Your horse has feathers

I want to win the lottery. I want to take my winnings and take my Grandma and Mom and fly them out of here. Fly them somewhere perfect, somewhere warm, but not hot. Somewhere they canhave friends and things to do and not have to worry about living up to what everyone else expects from them.

My Grandma is 83 years old. In her life time, she's raised most her grandkids. At different times, they have all lived with her before. She would never turn any of us down. But the time has come in her life where her good doings aren't good enough anymore. Those that are supposed to love her are turning their backs to her, and it's all because of Brian.

Something about Brian is so special to Grandma, and I don't get it. But then again, I'm the only on that doesn't try to get it. I figure, it's her life, let her make her own choices and decisions right? She's a grown woman, she's obviously done just fine until now. And who am I to question her? Who is anyone to question her?

I'm trying to get together Miks birthday party so I emailed my cousin that I never see anymore to see if she'd allow her family into Grandmas house yet, and she wrote me back tleling me how insensitive and rude and uncalled for my post about her was. Ya'll remember that post? If not click here. Anyway I wrote her back and let her know exactly how I felt. But anymore, I don't even care. I'm not taking up for my grandma. If my family chooses to "write her off" then that's their problem, no tmine. I'm not the one thats missing out. I'm the one ensuring that my grandmother and I have a wonderful relationship. I'm the one making sure that I put it in my grandmas mind that anytime she needs something, she can count on me. I like being dependable, especially to someone who deserves it so much.

I'm not going to go back into all this, except to say this. Look up everyone.... waay waay up there... see the title? It says " I was put here to offend" yep... that means you... if I've never offended you before, consider yourself lucky.. lol your time will come I'm sure. I have a tendency to say things a bit to harsh or to actually say the things that other people only think, which is why I offend people so easily. But I'm not appologizing for anything, don't start thinking that. This blog is my diary... I write my feelings here... if people chose to read my feelings than they just have to deal with the outcomes of my words. Thats part of reading someones diary. lol

Bottom line is this........ I've tried living my life to please other people.... that didn't work. I wasn't happy, I was being used as a doormat, and I was being talked about. So I changed... I stopped giving a FLYING FUCK what other people thought about me and since then I feel so much better. I don't feel like someones puppy anymore.. so I'm not going to change.

I've said this a few times before... When something happens to my mom, and after my grandma is no longer here..... Sean and I both plan on getting the hell out of this state. We've wanted nothing more than to leave Kentucky, and soon as that door gets opened, we're gone. Never to look back. So deal with me a little longer fam, you'll be rid of me soon enough.