I Was Put Here To Offend.

Feel free to Bleep Off!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Misc. Poems

I have a blog on Louisville Mojo and Myspace that I write in from time to time.... My mojo blog is mostly poems... I was reading thru some of them today and figured I'd put em on here too. =)
The first one is brand new,,, just wrote it yesterday but the others you may or may not have seen before. =)

I can't feel anymore, I'm numb.
These drugs make me numb..

Maybe it's my life, too much sadness all around
Maybe it's this knife, holding my Self to the ground.

Stab it thru my soul
Pierce it thru my veins

Bring the redness to my lips when I begin to strain..
Drink your life into me
The darkness closes in
Ask your god to help release me from my sin..

I like how this evil feels
Absorbing in my cells
I can feel his precense in me, leading me to Hell

They tell us there will be fire,
They say we'll live in fear

But I say they are wrong....
I kinda like it here!


Blinded by my tears
The flow washes away my fears
I can't take this anymore.

Consumed by the reality
That this will never be
Engulfing all that is around me
I will bring you to your knees.

You can try to out run this
But I'm everywhere you turn
You can find pieces of me in everything
I fucking hope you burn

All I want to see is the whites of your eyes
The blood rush from your face
As you slowly die.

Suffer bitch.

My hands around your neck
Releases the pressure in my head
Makes me feel human again
To know that you'll soon be dead.

That familiar tingle, that fuzzyness is back
My mind is going blank again
It's about to attack

I cannot stop it, although I've tried many times...
Just quit pissing me off already
With your bullshit childish lies.

(Seans band, Chaotic Vengeance made this next one into a song)
Demons around every corner
Tempting you to stray

Keep it all in the light areas
Bad things happen in the gray

The voices tell me to stop
That you've had enough

But I believe I'm the judge
Your tears seem like a bluff

You need this just like I do
It makes the pain go away
Accept where the fear leads you
If you wanna see another day....

Shadows on the wall dance for me
the blurry-ness in my eyes

I could just be imagining it
Or it could warn of my demise

We will all die one day
some sooner than the rest

Let me take you to your "god"
Let me make you feel blessed.

You need this just like I do
It makes the pain go away
Accept where the fear leads you
If you wanna see another day....

Black figures come out of the sky
To take from you your life

The screams you hear are other souls
It pierces like a knife

All your prayers didn't help you,
you're bound just like us all

You can sit up high and look down on us
But one day you'll fall.

You need this just like I do
It makes the pain go away
Accept where the fear leads you
If you wanna see another day....

Do you want to see another day?

Went walking down the street today..
Met a gnome along the way..,
He was in a yard with his wife and dog,
While she was baking goodies, he was chopping logs.

Cute little family, I thought to myself
Didn't expect to run into a goddamned elf....
The dog must've sensed me, it started to bark...
Annoying bastard I thought, wait till it gets dark.

I need to get some groceries, we're out of trash bags too
My shoes make a squeaky noise when I walk, and theres a pile of dog poop....

I almost forgot about the dog....

Nah fuck that dog, it's really the elves fault, I should kill them instead..

hehe kill the elves.....

I'm a dwarf you fucking idiot, I'm not a goddamned elf!
You're saying all that shit out loud instead of thinking it to yourself.
You won't hurt my dog tonight because he sleeps inside with us,
Now go buy your fucking trash bags before I really make a fuss!!!

Damn little guy I'm sorry (I actually really was)
I'd smoke one with ya to make ammends so tell me, Do ya ever smoke bud?

Bud? as in weed? fuck yeah I smoke, but I'd be afraid to share with you, you couldn't handle my smoke...

Handle it? you crazy dwarf I smoke among the best, pack that shit and pass it here, I'll hand you back the rest...

I woke up tied to a pole, naked as can be.....
and naked on that pole, is my last memory.....

Moral of this story?

Elves have great pot! =)

Because I choose to wear a star instead of your cross around my neck

You label me and Judge me before you even check

Because I don't worship your god or daily sit and pray

Doesn't mean I don't have faith or am not thankful for each day.

Most of you assume and don't really know much about me.

But your wrong, like most, let me tell you all about me

I do not worship satan (thought about it tho)

Never cheat on my hubby, I'm a flirt not a hoe.

My 5 year old princess is my savior, my husband is my shrine

I worship life, I worship love, not false gods and wine

I'm a pretty decent person, always there for my friends

Go to work everyday like Sean, so we can meet our ends

My daughter is smart and happy, like any kid should be

She might be a lil dark and twisted but she gets that hoenstly.

I love most aspects of my life but that's mainly because of sean.

It does hurt my heart and wear my soul that both my parents are gone.

I try not to dwell on all that though, It won't get me anywhere

I just go from day to day, seeing what the next will bear.

holidays always bring me down
no one seems to notice

I try to be happy, I really do try
But it takes a lot of focus

I watch Mikayla enjoy herself
that helps to cheer my day

But knowing who's not with me anymore
that cheer soon fades away

I've never enjoyed thanksgiving
since my daddy died

even though it's been 14 years
that holiday still makes me cry

this time of year is weird
when both your parents have died

This year hit a nerve though
I'm not exactly sure why

Mikayla turned 5 years old
Halloween's getting near
Neil had another kid
And I was the last to hear
They skipped the big yard sale
I never did hear why
And I can't remember which one but
another of grandmas brothers died
Alot of things have happened
when I just wanted to call you up
I even grabbed the phone a few times
The slow realization has been a bit rough
I know that I can handle this
I can prove myself again
I just really really don't want to
You and I werent meant to end
Lee and Kevin got married
We'll see how that goes
Denielle and Kyle moved back to town
and she's hiding their 4th underneath her clothes
You'd be so proud of Brian though...
Their wedding's coming in May
They just bought their first house
Brian calming down some... never thought we'd see the day
Baby Danielle and Baby Tre are here
They are both getting really big
I tried to quit smoking for New Years, but I can't give up my cigs.
Donna and Steve tied the knot
I'm so very happy for them
Sean and I got to be part of one of our buddy's short film's
Sean played Satan.. fits him to a T
Mik was even in it.. sitting on Josh's knee
Him and Deena bought a house too.. can't remember how long thats been
It has a big pool outside, so you know Deena's in heaven
I'm sure theres much more to tell you
That I've just failed to recall
I just kinda wanted to catch you up
In case you didn't see it all
I miss you everyday... it's harder the longer it's been
I'll miss you everyday I think, you were my best friend.

Leave me alone out in the rain

I like how the fog drapes over me.

Leave me to deal alone with this pain

I need privacy to make her bleed.

Go about your way, smile and laugh and talk.

Leave me to be by myself you fucks

Before you wind up outlined in chalk.

That cloud has a cool shape to it

The flowers have started to bloom

The sun will peek in every so often

Only to be murdered again by the gloom.

So take your happiness, wrap it up tight

and send it on its way

Because around me... around here.....

theres nothing more to say.

Angry and alone, I stand in this field
Armed with nothing, without your shield.

My life is in your hands, my world is what I share
I can't help but wonder still... is there something there?

It won't compare to what you'll miss with me.

I will not be lied to, I can always find you out
This is one promise I can guarantee without a doubt

I'm a sneaky little bastard if I need to be
But you already know this about me.

Bat your pretty eyes
Show some skin
Don't be afraid to let him in
Rough calloused hands
On your neck

Obiedience is your savior
Love what you recieve
Give Thanks every day for it
In me you will believe

Black Rod Iron Gate
Looms tall but in my way

All around the scent of death
Rotting flesh and decay

You told me you were sorry
But I don't believe you anymore

All shall die, all shall cry
Roast in hell for evermore

Wave your hand with missing digits
Smile your smile with gapped teeth

Pierce you through your heart
Drawing my sword from it's sheath

Talk your shit, go ahead
You're appology makes no ammends

Once you see you're going to die
Bet you don't fuck with me again.

I step into my little box to escape away from life.

Grab the blade with both my hands and gently squeeze the knife.

Watch the blood trickle down, big red stain on my dress.

Daddy no don't hit me, I didn't mean to make a mess..

The buckle from the belt leaves welts, the old ones still haven't healed....

Don't pretend to even fathom how your blows make me feel.


Take your foot off of my chest

Lay me down, I need the rest

Take me from this agony, take away the pain

When I try to see your face, it always starts to rain

I need you in my world, not only in my heart

Arm and arm and leg to leg.. totally ripped apart

Time will heal it this I know, just not sure where to start

Yeah, they are dark I know. lol

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Zoo Trip

Took Mik to the Zoo Sunday. Hadn't been all year this year so it was nice to get to go. We took a friend of mine and her son, one of Mik's friends. I don't post pics of other peoples kids unless they say I can and I haven't go to ask her yet so the pics with Mik and him I cant put up yet... lol so I'm limited. =)

Anyway... we had a great time... they've opened the Glacier Run Water Park since I've been last and it was great. Mik had a blast in it... All the animals were active too, it was a good trip. =)

The warthogs eat cantaloupe. Looked like they were really enjoying it too.
Mikayla likes to pose on every possible thing... even though we've been to this zoo 900 times. lol
I love the Gorillas
I'm going to do a post once I can find all the pics... Everytime we go to the zoo, I get a picture of her on this thing. It'd be neat to see her growth rate measuered on it.
The Meerkats are my favorite. Fat and lazy and great to photograph.
This goat is the last one to eat every day... it was pissed. lol
The baby elephant. It likes to swim
Kid n Turtle lol
This Orangutan was posing for us. He was soo entertaining. It's funny how my flash like censored him... haha
Told ya the animals were all active.. I think we got there close to feeding time. All the penguins were swimming. =)
Mines the one in pink..... lol this is the splashpark
Tiger licking a blood flavored icecube. Yum.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Kings Island

Sean and I took Mikayla to Kings Island yesterday. It's about a 2 hour drive from our house, but it's what she wanted for her b-day present. =) She had a blast.... it was alright for us.. lol Paramount used to own Kings Island and apparently they don't anymore... and it shows. All the things I remember, all the props and decorations and whatnot are gone... it's so boring looking.. and half the rides are gone or weren't working... it kinda sucked.

Mikayla wanted to ride the big rides.... she kept eyeballing Vortex and asked to ride it... who are we to tell her no right? She was tall enough so we got on.... she was all excited as we climbed the hill.... and screams of fun as it started but then she realized just how fast it went and that we were going upside down.... haha She did great though... once it was over she was *almost* in tears but Sean and I got her straightenend up before we got back to where to get off at.... and she was fine.. didn't make her sick or anything, BUT she did say she didn't want to ride it again.. lmao. I was proud of her just for trying it though... that's like their longest fastest ride there and my 5 year old just walked right up to it and got on.... =)

Taking her to the zoo today... hehe fun filled week-end. =)

Mik throwin up the horns in front of The Vortex

Mik and Cosmo
Blue's Ska-doo
Spongebob. Her trip was complete because she got to meet spongebob.
too cute
And Scooby... We rode the Scooby's haunted mansion ride too... it's neat
This is my favorite picture of the day. It turned out perfect. Could you imagine wearing that suit all day????? Ugh.
Waitin in line
The swings
Patrick Patrick Patrick
Me and my kiddo's legs.... hehe
Mik and Sean on the Scrambler.

Thursday, July 17, 2008


2 more days.. 2 more days.... that's all I've heard since last saturday... lol Mikayla has been counting down the days.

We decided to take her to Kings Island as an early birthday present. We were going to go to Holiday World but Kings Island has discount tickets right now... lol so we figure what we save will just go towards the gas to getting there.. 4 somethin a gallon.... grrr. Wish I had a horse... lol

Measured Mik couple days ago to see what all she'd be able to ride... and guess how tall my kid is. 4 foot 1. GAWD.. I'm only 5 foot 1 and she's just a foot shorter and 23 years younger... hahaha I'm so short. BUT, she is an inch taller than the minimum for all but 4 rides at Kings Island so she can officially ride anything she wants now. She claims she wants to ride everything, but we'll see if she changes her mind once she's actually in line staring at one of them big coasters... hehe Supposed to be 98 degrees Saturday tho... ugh. Yay Water Park!


So Insomnia is kicking my ass today.... couldn't sleep last night. It almost pisses me off when I get out of bed before the alarm clock would have gone off. It's just not right... lol and I'm tired.. I can feel it, just couldn't stay asleep. It sucks. I gotta work all day too, blah.

Seans sister is coming to get the kiddo today. Shannon moved into her own apt. finally and she wants to hang out with Mik all day. Mik doesn't know yet. Or we'd have heard about that all week too... lol

I loved all the memories that were left... thank you to everyone who posted one. =)

Tuesday, July 15, 2008


As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Music. =)

My Music Notes. =) Had them done today. It didn't hurt anything like I expected it to.. lol It really didn't hurt at all, but the sound and the buzzing on my bone was kinda strange. I got mine first, then Sean then Russ, then Staci. I didn't get a pic of Staci's but Sean and Russ's are below. =)

More Ink?

Had a good 4th of July. =) Didn't take any pictures cause my camera doesn't work well without light.. lol We had originally hoped to go down to the Waterfront to a concert down there but it rained all day long and we didn't wanna mess with all the mud so we just went to Indiana, spent too much money on fireworks and came home... lol Bernie brought over a bunch too and we all went down to the park to set em off. This was the first year Mikayla really really enjoyed all the fireworks. It was fun.

Was messing around the other night and FINALLY figured out what I'm going to get tattooed on my back and ribs. =)
I want a tree on most my back, but I want it to be a half dead half alive tree.... like no leaves and kinda spooky looking... it represents the fact that all my life, things have always gone half and half for me.

Then starting on my stomach, I want a series of Bats, starting small on my belly then getting bigger going up my side and ribs then stretching across my shoulder blades above the tree on my back.

Eventually, I'll have my dads headstone put underneath the tree too.

I have a picture of the bat I like, but the tree is in my head for the time being. I'm hopefully going to my artist to have another tatto done today (tell you about that one in a second) but I hope to have him draw the tree out for me today just so I can alter it if I need to before I commit to it. So anyway, here's the bat. =)

Now... In my thoughts of the other one, I found a picture of a series of music notes, and the placement of it is already perfect... so seeing as how everyone I know right now, I met through music.. I want to get the notes to signify what my friends mean to me. And so far, Russell, Bernie, Donna, and Sean are all getting the same one same place. We'll see how many end up with it. =)

Thursday, July 03, 2008



1- My daughter.. she can always makes me happy. =) She's the best person I've ever met.
2- My hubby, even if it's always not going the greatest, he still knows how to switch it entirely and make me smile.
3- My friends. I'd be no where without them.


1- losing control of my life
2- doing something wrong raising my kid
3- losing anyone else, it's almost a phobia


1- I say scrapbooking.... I have a lot of crap but I never get to use it. lol
2- tattoos... yeah it's an obsession
3- animals... I've always really been into critters of all types

(if I knew for sure who all read my blog, this answer would vary greatly)
1- I don't really drink, and when I do I never get drunk. never.
2- right now I have purple hair. =)
3- hell i dunno, I fill out so many myspace bulletins that i don't really think anything is surprising at this point... haha

I don't tag... lol people have been shot for less. ;)


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