I Was Put Here To Offend.

Feel free to Bleep Off!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

It tried to eat me. lol

Still don't have a camera but I found more old pics. hehe =) Mirror theme. =)

Neighbors dog tried to eat me today.. lol wish I had a picture of my leg.

ugh... it hurts.

My kid went over to a friends house she wasn't supposed to be at til little girls parents got home, and i went to get her and they never answer their door so after knocking forever, I opened up the screen door , it was already kinda cracked so the cats could go in and out, I opened it the rest of the way and yelled Mik and the other little girls name... well out of nowhere here comes her dog... latches itself onto my leg and i fell backwards, off the steps and not only do I have a fucking dog bite and like an eggshell sized lump on my left leg, my right foot is all hurting and starting to puff up from fallin off the stairs...

Lol, I can't win for fucking losing.. I always end up getting hurt somehow. grrrrr.

Oh well... I get to go clean offices tomorrow, and I got offered a house cleaning job today too, and side jobs from the same person.. he said "I can't promise I can give ya work for years or anything but I'll definitly keep ya busy a couple months" So that makes me happy. I need to make some money.

With all this garnishing crap going on, and me wanting to go back to school, I'd love to not have to have a set schedule every week type job, the side job pays cash stuff works better for me right now. =) So thank you sooooo very much person who i talked to today. You're awesome!


Tuesday, August 24, 2010

my cats weird.

On a brighter note, we are on day 2 of my cat being normal again.

For the past couple months she has been acting really strange. like she's normally a very friendly playful perky cat and she was acting like she was terrified of something for the longest time.

We thought something might be wrong with her, but in checking her out, her health is just fine. She's got a flea or two but I'm gonna dip both my kitties and rid that problem in the next couple days... but that's not it.

She will like find a dark spot and sleep for days... face down.. and if you try to pick her up or move her she will just latch onto you like please dont put me down.. and she'll curl up wherever or however you lay her down and sleep on you face down til you physically move her, and if you don't get up fast enough when you move her she will automatically try to go straight back to the spot she was in but the whole time she's like army crawling... belly to the floor and very tense... Like she's scared shitless of something.

Some people have said maybe it's the new apartment but she started doing it in the other apartment so thats not it either. And she'll do it for weeks, then just one day be back to her old self... like she is today... but this time she's been her old self for 2 days straight now.. and I love it. I hope she doesn't go back to being a weirdo by tomorrow.

We've even considered the idea that maybe something supernatural is fucking with her. Everyone says cats are sensitive to the other world... they were once known as guardians of the other world so I don't doubt they have certain abilities and whatnot but I don't know why something would be fucking with Zoe and leaving Boots alone...

idk what to do with her, but for today she's great. lol

Solution. Then I'ma shut the hell up already.

I've listened to this song on repeat now for like 4 days... the words to it just hold so much meaning to me... i've never been in a physical abuse relationship like it talks about, i mean i had a boyfriend in high school who liked to pinch and shit like that, anything to leave a mark, he got off on it.. he hit me once.. that was it for me.. but that's the only time I've had to deal with that, but I can so relate to this song in other ways.. So many other ways.

I talked about my "issues" below last night with the person causing me so much hurt right now.. and they basically told me to stop bringing it up, to let it die, to not mention it every day, that they were just mad when they said it, trying to get something out of it, blah blah... well fuck your excuses. I told them that was fine, I was done, i'd never mention it again..

But mentioning and forgetting are two entirely different things and my mind can't forget it. And even if it could, I wouldn't let it. I forgave this 4 times prior and this time I'm just not sure it deserves forgiveness. How's the saying go? Screw me once shame on you, screw me twice shame on me? What about screw me 5 times? Don't think the saying goes that far.

So yeah, I'll keep my mouth shut, keep my thoughts and concerns to myself, i will. But that far from means it's gone or forgotten. I seen what I seen, I know what I read, and I'm not quite the idiot I'm thought of as... my head and heart knows the truth about it, and that's plenty for me.

What i was hoping for was for this person to see how much this was hurting me and to try to actually resolve it, or make me feel better instead of getting mad at me for feeling this way and basically telling me to shut the hell up about it already... but since they took that second route, I know now that what I feel doesn't matter quite like it should. There is a solution to this but said person isn't willing to do it. Never has been willing to do it. and never will do it, I know that now.

and knowing that is more than enough for me.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

idk part 14

So can you all sense the pissed off-ed-ness in my past 2 posts?? Yes i'm kinda mad about something. I don't want to just come right out and say what it is but it really hurt my feelings.

Some things were said about me that I never dreamed would ever be said about me. Like, name calling doesn't bother me, talkin shit about me doesnt bother me, but there are a few catch phrases that can just rip my heart apart, and all of them were spoken... by the same person.

I've talked with this person about it and they think it's all been worked out between us, but it's just not in my mind. I'm not sure how to make it ok in my head. I don't want it to affect the relationship I have with this person but so far it has been, and it's purely because I can't seem to get over the fact that it was said, regardless of reason.

Just the simple fact that this person dind't even think twice about it, just quickly offered up everything that could ever hurt me.. and thinks because we talked about it and they said sorry that makes it alright. Which I guess it should be, I said things were fine, I shouldn't lie if they aren't right? Idk.... ugh idk idk idk

I'm baffled is what it is i think. I'm just amazed that it was even said. If I could repeat it, you would understand.... but I can't repeat it.

ugh idk idk idk

The two posts below this one are related to this too.......

just dont kno.

To Whom It May Concern:

I can't shake the feeling that all of that was true. You can only do the same thing so many times and then say you were only fucking around and it be believeable so many times. If you were truely only fucking around then once would have been enough, not five times and a visit. I somehow feel like you think I'm retarded or something... i read it word for word.... it's there... and according to you, it's always been there. God that hurts.

Friday, August 20, 2010

I have.

Ever been told the exact same lie 5 different times?

Ever had your heart shatter into a million pieces?

Ever had someone look at you and lie to your face?

Ever watched them try desperatly to lie to themselves enough that it makes the lie they are telling you believable?

Ever been told you are NOTHING?

Ever stood in the way of someones happiness?

Ever been given proof that you're number 2?

Ever get tired of hearing Sorry?

Like Rap Music?

Because Eminem's new song, Love the way you lie, sums it up in one sentence..

I guess that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano but I love you too much to just walk away.

Just gonna stand here and watch me burn??? Well thats alright, because I LIKE the way it hurts..

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry?? Well thats alright, because I LOVE the way you lie.

Love the way you lie.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

i wish i knew what was wrong with him.

I'm kinda worried something wrong with sean. He's always in a bad mood. If I go to his work he seems like he's in a great mood but if i text or call him, he's always short and seems like I'm bothering him. Which ok, he's at work I get that, but i also know how they work and he could take a second to talk to me sometimes. But even when he does, it generally not very friendly.

Then he;ll come home from work and usually he's in a bad mood then too cause he's been at work all day, but I figured let him shower and wahtnot and he'll pop out of it.. and sometimes he does, but then out of the blue, nothings been said, and he's then right back into being almost hateful toward me, and anyone thats near by. If anyone happens to be over when he starts being that way, they can always sense it with him and see it in his eyes and they will leave. Then he'll be like, why'd everyone leave? and I'll tell him and he'll just roll his eyes and tell me I'm crazy again.

When I say something he tells me I'm crazy and that he's in a great mood and blah blah but I'm far from an idiot and can see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice and ten years with him has taught me what his words tones and looks mean ya know.

I just feel like I'm walking on eggshells again. Been thru this once. I'm afraid to open my mouth half the time in fear it's going to be taken wrong and make him mad. And everyone else notices it too... so just because he says it's not true, doesnt mean squat when everyone else can see it as well. all "your crazy" translates into, is I dont want to tell you whats wrong, i just want you to believe nothing is and go about my way.

I keep wondering if Sean needs to go see someone.. it's almost like he doesn't realize he's being so rude, and if i mention it he doesn't believe me so theres really no point in it anymore.

I don't know what to do... I made up soe stupid excuse to go to my car the other night just to cry for a minute scream twice and get my frustration out before i came back inside.

I'm so very scared. I don't want to lose him again.. I want to be able to work out anything that comes our way but I can't do anything if I'm blocked from knowing the reasons.

When I text him at work for instance, I get responses like lol, ok, k, yes, no..... just one word basic shit,and i ask why so short and he tells me he's busy.. it's hard to work and text... but then tonight he's telling me about an actual conversation he had had with two other people today by text... at work.. and neither of them work related... so he has time to break and conversate with them, but not me.

so tomorrow.. I'll respond to his, but I'm not sending any of my own... then when he comes home tomorrow, I'm going to have the house empty, no people over and I'm not letting anyone come over until he invites them. We will play the sean makes the rules game for a bit and see if that helps out... because something has to give.. I can't take this. I feel like no matter which direction I go, it's wrong.. No matter what i say or who i talk to, I'm either doing it too much or i said something wrong. I can't live like that.. i won't live like that.. thats stupid. Neither of us own each other. I don't treat him that way, I expect not to be treated that way either.

I don't know if he;ll read this or not... and sorry for spilling our business online if you do but 've tried talking to you and it gets me nowhere but in the big I'm not doing that circle.. so i figured someone outside may have a suggestion for me.

I love Sean like nothing in this world... but if he's constantly upset, unhappy or mad, whats the point? I feel like I cant do anything right.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

two faced 502.

I find it hillarious when people say "Awwwwww, I wanna see *my* Robyn"

Why do I find this funny?

Because when Sean and I were split up, Chloa was the only person who was still interested in being my friend.. No One else called, No One Else gave a shit about me.. But Now that I'm back with Sean, it's like oh my goodness I miss Robyn, Haven't seen her in soooo long... Well, yeah bitch, that's cause you made it real obvious that you didn't care to see me... lol so for all I care, you can continue not to see me, and it wouldn't hurt my feelings.

BUT, I'll be friendly, I'll play nice, I'll be just as phony as the rest of them are... Just to save the drama, and to make my honey think I'm not a bitch. lol I'd hate to fuck up his good time or anything, but let someone treat him that way and all hell breaks loose. Whatever tho... I've lived my entire life with double standards, why should now be any different right?

yay me.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

birthday party day

Mickey's 8th Birthday Party was today. It went great, specially seeing as how i didn't even start planning it til yesterday.. lol There's been so much shit going on every other direction that I just hadn't had time to plan her any kind of big extravagant birthday party. But in one day I managed to get most all her favorite people and friends there. Every party before this one consisted of mainly family but this time it was mainly friends. I love that she's old enough now to have solid friendships, and she understands what being a friend is, and has her best friend picked out. I think it's just too cute.

Was worried cause I didn't plan a meal with this party, usualy food is the main focus.. lol all i had was some chips and dip and veggies and dip... a cake of course and some cookies.. i evenforgot the ice cream.. lol but everyone seemed content and had a great time. 5 of her friends wouldn't have been able to come because their parents had other plans so I just had them be dropped off and I watched them so they could all be there, then after the party we all went back to our apt and mik got to play with them all and her new toys... they had too much fun.

made me really happy that it went as well as it did. Nothing is more important to me than my kid and seeing her enjoying herself and happy makes my heart smile. =)

so happy birthday mikayla... my 8 year old beautiful. =)

Friday, August 13, 2010

ch ch ch ch ha ha ha ha

That was my attempt at the sounds he makes in Friday the 13th... lol you were scared.. i know you were. ;)

Friday the 13th..... always reminds me of my dad. He hated this day.. lol When he was in his early 20's he had to have open heart surgery.....and the date happened to be Friday the 13th... Then years later I was in his truck with him going down 65 and a garbage truck in front of us hadn't lowered the arms they grab dumpsters with, went under an overpass and a piece of it broke off, came back and shattered our windshield then hit the side piece on the truck, then went under the tire popped up and bent the frame in the back, so it totaled the truck. And the truck didnt notice and kept going. On Friday the 13th... lol

So, he started to refuse to leave the house on this day after awhile. he would call into work if need be, and just stay in bed and watch tv all day.. lol


Was on Facebook couple days ago and one of my friends had posted something and when i got to looking at the comments i recognized one of the people. It's a guy I've known pretty much my whole life and were very close friends as kids... His parents and my parents hung out all the time, so we hung out all the time.. til like high school when everyone develops their own lives and seperate sometimes... that happened to us. i've tried to find him a few times before, I've also tried to find his parents, but could never find any of them, so it was really neat to find him on fb like that.

In conversations, i learned that his momma passed away a few years ago from cancer, and i told him about my mom... but it's been so much fun catching up with him and finding out how he's doing now a days. We plan to meet sometime soon to hang out and catch up.. I'm excited. =)


Sunday is Mik's 8th birthday.. I'm having her party Saturday (tomorrow) tho. I've really waited til last minute this year and I feel bad for not letting people know beforehand but I've just been so damned busy the past couple weeks... So hopefully some people will show for it. I'm not doing a meal or nothing, just some sit around snacks and cake.. lol don't feel like messing with a big ordeal.

School starts Tuesday.. she's gonna be in the 2nd grade now... she didn't get the teacher she hoped for but she likes the one she got so hopefully she's happy with her this year. She loved her teacher last year. I'm glad her birthday comes before school starts this year tho, last year she started 2 days before her birthday and had to go to school the day of. But, i sent some cupcakes so she was happy.. lol


Just wanted to write real quick.. nothing really excitings going on right now, which is nice for a change.. lol One of the apt's in this house's water heater busted 2 days ago and our hot water has been off since then cause the water leaking out put out everyone elses pilot lights... BUT, they replaced all the heaters today and it's back on now.. yaaay.. lol so I have 3 days worth of cleaning to do now... ugh.... always somethin.. lol


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I got some beach in me. ;)

I keep promising pictures but I can't ever get em online.. lol I have 2 digital cameras in my home somewhere and one of them is broken and the other is hopelessly lost.. lol

So my weekend was AWESOME!! =) =)

Friday was my birthday party as i told you about already.. =0) and it was great... then saturday seans boss calls him and tells him that he needs him to take one of the big led signs they rent and sell to Mississippi because the company down there, the one they had already got hit by lightning and sean had to tow a new one down and swap it for the bad one and tow it back here to louisville. his boss said he could take me with him, so we got a sitter for Mik and went to Mississippi. Flatbed truck with a trailer on the back so we couldn't drive much over the speed limit.. lol so it took us about eleven hours each way. It didn't need to be dropped off until Monday morning, so we left at like 11 saturday night, got there about 10 sunday morning, caught a couple hours of sleep after we got our hotel room and planned to go see the beaches when we woke up and spend the rest of the evening there so that after we dropped off the sign we could start back to louisville early since sean had to work tuesday also... well we woke up and it's pouring down rain.. really strong thunder and lightning storm... figures.. lol

we said fuck it tho.. ive never been to mississippi and he'd never really gotten to see the sights or anything....so we decided to just drive around in the rain and look at stuff.. hehe Had his bosses gps so we looked up points of interest and the biloxi lighthouse sounded cool so we found it... and it was kinda disappointing.. lol it was this itty bitty lighthouse but it's in the middle of the street.. lol it's not even on the water directly, and it's not used and u cant go in it... BUT, it was right at the parking lot for the Gulf Shores national Beaches... so we parked there and thru the windshield watched a WICKED lightning storm out on the ocean... it was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. The rain finally stopped too so we got out and walked up and down the beach and watched the sunset and found ALL KINDS of critters.. hehe We didn't get in the water cause it was dark out and we kept finding jellyfish.. don't wanna fucks with jellyfish.. lol But walking around was perfect.

Went back to our hotel and caught frogs in the parking lot then went in.. had a great night and woke up monday morning at 7, took the sign to the plant then decided to hit the beach one last time before we headed back... played in the ocean for a couple hours.. it was so warm and beautiful. I expected to see some of the evidence of the oil but a local couple told us that beach had been cleaned up for a few weeks now. That it was closed to the public for awhile and no fishing allowed in the area but two weeks prior all that had been reopened so all the oil was gone for the most part. You could still see it somewhat in the sand but the water was alright.

I never expected to get to spend a weekend with my hunny on the beach this summer. We really needed the time together just the two of us. And every bit of it was paid for by his boss.. we didn't have to spend a penny.. and sean got paid for doing it.. lol so ya cant beat it right? =)

I've been to Mississippi now.. can add that to my list of states. =) Had a perfectly awesome weekend, best birthday ever.. lol

Came home to kinda a mess but after I got it all cleaned up i wasn't angry about it anymore.. lol but it wasn't mik that made it, it was the adults in the house.. lol and then left it... grrr.. but like i said, i'm over it now.. hehe =)

Mik lost a tooth while we were gone. she's got two missing in the front now.. hehe it's too cute. and school starts in 7 days. Her birthday is in 5 days. she's gonna be 8. My kid's gonna be 8.... man I'm old.. lol I love her age right now tho, I think this is the perfect age.. =)

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Happy Birthday To Me. =)

I'm good and 31 now. lmao

Sean got all our friends to come over last night to celebrate my birthday.. and to be part of his show on friday night, Fuck You Joker Friday. =) and OMG what fun... hehe Between the like 8 cases of beer, and quite a bit of *other* things, we was all fubar.. lol and it was GREAT. I got to see a couple people I haven't seen in forever... Mike came over, which made me happier than anything else, I haven't seen Mike in well over a year, and last time I seen him I was at work and only had like 5 minutes to talk to him, so to be able to actually hang out and get fucked up together was awesome... like old times. ;) all I was missing was my Andy... YOU SO NEED TO COME VISIT ANDY... Even Mike's excited about the possibility. =)
Brent and his boyfriend Chris showed up too, it always makes my night when i get to see them... I'm so happy Brent found Chris, he's such an awesome person, and they always seem so happy. I love it.
Let's see, I'm not sure I can even remember who all was here.. lol

Me, Sean, Nick, Kevin, Pam, Turtle, Shanda, Frogg, Tim, Mikey, Brent and Chris, RichieRich (he's a 502 comedian, Sean knows him from the Haunted House also but Sean invited him out to promote his stand up on air), Bernie and Belynda (although I'm almost positive now that belynda just doesn't like us) This would be the 2nd time she's been over lately and literally didn't leave the couch.. opened her laptop and sat there ALL night not talking or nothing... lol whatever. He asked Sean to be his best man last night, which is funny to me.... I don't get to be in their wedding. Again, I think she just doesn't like me.

I think that's everyone.. lol there could be one or two I forgot to mention.. lol But anyway, Seans show went great, had about 8000 listeners, which always makes my hunny happy. I'm glad his show is as successful as it is, he's really good at the dj thing. =)

God I had such a good time last night.. lol Got a bit of a hangover today.. haha little headache... but man it was worth it. =) =) Everyone cleared out around 3 and Sean and I decided to go for a walk around our neighborhood.. walked for about 2 hours.. lol just wandering in the middle of the night hehe, violated the train tracks up the street... hehe all in all it was a fantastic night. Thank you to everyone who came out and Thank you to Sean.. I love you. =)

Thursday, August 05, 2010

pre teen strippers?

So this is the video of Miley Cyrus at the Teen Choice Awards that everyone flipped out about. I Just got an email from a friend of mine who said I "Just had to see this" . Just had to see what? lol people are so stupid. My kid LOVES Miley Cyrus (Hannah Montana) and sooooo many people are saying she pole danced in this video.... Ok, yeah theres a pole.. and yeah she put her hand on it and kinda dipped a little, but c'mon... really? I've been to many a strip club in my life... this bitch hardly pole danced... hell she hardly danced period, she had to sing.. lol it's hard to sing and pole dance at the same time... but still... this girl is growing up and she's very pretty and she's in the spotlight most the time... she's gonna try and be sexy and appeal to the male portion of her fans at some point.. it's a natural thing.. leave her the fuck alone you stupid paraniod parents.. I guarentee you're precious little girls aren't gonna wanna be strippers because hannah brought a pole on stage.. lighten the fuck up. lol

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