changes so fast

I started blogging years ago so I'd have an outlet for the things on my mind.
But I've never really used my blog to say everything I was pondering.
There are too many family members and others that read this and for some reason I'm afraid of what they'll think if I say something in particular.... or I'm afraid it'll get spread around to everyone, or that I'll have to answer to someone for something y aknow.... so everything stays inside my head.

For over a year now the same thing has been bothering me. I've tried to get over it on my own, and to just work it out in my head but it's not working.... and I'm afraid that because I can't fix it myself, that I'ma do something irrational and fuck something up.

I'm right on the edge.... teetering as to which direction I want to go. And everytime I think I have something weighting me to one side, someone grabs it back from me and makes me unsteady again.

One day I'ma fall off this log I'm trying to cross. And all hell will break loose. I can already see it.

All I can say is this, and it won't matter because the one I need to read it won't... and if they do, they won't get it.... But...... Cherish what you have today because it may not always be there.