On your marks... get set..... RUN.

Maybe I shouldn't take things so personally all the time.

Mom got a letter yesterday from Social Security telling her she had received an overpayment of like 5 grand back in 98. Yea 98... Lat time I checked, it was 06... way to be SS..... notice something that happened damned near 10 years ago. So anyway, to pay back this overpayment they are keeping every penny mom draws until Feb. of 07. So that apartment she was so excited to get just got washed right down the drain. She can apply for SSI, but it's about 300 less per month than she's always drawn, and she can't afford all her bills in a apt. with just SSI. Breaks my heart. Let's not make anything easy on her.

So, she's been staying with L.C.... L.C. said, stay here as my room mate, and come and go as you please. She was fine with this until today. Larry called and invited her down for dinner. L.C. spazzed out. WTF? And naturally, when anyone gets mad at mom, they immediatly start talking shit abou tme. again... WTF? I bend my ass over backwards to help all these fucking assholes anytime, or almost anytime they ask. I mean sure, sometimes I just can't drop everything and take someone to the store but thats to be expected... I'm not at their beck and call. It's a mother fucking favor assholes... if I can't at the moment it's not because I'm being hateful, t's because I'm already busy.... ugh. He had to pay some bills online and Joe couldn't help him so mom told him that I'd probably help him do it and he responded with "Robyn hardly ever does anything for me when I ask her" Fuck that... he'll see now how much Robyn does for him won't he? I can't even think of a time I've turned him down when he's asked. Not one time. Cept for two days ago when he asked me to pick him up from work.. I couldn't... my car is dead.. Now how the fuck am I supposed to help that? The fucking car is dead.. it's not like he asked me and then I went out and like slashed the tires and poured water in the gas tank or anything just so I wouldn't have to come get him.. it fucking died on it's own accord. Assholes.

So she's thinking about going back down to Larrys... I told her that what she's doing is wrong.. you can't just up and leave everytime someone gets mad at you. You can' tplay games with people, but thats her life, not mine. I told her I'd be civil to Larry but that he wouldn't be allowed around Mik by himself ever, regardless ofhow nice he pretended to be to her. He crossed aline with disciplining her and once it's been crossed, theres no uncrossing it. Sorry. That may seem stubborn but I'm her mom. It's my job to protect her no matter who it pisses off. Sean, on the other hand,isn't even willing to be civil. He wants nothing to do with Larry. And in a way I understand. Larry threatned Sean, not that Seans scared or anything like that, but if he's going to get mad enough to threaten us, what's he going to do to Mik next time she doesn't listen to him ya know... so I can see Seans point. I do think that for my moms sake, he could be un hateful when Larry's around but he isn't willing to do that. He says that if Larry's there, he's taking Mik and leaving regardless of the circumstance. *sigh*

I sometimes feel like just running away from everything. I'm so serious too. If I didn't have my family (sean and mik) I'd prolly have left by now. I've never encountered something that I couldn't pull myself through but all the heartache that I know moms feeling is killing me. I don't know how to make things better for her or me.

I wish that I could just say let's me and you get aplace together, or I'll pay some of your bills for you, but I can't do either of those things.. hell half the time I can't even pay all my own bills.

Because of this stress I'm always so short with Mik too. I lose my patience with her at the drop of ahat and I hate that. I wish I could deal with everything better. It's not Mik's fault and I know that. I'm not being a very good mommy and the greatest thing about it.... No one will help me. There are a ton of people that could come get her for a few hours or keep her overnight just to give me some time to myself but that never happens. And I guess it's wrong of me to want some time to myself. I should want to spend every second with my daughter, and it's not necisarrily that I don't want her with me, I just want a little bit of time to go for a walk by myself, or take a nap or something. Like I said, I'm being a terrible mommy.

I'm so sorry to anyone I've offended lately, or whatever. I'm so sorry to my daughter for not having patience with her, I'm sorry to my husband for whatever I've done to him lately. I think I'm losing it.

***UPDATE***

I was going to make a seperate post about this but I was worried that no one would read this one if I did that and this is th one that explains everything.. lol

K, well I went to pick Mom up from Larrys last night and take her back to L.C's for the night. She proceeds to tell me that Pappy (her friend who's coming in town in the next couple weeks) is an ordained minister and is going to marry her and Larry when he's here. Ummm...... WTF? Let's just go from living together, to hating each other, to talking shit, to having dinner together, to let's get married. Again, I'm so confused.

Now, it's not going to be an official marriage, no paperwork or anything legal because she'd lose her medication help and he'd lose his section 8 and it's not worth that to either of them so it's just a ceremony. Yea Yea it's sweet I guess, but I think it's retarded personally. I mean two days ago they couldn't stand each other, they have one steak dinner and now they're getting married. See why I want to run away?