Solution. Then I'ma shut the hell up already.

I've listened to this song on repeat now for like 4 days... the words to it just hold so much meaning to me... i've never been in a physical abuse relationship like it talks about, i mean i had a boyfriend in high school who liked to pinch and shit like that, anything to leave a mark, he got off on it.. he hit me once.. that was it for me.. but that's the only time I've had to deal with that, but I can so relate to this song in other ways.. So many other ways.



I talked about my "issues" below last night with the person causing me so much hurt right now.. and they basically told me to stop bringing it up, to let it die, to not mention it every day, that they were just mad when they said it, trying to get something out of it, blah blah... well fuck your excuses. I told them that was fine, I was done, i'd never mention it again..

But mentioning and forgetting are two entirely different things and my mind can't forget it. And even if it could, I wouldn't let it. I forgave this 4 times prior and this time I'm just not sure it deserves forgiveness. How's the saying go? Screw me once shame on you, screw me twice shame on me? What about screw me 5 times? Don't think the saying goes that far.

So yeah, I'll keep my mouth shut, keep my thoughts and concerns to myself, i will. But that far from means it's gone or forgotten. I seen what I seen, I know what I read, and I'm not quite the idiot I'm thought of as... my head and heart knows the truth about it, and that's plenty for me.

What i was hoping for was for this person to see how much this was hurting me and to try to actually resolve it, or make me feel better instead of getting mad at me for feeling this way and basically telling me to shut the hell up about it already... but since they took that second route, I know now that what I feel doesn't matter quite like it should. There is a solution to this but said person isn't willing to do it. Never has been willing to do it. and never will do it, I know that now.

and knowing that is more than enough for me.