Heartfelt HNT

I was on the phone with my mom today and she told me that she'd been keeping a secret from me for years. She was thinking about it tonight and decided she finally wanted to tell me about it. Kinda strange.

When my dad died, we didn't think he left a note. But I found one one day where he had started to write one, it was like 2 lines and didn't really say much but that was all there was. Well, come to find out, he did leave a note. The paramedics read it to mom and she hid it from me. Afraid my nosey ass would find it, she threw it out eventually. It doesn't really matter to me anymore.

It mentioned a woman who he claimed to really love, but that's not a shock either. Even at 14 I knew what was going on with them, I knew about the other women. I knew a divorce was in the near future but after he killed himself, divorce wasn't really necessary. =) I'm sorry.. ya'll prolly think I'm insane but this was 13 years ago.. It was very difficult and when I finally got over it, I completly got over it. I told mom tonight because she was afraid I was mad at her for keeping it from me that I understand why she didn't tell me, and I do. I wouldn't tell my daughter about the things he said in it either, it was, um... un necessary.

Through the years, moms told me stories about things he'd done to her and I came to the realization that as a husband, my dad was pathetic. But as a father, I really have no complaints. I always remember him being good to me and fun to be with and understanding and loving. He was an alcoholic and yes, toward the end there he got pretty bad with his drinking and it started to interupt our good life, but he still wasn't abusive toward me or anything like that.

It's just kinda strange, after all these years to hear it firsthand. I wish she would have kept it though, for some reason, I'd like to have it. But, I told her over and over again.. I totally understand her reasoning.

Anyway, I know this isn't what most HNT surfers want to come across, (lol) but I needed tosay it all and didn't want to wait till Friday. =) So, my pic for today is below...... =)