FUCK

I'm pretty aggravated now.

I had a babysitter for my kid when I work, and she was awesome... She was teaching her, she played with her, they got along great.. made me very happy.

Well, I've known all along that her boyfriend was abusive toward her, I've seen him bodyslam her, I've seen him hit her before... and I've told him that he is not to treat her that way in front of my kid, and he promised he wouldn't. I've been told by numerous people that he's actually great with children, just not women.... anyway.

She comes over last night, hand all swollen, bruises all over her, and you could tell she was fucked up off something. Probably pain pills, I'm sure she was hurting.. but anyway... she told me she'd watch Mik today for me but that she had to get out of her situation now, that it was getting to dangerous for her and she didn't want to put Mik in jeopardy by being her babysitter. And I appreciated her coming to me, I really did... But then she asked if she could stay the night, and I had to tell her no.

I feel really bad for telling her no because I know she needs help but I barely know her, and I can't get involved with all that drama... that's not good for my daughter to be around and I don't want to invite problems like that into my life at this point ya know... I told her there are womens shelters that would help her. All she had to do was go to one of them, they'd let her in, they don't tell anyone you're there and they help you get on your feet. She didn't like that idea of course.

She told me her whole life her dad and brother have abused her too and that she doesn't know how to function without someone treating her like shit. Which I can understand too I guess but at the same time, I'd be fucking gone. But I wouldn't do the shelter thing,,, I'd do the 9mm thing to his fucking dome. But that's just me, I'm stronger than most.. so anyway, I talked to her for a bit, gave her some cigs and she left saying she'd be at my house at 9 something in the morning to watch Mik for me.

Sean and I went to bed.

About 25 after midnight I woke up... laid there for a second and realized someone was literally POUNDING on our door... so I woke Sean up to go see who it was. It was her boyfriend, the abusive asshole. Sean answered the door to keep this cocksucker from waking Mik up knocking and he asked if she was here, Sean told him no she wasn't and to fucking leave... so he did. But, that tells ya that she never went back home after she left my house last night.

And if she shows up today to keep Mik, I'm going to have to tell her I can't let her anymore... If this asshole is going to come to my house at fucking midnight and just pound on my door like he knows me than I KNOW he'd try to come in my house when he knows I'm not there and she is with my kid.. and I'l be damned.

So I'm back to square one with babysitters and I think I'm gonna have to call in today too. Sucks cause I was scheduled for 11 hours today and could really use the money but I have to think of my kids safety first ya know....

I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to go back to just part time at work and see if my g-ma will keep her the majority of the time. Hopefully she will, at least for a couple weeks till I can figure something else out.... *sigh* God I miss my mom. She'd know what to tell me to do right now.