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Almost a year

Mikayla turned 5 years old
Halloween's getting near
Neil had another kid
And I was the last to hear
They skipped the big yard sale
I never did hear why
And I can't remember which one but
another of grandmas brothers died
Alot of things have happened
when I just wanted to call you up
I even grabbed the phone a few times
The slow realization has been a bit rough
I know that I can handle this
I can prove myself again
I just really really don't want to
You and I werent meant to end
Lee and Kevin got married
We'll see how that goes
Denielle and Kyle moved back to town
and she's hiding their 4th underneath her clothes
You'd be so proud of Brian though...
Their wedding's coming in May
They just bought their first house
Brian calming down some... never thought we'd see the day
Baby Danielle and Baby Tre are here
They are both getting really big
I tried to quit smoking for New Years, but I can't give up my cigs.
Donna and Steve tied the knot
I'm so very happy for them
Sean and I got to be part of one of our buddy's short film's
Sean played Satan.. fits him to a T
Mik was even in it.. sitting on Josh's knee
Him and Deena bought a house too.. can't remember how long thats been
It has a big pool outside, so you know Deena's in heaven
I'm sure theres much more to tell you
That I've just failed to recall
I just kinda wanted to catch you up
In case you didn't see it all
I miss you everyday... it's harder the longer it's been
I'll miss you everyday I think, you were my best friend.

........

I don't really have anything interesting to talk about, I'm just bored... lol It's barely 8 am and my kid isn't even up yet, why I am up I have no idea... lol

So my finger still hurts. I slept good last night but the night before... every time I'd get about half asleep, it'd start throbbing and wake me up... it sucks. I re-bandaged it and cleaned it up real good again last night.... blah.

Gotta work all week this week... and Sean starts at Industrial tonight so until the end of October I'm barely gonna see my luv... and I need a sitter like crazy... lol The way my work schedule works, theres always that 2 hour period before sean gets home that I have to find a sitter already... but now that he has to be at the Haunted House by 7, there becomes this other 2 hour period of time 2 days a week that I gotta find someone for... so it'll be like.... Someone keep my kid from 2-5 on Thursdays.... then Sean will get her on his way home from work around 5.... but then I have to work till 830 so when he has to go to the house at 630, someone will have to have her till I get home at 830...... *ugh* it's sooo hard figuring out babysitters.

I'm gonna take Grandma shopping here in a bit too... she wants to get a housewarming gift for Brian and Kristy and I have to be at work by 2 so I better get off here so I can figure out how I'm gonna shower and wash my hair with one hand..... lol

Some pics

This is my tag for when I fill in on Aiiradio.net for Sean. All of you with cable internet should tune in. I'll blog more about it later on though. =)
This is Troy from Poetry Of The Dead. They kick ass.
Jayson from Poetry Of The Dead
Matt from Poetry Of The Dead
Steve and Donna.. hehe I wuv them. =)
The Lurch (From Poetry Of The Dead)
Me and Jayson and our metal faces... haha
My luv singing Same Shit Different Day by Poetry Of The Dead with Jayson. =) I luv when my Luv sings.
Lurch.. lol

www.myspace.com/poetryofthedead go listen, you don't know what you're missing!

And I posted a post below too... I just wanted to put up some pics. =)

It's in the bone.. it's in the bone.........

Had my appt. this morning to go Appeal the decision on which school Mik's gonna go to, but didn't get to go. Sean ended up not being able to get off work and g-ma wasn't available... so I had to reschedule it. *sigh*

Cut my finger at work today too... nice. lol I get there and 2 different people warn me that the knives are newly sharpened... and what do I do on the very first bread I cut??? Yep, slice right through my fingertip..... they didn't believe me at first.... and then made fun of me the rest of the night.

It prolly should have a stitch or two, it's a good one, but the owners wife is a nurse and was there and cleaned it and bandaged it real good for me, so I think it'll be alright. Gonna go tomorrow and get some good antiseptic and keep it clean so hopefully it'll heal up fine without any stitches... lol but yeah, it hurts. It was gushing too.. hehe like everytime my heart would beat, blood would gush out of it, it was neat.. haha (I'm a weirdo)

anyway, I may share the pics later on... and yeah, I took some. lol

I also took one or two that might make it to *that one* site.... it's been a good long while since I was on there. hehe but shhhhhhhhh.

Anyway, Happy Hump Day everyone.

I'm a good parent damn it!

Soooo..... My drama just never stops.

Found out today that my (evil) grandma has told people that my hubby has hit my daughter before....

Nothing could be further from the truth... Manda can vouch for me here..... There is nothing in this world that means more to Sean that our little girl... he'd cut his own hand off before he'd ever hit her, I'm not sure she's even ever had a spanking in her entire life.

I just don't understand why she's doing this to me.... have I not been through enough bullshit in my time? Why threaten my family?

My daughter is the most beautiful, smart, happy, friendly, level headed kid I've ever met... compare her to any other kid her age and she's smarter than almost all of them... she's taller than all of them, she talks better, she can converse like an adult, she is just remarkable in my opinion...... and she's obviously... let me repeat that.... OBVIOUSLY not abused in any way what so ever!

I have decided I'm going into "protective custody" of sorts. I'm not going to say where we're going, or when we're going, but we are going. We are moving from this apt., we are changing our number and it will be unlisted, and I'm NEVER going to speak to her again. That may sound harsh to those who aren't real familiar with the situation, but my WHOLE life Ive dealt with this grandmother... she's been a bitch from day one, she's threatened to take me from my mom before, she's called me a whore, she's called me a liar, she's just mean. And up to this point, I've just overlooked it. I'll get mad and fight with her and we won't talk for a month or so, then out of the blue she'll call like nothing ever happened..... and I'll act like nothing happened. Just to keep peace in my family. But no more. She pushed me too far this time.

She called me numerous times at work yesterday, and many more times at home because she wanted to come pick up Mikayla.. she wouldn't tell me where she wanted to take her, and that freaked me out.. She's the kind of lady who'd take her and never bring her back home.... so I just didn't answer the phone. Then this morning I answer... and immediatly she starts in on me...

well mik has told me that she sometimes fixes her own breakfast.... that's just not right robyn... she's too little to be doing that..

BULLSHIT. She's 5 years old... there is nothing wrong with her pouring herself a bowl of cereal. I read ina magazine when she was tiny, it was a suggestion from a parent because her 2 year old always wanted to pour her own drinks... so she came up with an idea to minimize messes. Open your dishwasher door, and leave it open and down, let your child put their cup on the door and pour their drink that way... it's at their level and if they spill, all you have to do is close the door and the mess is inside the dishwasher... turn it on and viola.. mess gone. I thought it was a super idea and taught it to Mikayla... and ever since, she's enjoyed the independance of making her self something to drink when she wants it.... this is also how she'll fix her cereal in the morning.

It's not like I'm laying in bed sleeping and making her fend for herself or anything... I'm up, and offer to help but she wants to do it... and I see NOTHING wrong with letting her do it herself.. To me, there is no age limit as long as your child can do something safely, then let them do it if they want to try... sure there's messes sometimes, but that's a part of learning right?

In my eyes, I'm a great mom. Seans a great dad. We play with her, we teach her, we talk to her, and she loves us both very much. And to have someone who raised two men.. one who killed themself, and one who molested 2 girls come in and tell me I'm a bad parent.... oh gawd it makes my blood boil. How the hell can you call me out when both your sons are (were) mental? One of them was my dad, and for the most part he was a good person, but he also fought with her constantly..... she's never let anyone have any peace. (he's the one who killed himself).

But anyway, I talked this over with Sean and we decided the best way to "write her off" was to "disappear". If she doesn't know where I moved, or what my new number is, then she can't bother me anymore... It hurts me in a way because she is my grandma and I'm kinda short on family, but it's just not worth the greif. I remember countless times crying because of something she said or did to me, and I really don't want Mikayla to have to deal with that either. It's starting to affect me and seans relationship too... and that just can't happen. I agree with him, and he's my world, so this is what we have to do.

I feel like maybe I'm running from this problem instead of trying to fix it, but it's not something that can be fixed. she's not a person you can reason with, and theres no point in trying anymore.

I have one more month here because I've already paid my rent, but I will be out of here just as soon as my new place becomes available. Anyone who wants my new address or new number just email me and I'll gladly give it to you.. and I will have internet still... cause I can't live without it.. so I'll keep you all updated.

Like I said, it's not happening just yet, but it will happen by next month. I have to do what I have to do to keep my family safe and happy. =)

fucking family

It's been a rough couple days.

Yesterday at work, I had an opportunity to cover for someone and work today from 11-630... so I called my (evil) grandma to see if she could watch Mik for me. She told me she would if I would let her bring her to her house... which I won't do. I told her no, I'd rather her keep her at my house instead and she asked why... so I told her I just had reasons... and she said "Is it because of that shit you made up when you were little about Daryl?"

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Daryl is my uncle, my dads brother... and he molested me and my friend when I was 6 years old. My grandma (the evil one) told me to lie in court and threatened me, so I lied.. and he got off. I've managed my whole life to not be alone with him ever, and things have always been fine, I've just kept that memory in the back of my mind anytime he is near me... and when he's near my daughter it really drives me crazy and I won't let her out of my sight around him.
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Well, when I told her yes, that was the reason I didn't want my kid at her house without me she went off on me... started calling me ungrateful, and a liar and telling me that "he was just playing with you girls and you all took it the wrong way" to which I responded with "You don't play with children with your dick out of your pants" Man she didn't like that "don't talk to me that way.." and she hung up on me.... so I let it go. It's not the first fight I've been in with her.....

well, she calls back... now mind you.. I'm AT WORK during ALL of this. I'm sitting in the back of Blimpies yelling at my grandmother about the perverted things my uncle did to me as a child and having to explain to her why my kid won't be around him.... nice huh? Well, to make a long story short, she told me I was a liar, and that she told Daryl about what I said (like I fucking care) and (of course) he doesn't remember any of it... like he's really just gonna sit and chat with his mom about the dirty things he did to 2 little girls years and years ago..... but, then she says, you're not welcome out here at my house anymore, I'm not watching Mikayla for you anymore and I'm never doing anything for you again.

The part that upsets me is that to this day she still doesn't believe me... I really don't care that I'm not welcome at her house cause I never went anyway... I don't like being around him and I hate more than anything having my beautiful little girl around him so we just don't go. Mik is a really pretty little girl, she looks way older than her age, she's the age I was when he did that to me, and she looks damned near EXACTLY like I did at that age.... so if he was "attracted" to me, he'd be attracted to her too and I'd fucking kill him if he even patted her on the butt wrong. Not to mention what Sean would do. Don't even wanna think about that.

So, I spent the entire evening upset over this..... and today I wake up and my throat is killing me, my nose is all stopped up and my ears aren't working....

great. How was your day?