gonna help to any extent.... want some pain pills?
Oh Oh Oh.... and my moms gonna go camp with me. We went to wal mart and spent waaaaay to much money (hers not mine lol, I gots all my supplies.... I'm a pro) but we got her an air mattress, and a coffee perculator cuz she really wanted one. She got fancy shmansy hotdoggy sticks... I just use nature hehe. She's silly.. but whatever makes it fun for her. We're gonna rent a boat one day. I'm sure ot have TONS of pictures.... maybe thats when I'll debut what I've been learning about videoblogging and my digital camera... Yea...... =)

Thursday, May 18, 2006


K, so this is the first anniversary of HNT... Woo-Hoo Os! You created something that has just attacked the internet, and it's friggin great. It's a time to do the things that you wouldn't normally do, and to show a side of yourself you don't usually show and I applaud you! Happy Anniversary!
So, in celebration, he has asked that we show our very first entry to HNT, and then to show another pic of our actual entry, but make sure it is in celebration mode. Well, me and my kiddo decided to paint our toes today, and then we took some pics... so since it's not very celebratory.. I went into paint and put fireworks on it.. lol, I'm so corny sometimes.... =) So here ya go... this is the link to the first one, and the other two are our new perty toes. =) Luvs....
I have a better HNT photo lurking too but you'll just have to find it.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006


This is Na-Nook. He's the one puppy that Brian decided to keep. Haven't posted any pics of the pups lately, so I figured I'd let you all see how damned cute he is. Never before seen a brown husky, so that just makes him that much cuter to me. hehe You can't tell but both his eyes are blue still. He's too cute. I LUV the ears.. hehe

Luv it

Yay! Sean got paid today.. His first paycheck in over a month.. been kinda rough here lately lol. But we get by. =)
I'm generally pretty good at estimating exactly how much we'll make on checks and shit, but this one was more than I expected.. so double yay! lol
And I get to work for the distributor place Saturday... it'll be my first time doing that too... after I di it once, they start giving you more and more work.. they just hafta see that you can do it first ya know. It should be a fun little side job though. I'm still considering finding something a couple nights a week too just to save for all our vacations.
Ya know, I never thought I'd be able to be a stay at home mom. I figured we'd neve rmake enough money for it, but now I see that you just gotta hop into it and work for it and it'll happen. I'm so happy with the way things are anymore. I love my life. True, there are some sad factors going on with me right now, but I can manage I think. I just really like it the way it is now... and whoever says staying at home with kids isn't a job.. can bite me! lol

I also wanna add something.. I got an email the other day about something I'd sent out asking fro prayers... this person was telling me that they weren't prayers... so this is for all of you that aren't christians. Just keep us in your thoughts then. I wasn't trying to say you have to pray or anything lol.. I'm the last person to tell you how to believe.. I'm not even positive in what I believe anymore. =) Didn't mean anything by it hun... you know you luv me still. =)

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

This is so me!

I found this shirt today.. and I WANT it! Lol, I need this shirt.. lol it's great.

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I wanna go here.. and here.. and here.. and here... lol

K, so I've got a lot of plans coming up. Yay for me.

The end of this month, we get to go camping. And I get to try out a new place, Rough River. I've never been there before, but I hear there's nowhere else in Ky. like it for cliff diving... hehe may hafta try that out. =)
And OF COURSE, just like everything else that we try to do.. it's turning into a big hassle, which I'm sure is my fault, but who cares? Me? Not anymore.
We've reserved two sites for the last weekend in May... And guess who's gonna go with us.. I'm so excited.. My mom and Larry. Yay! I haven't been camping with my mom since I was a little kid, I always try to get her to go with us when we go, but she never does and now she's gonna and I'm exciterated about it! I'm trying to build as many memories as I can with her now y aknow.. which brings me to my next point...

Me, Mom, and Mik get to go to Arizona the last week of August. I've never been there before, actually I never thought I'd ever get to go there for that matter.. Gonna try to see the Grand Canyon while we're there, and Cali and Nevada are both close by as well. Should be a good trip. I'm sooooo glad I get to take mom somewhere like tha thtough, and we're going to see my cousin Denielle and her family so that should be nice too. We miss them, and we've never gotten to see the baby yet.. We finally have a boy in our family lol.

Second week of September, we get to go to Parris Island South Carolina to watch Billy graduate Marine Corp Boot Camp. I'm super super excited about that... I'm really intrigued by parris island, so much heritage and history in that place.. I can't wait to see it first hand.. We're gonna stay a few days in that area, and then head on up to Myrtle Beach for a few days as well... Oh I can't friggin wait!

I have so many good things in my life, I'm so lucky. And I'm excited about my upcoming fe wmonths... =) yay for vacations on top of vacations.. lol

Monday, May 15, 2006

10 things game

This is how it works: Comment on this entry and I will give you a letter. Write ten words beginning with that letter in your journal, including an explanation of what the word means to you and why, and then pass out letters to those who want to play along.
I commented and Os gave me all the remaining letters he had cuz they all sucked lol.. so I'll try my best.. I'll start over with letters I guess if people comment and want to play... so my letters are "Q", "X", "Y" AND "Z". I'm going to use a combination of all the letters since I prolly can't come up with 10 good words for just one of those letters... are there even 10 words that start with X? lol

1. Year - This word means a lot to me, especially right now because it may be the length of time that I have left with my mom. Maybe not even this long.

2. Qualify- I registered my mom with the adult make a wish foundation... I'm hoping she qualify's so they'll grant her a wish and take her anywhere she wants to go.

3. Zanzabar- It reminds me of that song by Tenacious D that Sean like so well "I won't cook it for you but I'll order it from zanzabar"

4.Young- reminds me of my favorite person in the world... my kiddo... she's my young un'. She doesn't realize it but she's my motivation... wonder if she'll ever realize how imporantat she is?

5.X-treme- Yea I know... this ones kinda pushing it a little but my letters SUCK lol. SO X-treme reminds me of my family and the off the wall shit they come up with to argue about all the time. We all spent Mothers Day fighting.. it was awful.

6.Quitting- I'm still trying to quit smoking.. It's really hard to do but I will prevail.

7. Yellow- The color of the sun.... yea the sun, you may have forgotten what this is is you live in Louisville... we haven't seen it in awhile lol. But I'm hoping that it'll make an apperance here real soon again. =)

8.Quibble- Not sure if this is a real word or not, but it's what I spent my Mothers Day doing with my Uncle and annoying ass cousin.

9.Yucky- A good word to describe the cold that my kiddo just can't seem to shake.

10.X-ray- I have to take my grandma Thursday to go have the pins and hardware takin out of her knee... I'm sure they'll do some x-rays then. =)

So there ya have it. If you wanna play, just comment and I'll send you your letter. =)

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Happy Mothers Day Everyone!

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Don't give a fuck who likes it,
Don't really give a fuck who don't
Tired of always trying to please you
Don't count on it happening cuz it won't.
You think your opinions matter to me
But who the hell are you?
Some idiot who writes me occasionally
There aren't many people who tell me what to do.
I do what I feel I need to..
I don't need to run it past you first.
I'm tired of finding out your running your mouth
I'm barely your friend for what it's worth.
Friends don't talk behind your back,
they don't snicker about ya when your not there
When your sad they cut you some slack
And they are supposed to always care....
So, if you feel the need to write your peeps and say look what robyn did now...
Then also feel free to get a fukkin life..... need someone to show you how?

This is in response to an email I received from someone I won't name, but they forwarded me a conversation that someone I know had with them last week about me. They were talking about my post about my mom and what the doctors told us and how they thought it was just totally terrible of me to "share her business with the world". Umm.... what's the point of a blog? Right.... to share your business witht he world.. am I right? I mean, you don't write something on the internet if you want to keep it secret, DUH. You're just a fukkin idiot, plain and simple..
Does other people get thi smuch shit for their blogs? lol It's becoming more and more funny to me... I write about my daughter and people email me and tell me that I shouldn't do that cuz what if someone seen her out with me and recognized us? I'm not a scared person.. I've been chased by people trying to kill me before, I've been attacked, I've had abuse in my lifetime... I'm a pretty smart girl i think.. I'm not gonng hide in a corner on the off chance that soeone might recognize me.... ugh... I've had emails about me doing HNT and how wrong that is, I don't care if you like it or not.. if you dont like it, don't look.. plain and simple.. I've gotten emails about my pictures, I'v gotten emails about my language... what is my kids happened across your page and every other word they seen was fuck? Well FUKKIN sorry but I won't watch my language just cuz you can't figure out how to work the parental controls on your computer, or because your oto fukkin lazy to monitor what your child is doing... fuckers. lol It just kills me... I do this because it gives me a place to write things I've been thinking and to get feedback from my FRIENDS who know how to give constructive critisim. I'm NOT going to stop blogging... I'm NOT going to change what I put on here just to please you.. I'm NOT worried about pissing you off and I AM VERY tired of the threatening emails so please.... take this with every inch of me.... FUCK OFF Steve_O1942@yahoo.com. Yea I gave out your address... ya like that don't ya? He seems to havbe a problem with the word FUCK. lol

Saturday, May 13, 2006

I'm an Indigo. And They're right.

K, so this is pretty much me. Yep. =) Go to DavesBrain and take it yourself. I've been taking ideas from Brent a lot lately.. lol

Indigos are truth-tellers. They are quiet, alert, spiritual, inquisitive, patient, determined, guiltless, stubborn and honest. They can be blunt.

The reality of our world is a shifting, evolving, dynamic energy field. As part of this ecosystem, humanity is growing and developing. As the needs of the whole shift, changes need to be made in the parts that make up that whole. So it is with the auras. A new color-Indigos emerged, with skills, talents; and physical characteristics significantly different from those of the other colors. At this time, most Indigos are still children or young adults. I see Indigo children as a new color invested with new talents and abilities that will be necessary for our evolution. These children have unique characteristics for which we can only guess the purpose.

Parents of Indigo children have a special challenge-how to nurture and cultivate their unique children while at the same time helping them exist in the mainstream of contemporary society. The parents of some of these Indigo children will love and support their differences. Other Indigos will not be so lucky. In this chapter, I will be putting forth what I know intuitively about these children.

The significant thing about Indigos is that they have leadership capabilities unlike those we have heretofore experienced. They understand what it means to be a fully actualized human being without having been taught that concept.

The most difficult thing for an Indigo to develop is patience and forbearance. Because they seem to have already grasped what it means to be authentic, they have little tolerance for others who struggle with this issue. Indigos are not without compassion. However, their form of compassion is to give other human beings time and space enough to find their own answers, to come to their own resolutions.

I'm a spazz.. lol

Lat night while I was laying in bed, thinking, no doubt.... I was looking out the window at the shadows the tree branches were making.... And it looked EXACTLY like Courage the Cowardly Dog.... anyone know who that is besides me? lol Sean LOVES that cartoon. SO I had to wake him up to show him, and he agreed that it looked JUST like Courage. Man, we laughed forever about this too.. Lol and the top of the tree was making an alien and it was trying to eat Courage.. lol the things you think of when you're sleepy huh? You just had to see it to fully appreciate it I guess. hehe
Well, after Sean fell back to sleep I was still just sitting there thinking and I was wishing one of my cats would come cuddle with me. Got to thinking about this too and it just aggravates me, it's like they are doing this on purpose... I can sit or lay anywhere and both of them will get right up on my lap, or under my chin, or lay on my ass, or my back or just wherever they feel like plopping their rotten ass down, and expect love. But, let me get into bed...... and nope.... they won't cuddle... Sean says it's cause I roll and kick too much and they are scared mom will kill em or something lol but that can't beit cuz they sure have no problem once again laying on my ass and sleeping.. or curling up on my back or in the crook of my knees or my feet, but will NOT come cuddle by my head... bastards lol.

Mik stayed up till midnight last night. I think that's the latest she's ever stayed up before, or at least that I can remember. We went over to Amy and Terry's for dinner, which kicked ass by the way, and she just ran around with Amy's boys all night long.. had a blast. She was out before we even made it to the expressway of course, but she was good the whole time we were at there house, and she was sick on top of it all.

Her nana is keeping her tonight, imagine that. Not real sure what we're gonna do though, got invited to go down to 4th street, but I don't really wanna pay a cover anywhere. We also got invited to go watch Speed of Sound play again tonight at the Nugget, theres no cover there if you go before 9 and beer is only 2 bucks so I think that'll be our game plan... will just have to wait and see I guess. =)

Everyone have a good weekend.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Tacky or not?

Before anyone asks, yep I got rid of that stupid blogroll thing on my sidebar... with the help of a friend of mine of course lol.... Thanks! I'm gonna put the links back up tonight, just don't feel like messing with it right at this moment lol.

I think mom gets to come home today, they took out all her staples this morning and said she's doing great so hopefully she;ll call me in a few and say come get me. I do want to thank everyone that has sent me encouraging emails and left nice comments... your prayers and thoughts mean more to me that you'll know.

Me and mom talked about doing some things that she's always wanted to do, and she mentioned a nice vacation. She's never been on a real nice vacation before.. matter of fact, only one I remember my parents taking when I was younger was we all went to Florida once, and her and my dad went to Tennessee a time or two but other than that, I don't think she's been much of anywhere. Problem is... we're all poor lol.. I told her I'd beg for money if it meant I got to take her somewhere... she told me asking for donations was tacky... so tell me what you think... do you think it'd be tacky of me to do that? I've read peoples blogs before where they'd set uppaypal accounts to get people to donate money to help them with bills or whatever.. if they can do it why can't I right? So tell me folks.... should I try this or not?

I got her registered with hospice yesterday... they said they step in when a person has 6 months left, and then they stay around for 3 months afterward to help the family cope. Breaks my heart to have to do al this though... Doctors told us that our honly hope at this point was to pray for remission. My grandmother has been in remission now for 8 years so I know it's totally possible. =) gives me some hope.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Blue HNT

K, I'm not sure how many people actually read what I write on Thursdays, I know that sometimes I will read someones full post if it strikes my attention, but generally, I just look at pics and leave comments. Not sure if thats right or not but anyway, it's not the point lol.
Todays pics aren't exaclty my typical feel good pics, I haven't had a very good week. If you know me, or visit regularly, you understand. But anyway, I'm trying to let it settle in... I'm not like flipping out or anything, but I'm awfully scared. Hurts too. SOOOO, that being said... I am not nude in these pics.... and had it not been Thursday, I'd probably have posted them anyways cuz they reflect my mood pretty well.
It may not sound like a goo didea to some people but I think I'm goin to start using my blog here as more of a personal journal too, I need to talk sometimes and feel like I can't fully......but I'm gonna try it the other way now and see if it works. you'll still get to read it tho. provided you read it and not just scan by and say hey robyn's got a nice rack. I also need to quickly mention that next week is the 1st Anniversary of HNT so we're all supposed to celebrate it by posting 2 pics. THe first one you ever posted, and one showing celebration somehow. Go see Os if you're cunfused.
So, first pic is me messing with my color settings again, I get retarded when I'm fucking with my camera.... I'd just got out of a nice HOT bath, was still in towels. Which reminds me, theres a storm blowing in it sound slike and that is nice too.. I luv a good storm. ahhhhh, need some sleepytime tea and I'm good to go... maybe sit on the porch a sec, teill I get a mutha fukkin mosquito bite. yea.. that BUMP on my chin in the first pic... yea thats from one of those little BLOOD SUCKING vermin of the insect world assholes.
Second pic is my oh so sexi hunny.. and yea, thats why you get to see it... cuz he's so sexi, you can't tell me he isn't now can you? hmm. yea. ♥
third pic is one Sean took of me while I was watching tv after my bath.
Then i did this post... and now it's sleepytime tea time... ahh yea sleepytime tea..... =) Nite, please keep me and my family in your prayers. We need em right now. Mwah!

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

My Mom and her boyfriend Larry Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Very sad day

Well, today was moms surgery. They were supposed to take most of her liver and make her cancer free and healthy again. 2 hours into it, they called us back into one of the little conference rooms, so we knew bad news was coming. Dr. told us that when they opened her up, they found hundreds of little cysts all over her abdomen and diaphram, and when they biopsed them, they are all cancer. So she's just eaten up with it now. They closed her up, didn't even attempt the surgery. He said chemo wasn't an option anymore cuz she's already had too much of it, and no more radiation either because she's already had internal radiation and it has left a lot of scar tissue inside already. So when we asked the dreaded question, we got 6 months to a year is all she has left, if that. =(

I feel like someone has kicked me right in the chest. Like my ribs have just caved in. My head is swimming, my heart is barely beating, and I can't stop sweating. I'm so scared. I'm not sure how life is going to be without my mom. Hell, without parents period. Haven't had my dad for 12 years now, but I figured my mom would always be here, at least another 20 years or so.

I know I have to be strong, for myself, but for Mik, and for my grandma, and I can.. I know I can. I'm not going to focus on this though, or at least I'm going to try not to focus on this. I'm going to try and keep things how they've been and just make sure that everything I do my mom is included, that I spend every second I can with her.

I know I'm lucky in a way to have a warning. At least I get to make sure she knows all the things I need to know she knows.. but at the same time, it hurts to look at her and think... I may only have 6 more months with you. I can't imagine how it feels to her... can you imagine knowing your dieing? It has to kill her to see Mikayla and know that she'll never see her grow up. I hope Mik remembers everything about her mamaw.


Monday, May 08, 2006

It's a small world after all

Sean has this friend on Mojo that he really likes. I started talking to her as well, and we were talking about her sons science project last night and she said something about being raised by blind people..... So I had to ask her about it since my mom and Uncle are both blind. Turns out, she was practically raised by her Aunt and Uncle and both of them were blind... so I called my mom to see if she'd ever heard of either of them and she had. She knew them both... my uncle took guitar lessons from her uncle back when my uncle was a kid.... small friggin world huh? Mom's been to their house many times in her childhood and has even met Seans friend when she was just 2 years old... kinda wigged me out for a second.. It's just funny at the places you run into people that you've been connected to at some point in life. Was neat. Mom was really hapy to hear from her and to find out how everyone she used to know was doing now.

On another note.. moms surgery is tomorrow morning. It's gonna be about 7 hours long provided nothing unexpected happens. I've been real positive about it up until today.... I'm starting to get pretty nervous now though... since there is a chance she won't survive the surgery.. Taking her and my grandma to lunch today so that we can have a good day together just in case something should go wrong tomorrow. Everyone pray for her recovery, and for my strength through this. I could say more, but I'm better off to just leave it at this for now.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Your tax dollars hard at work!

I know you can't really tell what this pic is of, but I wanted to share it anyway. At the Chow Wagon, the cops were on 4 wheelers, and when we were elaving I snapped this shot of a whole group of them doing NOTHING.... which is really what most cops do best, but it was funny to get proof.. lol So here ya have it folks... your tax dollars hard at work. Enjoy the sun piggys. I had one other thing I wanted to say but decided not to.... But anyway... laugh at the pic like I did. hehe

Chow Wagon and Steamboat Race

Ugh... I'm so tired.. lol and my arms hurt. Been claening limos for the past couple days.... all day al night lol. I think we've gotten like maybe 8 hours sleep in the past 3 days lol. Oh well... it'll pay off I suppose. I'd like to take my camera and get a picture or two of all the limos but I don't know if I wanna mess with it though for real hehe so you might just have to use your imagination.
Went to the Chow Wagon on Wednesday.. A buddy of ours sings for Speed Of Sound
so we went to watch them play, and they fukkin ROCK! This was the first time we'd been to see them. I have some video clips of them but I'm retarded and can't figure out how to insert a video onto my blog. hehe Big Fat RE! We also got to watch the Great Steamboat Race whichis yet another part of Derby around here. The Belle of Louisville Lost though. *shrug* Then we all ventured over to the playground and let the kids play for a bit.
Sorry to cut it so short but I still have to get dressed and go get my kiddo, just wanted to update and show some pics. =) Anyone got the Derby winner picked out yet?

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

More to come. Happy HNT!

K, so I'm posting my HNT pic now.... but tomorrow *if* I get a chance, I've got a whole other post planned. We went to the Chow Wagon tonight, it's part of Derby and watched a friend of ours band play, and it rocked, watched the Steamboat race.... the Belle lost, but it figures, she's won for two years in a row... they can't let it happen too many times in a row before the Queen beats us. *Sigh*. We also worked for about 6 hours today cleaning cars, so I'm wore out. lol So HNT now..... chow wagon and boat race pics tomorrow. Stay Tuned. =)

ALSO..... anyone that knows how I can put a video on here please email me and school my dumbass.... I have like 5 of them I wanna show you all!

Monday, May 01, 2006

and finally.... some Robyn booty for ya too. Posted by Picasa

Some hubby booty for ya. Posted by Picasa

some Mik booty for ya. Posted by Picasa

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