I Just Don't Know

Went up to Cave Hill Cemetary today.... I had told my friend Amber I'd try and scout out where the Cave actually is there. Friend of mine met me there and we were standing there looking around like... If I was a cave... wher would I be? lol and we decided on a direction........ wrong one. And mind you this place is HUGE. like huge huge... you could get lost fo sho. lol Well we just wander around looking at trees and dates and whatnot..me taking pictures cause I do that. Been about an hour and I'm like.... wonder where the cars are... haha. Found high spot and seen the office signs... lol Theres this pond next to the office area and I'd never really seen much of it besides where I tried to release my duck once... so we went over to see all the ducks. And low and behold.... The Cave. lol Could have been playin around in it the whole time.. haha oh well, I wore flip flops so I couldn't get too far back in it anyway today but I know where it is now.. lol it's on.

I took some pics but I'm on a friends laptop right now so I can't upload em yet. I promise though I'll come post them. They are good ones.

I've had a really strange couple days though. I found out some really disturbing news yesterday... and I can't write it here because I know people that read this that woud read it and I can't be the one who spills this on this person... although if she fucks up anyones life in this process I AM goin to hurt her. I am so incredibly disappointed i can't even describe how I feel. I almost hate this person but just knowing what she could possibly do to other people with this.... my heart broke. I cried over this bitch last night. It killed me to know it happened. I can't even believe it. Years of pride... just FLUSHED. Idiots. I don't get it.

And then I found a friend of mine had a hand in it... and that was a whole nother problem for me... I resolved that part of it though... and in doing it it cause a problem with me and sean and he said something to hurt my felings... which h later appologized for and I resolved that too.... But then today I try and just kinda tell my "best" friend about it and he automatically stops me to tell me something that happene to him... so that hurt me... and fter I'm kinda feeling better I get a text from my other "best" friend telling me off basically.... so it's beena rough day.

I DID have a good time at the cemetary though... I'm glad I found the cave and I'm actually kinda thankful for a couple of my issues today. I got to have a couple pretty intense conversations and found out a lot of good things about myself. Like for instance, I was told this..... I am your friend because you are a remarkable person. You see the good in everyone, and you are the only person I know that I can fully trust with whatever. You should be proud of that. And I am. =)

But at the same time, I also realized that I can't actually go to two of the people I really thought I could. Well one of them showed me this already actually, but the other, I thought would care... and didn't. Makes me want to call my mom. Even if it ws a horribly boring none of her business she had no idea what I was talking about conversation, she'd still have it with me. AND listen. The whole time. Can't have everything I guess. I just wish I had that one person sometimes. That person who'd drop whatever just to listen to me tell them I had no idea what was wrong. I miss it. A lot of people will say they'll be that person, but then it comes down to it and they aren't.

So yeah, been an up and down kinda day. Not sure how I'm feelin right now.