confused

I am without parents.

That's really strange to me. This isn't a sad post or anything. I'm not sad. I can't explain what I am though, but I know it's not sad.

I was talking to a friend of mine today, she's same age as me, but she's a single mom. She was talking about her ex boyfriend and said that he's afraid of her dad. And I told her that was a good thing. But then i got to thinking... If I'm ever single again.. I have no dad to scare away the nutjobs. And I have no mom to get approval from. Weird.

Not that I'm thinking of being single in any way, I'm just thinking in general.... what other things will I need my parents for in life? I mean I know I'm grown and all that shit, but don't you still "need" your parents for something?

If I ever need a loan I'm screwed for sure. lol

I found out something abou tmy heath the other day that I'm not willing to disclose just yet... and the first thing I wanted to do was call my mom. But I couldn't. And Sean wasn't home, and none of my friends were around. Mom would have been.

It's things like that.

When someone says "what year was your dad born again?" or "what year did your parents get married in?" and I can't remember, she'd know.... and because she can't tell me, I just don't know either.

When dad died when I was 14. I thought it was strange to not have a dad anymore that young... but then mom died when I was 27... I'm not even 30 yet. BOTH my parents have died. 27 is even young to lose one parent.

It's just strange.. lol I've said that over and over I know. And again I'm reall ynot all that sad, I'm just having a hard time coming to grips with that one fact. I've been over my dads death for quite some time now, and I dealt with moms pretty well I think.... I don't dwell on any of it, but that one thing keep scoming back to me.

Maybe if I had siblings it'd be different too. But nope, just me.. lol it's like I'm the last one....

Both my parents had lost their dads already... and both my grandmas are in their 80's and I don't know if I'm truthfully close to either of them anymore. I might talk to them once in awhile.... and I don't talk to any of my other family members anymore at all. Well cept brian. =)

We've never been super close to seans family, I know i can count on them though, but it's not the same.

So I guess maybe in some odd little way I'm lonely?

hmm.. I don't know... anyway.....