I Was Put Here To Offend.

2011-10-24T23:13:00.000-07:00

I wrote this big long entry earlier and had it posted for a bit so you might have seen it, but I decided to just save it to the good old draft folder instead. Why? Well, cause some things just aren't worth it...... So I'ma sum it all up instead....pay attention now.... k.

Past like 5 weeks Seans been acting all withdrawn and wierdly quiet around home. He'd say it was work anytime I asked what had him so... meh.... and part of me can believe that... cuz he really does slave for them unappreciative bastards he works for and they barely give him shit... but hes worked for them for years and this year hasnt even been as bad as prior ones, so I know thats not entirely whats wrong with him.....

This year though, he's gone out more nights than he hasn't pretty much... and then at home he'ss got barely any intrest in anything....so I'm like hmm? I don't argue with him about it though, if he wants to go ut and have fun go ahead.. I'm fine with that.. just whatever time you will be home let me know so I dont worry. Thats literally all i ask. Well, thursday night he comes home round 2... house closes at 12. and to be quite honest I dont even fully recall the conversation that much but according to him this was my idea and he agreed... but from what my mind remembers it was his idea... he said it, I never said anything like seperating. If i'd have been thinking about seperating, I would have waited til after tomorrow (well its today actually now).. but yeah, it's been 5 years since my momma died today. and support from everywhere would be ideal, so if it was my idea to seperate, ida waited a few days still. but thats neither here nor there right? thats that old pity shit and I don't need pity.. never have.

I'm not getting into reasons about why i feel seperating is good OR bad... I'm just saying it was more his idea this time than it was mine. He said to tell everyone this story we figured up, including mikayla he packed some things (after i washed abd fikded then fir him..ima a fuckin sucker..) and then he left. took the car and was off to work the house.

We talk for like 2 minutes thru a window of a car when he dropped our car off to me at my gmas, he said november 1st was when we were gonna talk to her. and thats the extent of conversation weve had about it.

So I've got this on my mind... then I've got the fact that I'm lieing to my daughter on my mind and like thats not enough... she tells me that we need top move out in the next week cause I'm not holding up my end of the bargain on living there. I had to wait til today to get litter to change my cats box so the basement kinda stunk... i'll hafta admit to that one, but she said my room was just a disaster. I had a bag of trash and an empty 12 pack soda thingy box to throw out......... everything else was fine... not like gleaming or nothing but it was fine.

I do the dishes at least 4 times a day there.... cook a meal meal every night that i have to clean the stuff to use,cook it all then clean all the stuff afterwards too... table floor, coffee pot even tho i dont drink that shit. i took out your trash (sometimes twice daily for the past months) but forgot my own...

Everyone else doesnt see what i see... some days are awesome and some days are just horrible.. Someone in my family will end up reading this to her im sure and she will dislike me even more then... i hope not but i cant stop that i guess, its a public blog of course... so yeah moral of the story is that gma kicked us out today... gave me a week but i went with the only option i have without having to leave town, and am staying at a friends thats close by. Miks bus even has a stop nearby the house. Theres not a lot of room and we have a lot of stuff,but I guess I'll figure that out with any advice I get....'

And I've mentioned it already but today (oct25) is the day my momma died... so its kind of a meh day anyway,,,,

I dont really wanna say anymore than I already have and may just save this one to draft as well... i dunno.. i just know i feel pretty used.. i feel like I'm very helpful in almost all situations someones in if I care about them and are able to be... but the secoind I cant be or tell someone no I have to do something else.. I turn into this horrible person who never does anything..and I dont understand why it hapens to me....im not a horrible person... least not by my standerds, and i have pretty good taste in ppl i think. lol.. point being is that one day a persons one way(the way that has always been normal) and then theres days where theres just a major forgetfulness of big big things and then an anger towards anyone who points it out (me usually) (though I'm never rude til she starts calling me names, then I ghet a little loud.. my kids around.. i don't want her remembering gma screaming cuss words and rasin her hand to me like she could slap me or somethin) (id duck fyi)

and the reason ill probabyu just save this to draft is because one of my family members wil read ot and go read it to this p ertson and that person who tells these pepople and god knows what the stories like by the time its ran its course... then after they read it to her, they will all tell them they got it from my website, and she will be even more mad at me then she already is...

I know the things that needed to be done around our room, i knew every one of them, and was like on the way home to start doing them.. cleanin shit in hand.... then she tells me this and i started packing my car calling frineds for like a week of staying with them to figure shit out... so thats where we are.. and im def saving this to drafts now cause all i need now is cps saying i dont have a place forn her to have a room...

But Nick and Terry offered us aplace to stay.. and I'ma bust my ass to find a job and start life enjoying time with people who love me and appreciate me and actually want me around.. eople like nick. under his mean shit.. which he uses i think just to feel like by hurting someones feelings or bringing up their faults sets em back in their steps long enough to not be able to say anything back.. it's an intimidation thing, but he abd i have a nunderstanding of each other that i dont think either of us could ever find in anyone else. Its a spark.. and everyone can see it.. even if we both try to not pay it any attention, its always there anyway... hard to fdullyt explain...

but i havew clothes in the dryer to go check and i absolutly hate typing on this keyboard.. good night.. send me good vibes on my living with friends, searching for a job, husband just left me state,,,, lol I'm one of them songs thats classified as newer and older country mixed together shit... lol yep, checkin clothes then sleepy time.. gotta get the kid to school. xoxo into the draft foldeer you go...

Yeah, she did it again. Lets all flip out now.

2011-10-24T17:16:00.000-07:00

You have no idea how many times I hear, "please don't tell anyone else about this Robyn, or put it on that thing you do on the computer" (which would be this... or facebook) Now when I hear this phrase being said to me, it's usually after something has happened that I can't actually list an example of because I promised I would "never put that on that thing you do on the computer" and I don't break promises to this person unless it's an emergency. BUT, i WILL say this much..... when I hear that phrase spoken to me, something that is a very clear clear symptom or warning sign that ~something~ is wrong -upstairs-, if you catch my drift.

Now whatever it is thats wrong -upstairs- isn't an everyday thing, but it can happen to such a degree that causes somewhat dangerous situations to occur. Now when these situations occur, WHO is the one who immediatly drops anything, including work, (I cant tell you how many times I left my job at Blimpies in a hurry just to do something that needed immediate assistance or were going to harm someone or become HUGE problems)... point is... I am the one who gets called to fix the problem... ME, and NOONE else but ME. Couple others claim they do it too, but those couple others have been around maybe..... 4 times total in like 4 months.... Hell theres a project from LAST fall that has yet to be finished... Sean, me and a few friends are the ones who did about 85% of it to begin with, then something sort of like today happened and we were told basically that we were worthless failures and needed to get out... so we stopped that project and guess what???? Its in the EXACT shape we left it in..... because the original people were supposed to finish it once we were out of the way have NEVER come back to do a single thing on it since.... had we not been stopped it would have been finished over a year ago like it should have been.... but no..... hell i got threatened of being hit in the face even over that particular situation. HIT in the face... (over wall paint btw, archive my previous posts if you'd like the story, it's there somewhere)

There was another time when a cousin of mine TRASHED my her basement... had 14 dogs at one time just running loose... he didnt even live there, I was the one who fed and watered and let them out every day, but these dogs ended up putting this basement into a state that the health department would have condemned and thats nowhere near an exageration either... One again, go thru the archives and you can find the pictures... it was like off an episode of billy the exterminator vs hoarders all in one... my ENTIRE family refused to go to her house any longer... REFUSED.... they all REFUSED to help clean it also, even the one who caused it refused to help clean it... but who finally got tired of watching her cry over the things they'd say about her??? oh yeah, that was ME...... who is it always? ME..

I'm not looking for an award... don't think that... I'm just looking for a little gratification and appreciation... I wake up almost daily with a *to do* list in order to copntinue living where I was living... I contribute 480 a month in food to the house as well... I always complete my *chores*, then I do the dishes and sweep all the floors.... then once a week I do everyone in the houses laundry.... I even fold it for them after I get it out of the dryer.... I cook dinner every single night, then while everyone rushes off to watch their tv shows, I also CLEAN all the dishes and cookware from dinner, and put away any leftovers... then I clean the entire kitchen, and make my uncle some desert.... EVERY NIGHT. I read a sign on someones wall once that said "the cook never has to clean" I'd like to see a day that happened for me. I then clean the coffee pot, and put coffee in it and get it ready to just turn on the next day.... and I don't even drink coffee. Oh, almost forgot, Once a month, I clean my uncles room and bathroom for him too.

Now, I'm a 32 year old adult... I do have a life, and occasionally I like to go out with friends and do something outside my house.... Whenever I do one of these things, I'm required to leave a number I can be reached at... make it known where I'm going and when I'll be back. And again, this is no joking or exageration... and if I'm late, the entire house is pissed off at me for being unreliable or a flat out liar.

Now, every time I've ever lived at where I'm living now, I've had cats.... When Amanda lived there she had 2 cats... in the same room I'm living in now... when mom lived there, she had 3 cats... and a dog.. in the same room I'm living in now, and also when she moved to the basement. Everytime I've lived there, in the room I'm in now, in the basement, and in the room upstairs that is now harolds room... I've had 2 cats..... my gma refuses to believe me anytime I tell her this... she swears on everything holy that she's never allowed cats in her house..... um, yeah ok..... then of course, my cousin had 14 dogs. and theres also been birds, gerbils, ducks, and a pot bellied pig that lived in that house either thru me, manda or my mom.... but again.... "theres never been anything but a dog.. and only 2 of them at a time" yeah, it takes 2 of them to make puppies.. lol and theres been 4 litters of puppies born in the basement...... whatever though, thats not the point... lol

Point is, I bend over backwards to do everything, everything, everything in the house I'm in.... no one but me has had to run a sweeper, wash a dish or polish anything since I've been there.. I even polished the banister and all the fucking steps going upstairs.... not to mention, sean and I were the ones who stained the porch, and repaired a lot of the fence (that sean and I built for her back in 99)(which she also swears up and down that him and I had nothing to do with it) we were th eonly 2 who were even there..... built the entire thing.... I fucking know this for fact cuz I stepped on a rusty ass nail building the mother fucker and had to get a tetnus booster..... can't forget shit like that....

again though, not the point.... my point is this.... 3 days ago, Sean and I split up, and he was supposed to bring me my car and a little money so I could go get the cats some litter to change their box, which admitly did really smell bad.. but it was only on day 3 of not being changed.. it's not like it sat for 2 weeks just reeking.. and it's in the fucking basement that NO one goes in but me anyway.... ugh... anyway... I couldn't get the litter til today... had just got back to the house, litter in hand and was informed before I even made it inside that Mikayla and I had a week to move out. She told me I wasn't holding up my end of the bargain... my cats box stunk and my room was a mess.... Oh No.... My uncle can piss on the carpet when he misses the toilet at least twice a day... but my cats box was maybe 2 days overdue...... it may rain frogs people.... be careful if you go out... wtf???

My husband just left me... I'm searching for a job, and tomorrow is the 5 year anniversary of when my mom died. My daughter is coping with her daddy not seeing her til after the first of the month because we have lied to her and told her that he's out of town working.... and then I'm told I need to move the fuck out basically cause I'm being accused of being lazy...

Ok. I'll move. Already left actually. I had an option luckily although it's not the way I was wanting to do things..... but still...... wonder who she will find to climb up on a ladder each morning to roll up the blind on her backdoor.. See it doesn't pull roll anymore like it should and she can't stand if theres no light coming in.. so without me to do it, SHE will be climbing that ladder each and every day. Grandma sometimes stumbles walking on flat ground, you really think she needs to climb a ladder every day? Or wait, better yet, do you really think anyone will travel all the way to her house to do this for her every morning???? Um, HA I say....... then everyone will all sit around just absolutly baffled... can't understand how it happened when she falls doing this simple task..... and all the rides she needs.. and NO ONE will take her? Guess she'll be driving them herself now.... stay off the sidewalk people... she nailed someones house trying to go thru an alley and bent the fuck out of her fender not but amonth ago.... my cousin was able to fix it (because NO ONE else would come look at it for her) but he also traced it to the exact spot she hit.. and it was a house.... she claims it was a curb.....

it's just things like that.... I do more than anyone realizes.... she won't even udnersand half the mail she gets anymore without someone there to comprehend it and explain it to her....

But Robyn had a full can of trash in her room and a stinky cat litter box..... I can totally see how that voids out everything else I do and warrants an eviction.

Everyone has questioned me for years why I don't think of family any higher than I do.... maybe if people would actually open their eyes and realize whats actually going on, they'd understand....

Until then, I have my daughter, I have my memories, and I can stand proudly and claim that I, of anyone I know, am one hell of a person.... and if others don't see it too, they can kiss my ass.

xoxo ungrateful assholes.

jus checkin in

2011-09-10T20:26:00.000-07:00

Hanging out at a friends house tonight. Been over here most the day hanging out too... has been nice to have some free time. I cleaned the hell out of our room at gmas today too.. and in the past week have probably done about 15 loads of laundry.. lol and still aren't done with our laundry yet.. I've been washing and sorting thru all our winter shit, gonna be needing it soon I think. Today was the only warm day this week, and it's rained all week long too.

Needed the rain though.. I bet it's rained as much in the past 4 days as it has all summer long. Has been HOT and DRY. I like hot normally but it's even been a bit much for me, and that says alot.. lol

Don't have much to report really, just wanted to check in and post a lil something. Hope all is well with everyone reading.

Luvs.

Moving....... aaaaaaaaaaaaagain. lol

2011-09-02T20:45:00.001-07:00

Moving this weekend. =) It's not the most convenient place we've ever lived in but it will work and be a better environment and situation than living at my grandmas has been this time around. I think that grandma NEEDS someone (besides my uncle who runs her down more than anything else does) living there with her anymore, but unless she would agree to let us rent the basement again then we can't live there. For one, I don't like sharing a room with Mikayla... that's not something I want her to get used to.. She's always had her own room, and never has gotten into a habit of sleeping with or near us and I don't want her to get used to it, or worse, get to where she expects or needs it. I've always felt really proud that I've made my kid independant enough that she has always slept by herself, in her own bed, in her own room, and I'm afraid that if we continue to share one big room with her, that she's going to start only feeling secure when she's near me at night. I couldn't handle that.. I barely like sharing my sleeping area with my husband, I'll be damned if I share it with my kid. I'm such a terrible sleeper that I just do better if I sleep by myself.. is why I end up on a couch or something bout half way thru the night... lol If it wouldn't offend Sean like it seems to, I'd actually prefer to be able to sleep alone....

But if gma would agree to let us into the basement again, I'd be ok living there. at least down in the basement it feels like theres a small sense of "our own space"..

Where we're moving to is also a basement. It's a much smaller area than Grandmas is though, and theres no access to the house from the inside of the basement.. you have to go outside and up the back porch stairs to get into the house.... where the one and only bathroom is located. i'm not sure how middle of the night potty needs are going to go.. thats the only part I'm kinda worried about. Mikayla isn't going to want to walk outside in the middle of the night, come into a dark house and thru someone elses bedroom to get to the bathroom. We considered getting one of those camp toilets for nighttime bathroomness and just emptying it daily... but I'm not sure how that will go either... lol But just like every other issue in life, It will get figured out somehow... =)

kidney woes

2011-08-13T16:13:00.000-07:00

So I went to the doctor last week about my kidneys. I had my first kidney stone when I was 15 years old... and have had about 40 of them since then....For the first time in the 17 years Ive fought with these things, a doctor actually gave me some options and suggestions. Gave me a little hope finally. At the time of my appt, I had 3 stones that were traveling thru the tubes in my kidneys, and one thats just chillen inside my kidney waiting to break loose and pass. As of today, I've passed 2 of the 3 that were moving, and this 3rd one is really giving me hell... Hurts Hurts Hurts.... I hate it.

She started me on a restricted diet though thats supposed to make my body stop producing these things so often though. I'm only allowed meat and animal protiens three times a week now, can never again in my life eat a grapefruit and have to severeley limit my salt intake. I also have to limit how often I eat oranges, berrys with seeds on them, peanuts, rhubarb, dark green leafy vegetables, and next to no red meat at all... and restrict myself to 2 glasses of soda and 2 glasses of tea a day, and the rest of the day I can only drink water... and also, contrary to popular belief, no cranberries. Yep, cranberries are BAD..... most people swear by their juice when they have kidney infections, but in reality, cranberry causes your body to over produce uric acid which is bad bad bad......

SO, I've been following these orders the best I can. Is hard to get used to not eating whatever the hell I want to eat like I've done my whole life... but I'm trying to follow it.. and I so hope it makes a difference. I'm getting to the point where dealing with the pain from these things on an almost constant basis has started to affect my mood and just overall life in general.... I get so down and hopeless feeling when I'm in pain all the time.. so somethings gotta give or I'ma lose it.

So think about me when you're enjoying your steak tonight.... lol

I didn't disappear

2011-08-12T16:36:00.000-07:00

Been awhile.. this will be a quick one too, but just wanted to post a lil somethin to let everyone know I'm still here. =)

We are doing pretty good, same shit different day really... lol Tryin to save money to get us a place again.. stayin at grandmas again for now.. it won't be too much longer tho. I really dislike that feeling like I'm intruding on my gma all the time. That and she gets in her moods sometimes and starts treating me like I don't do anything for her... when in reality I bend over backwards for her and my uncle.. I do more for them then I do for my daughter, husband or self even. I just hate that unappreciated feeling. =(

Getting ready to go play Black Ops tho... so I'll write again later. =) Loves everyone, and yes, I'm still here.

Sorry took me so long.

2011-01-22T18:58:00.000-08:00

Lately I've felt like I've been stuck in a downward spiral. And I have no one to blame for it but myself.. although, I've never been one to blame others for my problems anyway.

I never did blog about this when it happened, but remember years ago when Sean and I did all those benefit shows to raise money for my childhood friend Creed who had cystic fibrosis and needed a double lung tansplant? Well he got the transplant and I blogged about that... but on Nov 27th of 2010, My very dear friend Creed passed away. His body finally got the best of him and decided it needed a much deserved break. =( Was a very sad time for me.. I loved Creed very much. Met him when I was 15, been close close friends ever since. He was an amazing, unique, friendly, one of a kind type of person. Anyone who ever met him loved him and anyone who got to know him has a large hole missing now that he's gone I'm sure. I know I do. Got to see a lot of old friends at his funeral, was nice in a way. We all comforted each other over something we all knew would happen one day. But he's able to breath easy and pain free now and I couldnt ask for anything better than that for him. He was one of the toughest bravest men I've ever known and I was damn lucky to have the relationship I got to have with him. I feel grateful that I now feel sad because it just means that I was one of the lucky ones who got a chance to really know him. R.I.P. my friend.

Ended up losing our apartment... we decided to let it go, but regardless, we now don't have it anymore. And we don't have the money just yet to get a new one either, for the time being (very temporaryily) we are staying at Seans moms house. I'm very grateful that Linda let us all inhabit one of her rooms again for a little while, but it's a very cramped, stressful situation that I hope we don't have to be in for much longer. So that has gotten me a little stressed out.

Reason this scenario is my fault::::: I'm being sued for medical bills and my paychecks get garnished when I'm working. They percentage they take from me allows me to bring home 119 a week. Now in a months time, thats just barely 500. Which it's 500 extra, if nothing else my income could pay rent and I know that would be helpful and I'm going to find a part time job really soon so I can at least contribute that much but it really gets me down that I'm not allowed to make enough to support anyone. That deliquent medical bills are that fucking important that they have to leave me with next to nothing for an income just to ensure that hospital gets paid. sounds kinda backwards to me, but whatever.. i made my bed right? *sigh*

Problem 2... my health.... I've been sicker than hell for the past 3 weeks... Felt like I got hit by a bus. My leg and arm muscles hurt so bad I couldnt stand it and my back and stomach would cramp to the point of not being able to stand upright. I couldnt eat without getting sick and I ended up not being able to shit for 5 days straight... was in so much pain... I ended up in the er twice over it... first time they said it was just constipation and sent me home with a laxative that made me feel like I was having a seziure... (tmi? lol) But after it got me "working" again, the pain hadnt gone away yet, and I still couldnt pee like I should... Like I would feel like I had to but then couldnt... anyway, long story short, they ended up telling me I had a bacterial infection in my lower intestinal tract that had been there awhile apparantly and they couldnt remove it at this point, it's too wide spread. So they gave me meds to take... that seem to be helping, the pains not so bad anymore, goes away more with each day but I'm still not back to normal. but all this has REALLY gotten me down.... this can be a reacurring thing and that scares the shit out of me. I have enough reacurring problems with my kidneys, I don't need to worry about anything else going wrong with me on a repeated basis... kinda makes me feel pretty pitiful and broken... and hopeless.... has really taken a toll on my emotional state.

This is my fault because of the obvious::::::: its happening to me::::::: lol and I've spent so many nights curled ina ball crying cause it hurt so bad and whined all day every day for weeks now that I'm even getting on my own fucking nerves about it.. and I know I've gotten on Seans cause he kinda started being an asshole about it for aminute... I got him back in check tho. Got one other person I whine to alot and he's been listening pretty well but lately he's been almost rude about it to me, and that hurts my feelings a whole whole lot... Specially cause he's volunteered to go to the hospital with me and whatnot cause he knows I get down cuz I can't call my mom and that Sean has needed a break from my whining..... then he's gonna be almost hateful to me about it..... really got to me for a minute... but I worked my head thru it... and i got sean to stop being mean.... but I also decided to just suffer in silence for the most part... is what I do most other times in my life, for this reason...... men are so... just.... grrrrrrrrr sometimes... insensitve dicks... lol

Been thinkin about my mom a whole whole lot lately... probably cuz I've been sick and needed someone to talk to, but I just cant get her off my mind. I need her so bad... hate that she's gone. I call her best friend Cathy a lot now... just cuz I know she will let me talk.

This is my fault cause its been 4 years now.... I oughta be getting used to not having her around but I just dont think I can get used to something like that... dont think i want to. I also try not to whine about this too much.... I really do feel like a whiner... and I get on my kid for whining all the time, maybe I just found the source huh? lol

Been doing not so well with Sean too.... we dont fight or anything I just have a lot of issues I cant seem to work out between us... some of the ways he has hurt me in the past are just beyond my ability to forgive for obviously.... but he knows all this... so not going to talk a whole lot about this cause the direction it goes depends.....

BUT, I do have a positive thing to announce.... =) =)

I am now officially enrolled in University of Phoenix's Small Business ownership and Entrepenuering Bachelors Program. =) I got my grants approved and the extra I needed in loans and I start feb 17th. I'm very excited. I know this was something my mom wanted to see happen. I was in college when she died and I dropped out cuz I couldnt focus my mind at that time, and I know she owuld have wanted me to go back and finish up the degree I wanted... so just for you momma, I start in 29 days. =) AND, they do this incentive program where you can write a 3000 word essay on a life experience they have like 50 topics to choose from, I chose Death of a parent, if you do well you can earn up to 3 credit hours for this one essay.... So in my mommas honor since I'm doing this for her, It seemed only appropriate that I do my very first assignment on the lesson I've learned in life by losing her. I think she'd like that. I'm going to work really hard on it so that I can get the max amount of credit. And my credits from when I went to jefferson Community College when I was 19, 11 of those hours transferred so I get to start with a couple under my belt already. I'm very excited. Seems like just what I needed.

And as long as I get to keep enough of my taxes, I'm going to take as much as I can and file bankruptcy so I can wipe out my financial problems and start over. New focus on life... =) I'm hoping the positive changes will start a pattern for me.

We shall see. I know I have to work some shit out in my head in order to be a happy succesful person in life.... I know I'm the only one who can control decide and make happen the things I need in my life to happen.... I have a plan and a goal in mind tho.. and nothing is going to keep me from it. Nothing. I've wanted this for too long, I will make it happen.

Like 3 months now.. lol

2011-01-18T23:43:00.000-08:00

Been awhile... just thought i'd let ya'll know I was still alive and well.. lol I'll post more tomorrow but right now it's bedtime. =) xoxo

congrats to my manda

2010-10-14T19:51:00.000-07:00

Been an interesting few days.... Manda had her baby... =) Kailyn Faith.. she's a cutie.. I haven't gotten out to visit her yet but I will. i'm so happy for them.. they got their perfect one boy one girl family.. =) it's kinda neat to watch the people you grew up with have kids and shit...

Then my friend Nick's mom died =( He's the responsible party for it too and doesn't have the means at all to do anything so if anyone knows any charities or financial assistance offered for funeral services please let me know.

Found out a guy I used to be friends with is pretty sick and in the hospital waiting to have surgery... they found blood clots and all kinds of shit, he's my age... dont talk to him anymore but i still hope the best for him.... (i didnt mention your name if you happen to read this)

There was an ending to this post but i saved it as draft and deleted it on this copy... it was about my evening last night and how i'm done dealing with lies and drunks.... and as i saved it as draft it occured to me how many posts i draft instead of publish just because i dont know for sure if i really want anyone to read it or not..... or if i dont want certain people to read them..... kinda sucks... cause if i write it at home chances are someone will eventually find it and read it... lol so no thought i have is ever totally safe...... sigh.....

Tribute =(

2010-10-13T17:59:00.000-07:00

My best friends mom died tonight. He's always told me "when my momma goes, i'ma lose my god damned mind" this was always his response when i'd be upset thinking about my mom. He got a phone call tonight from an uncle saying they couldn't get ahold of his momma all day so they went to check on her and she was passed out int he floor, called ems, and they said she had passed away. =( My friend is still over at her house talking to family members and the coroner and so forth and I can't get much conversation or details (naturally) out of him yet.. but I'm sure he'll let me know everything once he gets a chance to relax.

I'm awfully worried though... he's depressed already, and without his momma to rely on I'm not sure how he's gonna be... I hope ok cause i'm so not ready to lose a friend..... I don't think I ever wanna lose anyone ever again for that matter...

I remember every detail about when mom died though, so just to know someone I love is feeling these things right now breaks my heart into a million little pieces.. I hate knowing anyone I know is suffering pain.. I hate hate hated it for Candace when her daddy died... I felt so helpless, like nothing I could do or say was going to help, and nothing I did or said did help so i was right in assuming it.... and I highly doubt I'll be able to do or say anything to help out Nick either.

I just hope he doesn't let this drag him down, or cause him to harm himself... that's my worst fear.... It's hard loving someone when you have to worry if they're even going to be there the next day or not... I mean i know theres always that chance that somethings going to happen to any one of us today or right now, or tonight, or in the morning...thats just life.. but thats not what I'm talking about.... I'm talking about going to sleep at night wondering if someone you know and care about is going to hurt themselves, take their own lives or do something thats going to get them sent away for years and yeears..... it's a heart hardening feeling.

I know how sad losing a parent is... a few of my friends know this same feeling... children younger than my daughter know this feeling sometimes... and almost everyone will know it at some point in life... but that doesnt make it any easier to handle.... it's a sickining kind of sad... it's a hopeless kind of sad... it's a never again or what if kinda sad.... and it never truley goes away.... but it becomes tolerable... and those that love you that remain are all there to help you through it.

I love you Nick... Sean loves you, Mikayla loves you, Bernie Loves you, Belynda loves you, Brian and Mary love you, Mike and Jamie love you, Chris and Kelli love you, Josh loves you, Damian and Aaliyah love you, Brandi even loves you in her own way.... Loads of people love you... they really do... and if you really needed it, they'd anyone be there to talk or listen or help if possible, specially now...... and even if they aren't..... I ALWAYS am. =)

I'm sorry for your pain my friend..... I'll help anyway I can.

Loved your momma... she helped me in a lot of ways... she fed me, gave me a place to stay, something warm to wear, money to wash my clothes and get some smokes, gave me a buzz, helped me find a job, housed some of my stuff, talked to me about everything i needed to talk about, let me cry on her shoulder the second i met her, let me wake her up at 4am the first time i met her........... she did the world for me... before she even knew who i was... your mom was a hell of a woman, wonderful example of a person, pretty decent momma, kick ass grandma, excellent pet parent, a great friend, and a huge part of the reason i made it thru last summer... Gonna miss you Jackie... Loved you like my own momma, and definitly as my friend.. Look Up Phyllis Bogard when ya get there, tell her I sent ya and you'll get the royal treatment. ;)

Love you.

make up and camera fun hehe

2010-10-09T18:30:00.000-07:00

My homeade shirt, and HNT

2010-09-29T17:52:00.000-07:00

I made a shirt today. =) It's my Haunted Hotel T-shirt, I just wanted to try something with it. I got an idea one day and I have 3 of this particular shirt lol so why not? And it turned out pretty cute.

The basic idea was that I cut the whole thing in half, and tied it back together... I need to get some of the wax to coat the ends in so it doesn't ravel.. I could see it doing that quickly.. specially if stretched.. When i finally got it all done, the neck was kinda tight so I cut it down the middle and tied pieces of it back together too... hehe I'm happy with the end result. ;)

And then of course, since it's bout that time.... one for HNT!! Yay! Been forever since I got to participate... =) =) =) =) So HHNT Everyone!!!

I'm scared he's going to disappear

2010-09-23T21:41:00.000-07:00

I Lost my dad to suicide in 93. I've had 2 very close friends try.. and quite a few not so close friends try... but I have this feeling that one day soon I'm going to get a phone call that my best friend is no longer alive.

I know him better than he knows himself... better than most anyone knows him.. and some of the things he's been doing lately is like teetering on that edge ya know...

I don't think my mind could handle losing someone else.. specially someone that close to me.

I'm not sure how I even feel right now...

See I noticed these cuts on his arm today... and in asking he told me he also cut his chest some too... First time I've ever known him to do this.....

And oh it makes me so mad....

Idk anymore... i've always been able to help my friends in spots like this but I cant this time... makes me feel so helpless... and scared...

You cant force an adult to do anything.. specially if your not related to them.. if your a relative you have options to force help on someone... but this way all i can do is say it... and that does absolutly no good.

I've said everything I can think to say to make him realize that he makes things out to be much worse than they are.. loads of people are in way worse situations.... a little dedication could fix it.. BUT, i've also seen him when life was going good for him and he still has this inner depression that attacks him frequently....

Sigh... I cant help.... and I hate that feeling.... and if I wake up one morning to that phone call I'm not sure how I'd ever be able to handle it...

On another note, the haunted houses open tomorrow... Industrial Nightmare is on 8th and Ohio in Jeffersonville Indiana... admission is 18-27 dollars depending on the wings you'd like to go through.... and I'm the ticket seller girl so if you come you'll 100% see me. =) make sure and tell me hi. =)
And Haunted Hotel is at 4th and heywood in Louisville, right by the Downs. Admission is like 17 there I think... it's under 20. Which is a deal, most all the others around town are 20 at least per person....
They are both well worth the money you spend. =) So come see me and let the best houses in town scare the shit out of you this season. =)

xoxo

grrrrr

2010-09-17T20:40:00.000-07:00

I'm here once again to bitch.... lol I'm sorry. and not too many people stop by anymore I don't guess cuz I only get a couple comments here and there but it still makes me feel better just to write it down. ive said that a few times before huh? =)

So my dilema today... double standards... and fuck beating around the bush this time... Back before sean and I split up, some things happened between girl and him. Girl b is girl a's best friend for the record. girl c is also best friends with girls a and b.... I work with girl c. I've never actually exchanged anything unpleasant with any of these girls in person or by email or anything like that. We've never directly said anything negative to each other. In fact It's always been a pretty friendly environment everytime we're around each other. But, there's a mutual dislike that just radiates around us all.... minus girl c, she's kinda a bystander... lol In fact, I've always gotten along very well with girl c.

Now in one of my earlier posts I mentioned something about there being a large group of people who I never contacted when we got back from Fl, simply because Sean had contacted them and was frequently hanging around them.... and I didnt want to take any kind of friendships away from Sean that he had built because before he ws really lacking friends and even tho we werent together I was happy to see he had improved that.. So I never called any of them.. and I did assume that they wouldn't want to talk to me even if i did.. which I apparently was wrong about a few of them, but not these 2 lol.

And, god knows what all he told them about me either.... from what I've gathered, I've been fucking someone else for years now anyway.... I've done some really scandalous things for years and I'm just this terrible person... nothing could have been seans fault and all this was oviously true... Sean says he didn't say all this.. Seans been known to say it just cause it's the easier route to take at that moment too. My opinion is that possibly sean didn't start these rumors about me, but he didn't do anything to defend me from them either. I asked him today why he never defends me against things like this... and his response was to get on facebook and make his status say i love my wife stop picking on her.... it was cute yeah, but the point was that unless i specifically ask him to do it he doesnt take up for me when it counts.

so yeah whatever.. if thats what they were lead to believe than I can see maybe why they dislike me so... but it's not fucking true... so stop being dicks already.. hate me if you like to but stop running your god damned mouths... are you fucking 12?? get a fucking hobby... ugh..

But it's like I told him.. none of them fucks know me, or ever really knew me.. I didn't go around them very much. They may have seen me at a show here and there but that's about the extent of it.. Girl A came over a few times but that was more to stick my husbands cock in her mouth than visit with me.... So to even know what I was doing, or who I was fucking in my spare time isn't even possible... cuz why? cuz they didn't know me like that... but even still, when do i have a chance really to be fucking someone like that all the time? when I have my kid with me cuz I ALWAYS have my kid with me if I'm not at work.... yeah that's when I do it... or at work maybe? yeah then too, that'd have been so hot.. (um ew)

But anyway, today, girl B makes the statement that she doesn't want to hang out with Girl C lately because she might bring her new bff (talkin bout me) with her. This is the first comment from girl B but girl A has been making this comment for weeks now to girl c, and to girl b's boyfriend who also works with us... awe is ya nervous? lol why are you talking to her? your not supposed to like her cuz i dont like her.. blah blah.. whine boo hoo moo bitch. and of course girl c keeps telling me about all these comments she keeps getting from girl b and a and I've been blowing it off but for some reason today she told me about the new bff comment and it just did it for me... I'm so done with this dumb shit... I'm too old to play stupid kid games with two grown females... i'm not doing it.

I'm just curious why they keep going with all this stupid shit... I mean ok you don't like me.. I'm alright with that. I don't like you either.. so we'll just call that one even. Leave it at that. Don't speak to me, and i won't feel the need to speak to you... problem fucking solved. get over yourself already.

And I'm also really tired of all the stupid drama shit that goes around simply from knowing everyone around here...It's always something. if it's not something being said about you it's did you hear about so and so??? omg..... makes you wanna just leave.......but then I think about it and I can't just up and leave......... I don't think my fuck buddy would follow me.

31 going on 90

2010-09-16T18:47:00.000-07:00

I went to the doctor back in May because my wrist kept hurting and three of my fingers kept going numb and they told me I had carpal tunnel and gave me a brace to wear and told me to take b12.... well, I wore the brace awhile but it made it hurt worse so I stopped using it. Occasionally my wrist will hurt but nothing too major...

Well, the past couple weeks my hands, both of them, have been giving me hell.. In the mornings when i first wake up they are so stiff i can barely use them... like they feel puffy or something... like my fingers are too fat to make a fist if that makes sense..

at work the past month I've been painting pretty much everyday, and by about 4 everyday my hands hurt so bad I can barely stand it... and they claw up on me... like they'll keep the shape of how I was holding the roller or brush I was using and stay that way til I relax for a few enough to straighten them back out again.

I realize popping my knuckles is doing damage and I've been doing that since I was a kid but I'm only 31 fucking years old... surely I don't have old lady version arthritis....

Could this be anything else that any of you are aware of? I'ma go to the dr eventually but it's gonna be awhile because 1.. i have to work everyday and 2.... the clinic i go to takes like a month to get you in if it's not an emergency....
But it's really bothering me....
Any suggestions?

grr

2010-09-15T18:47:00.000-07:00

I don't think I ever write about anything happy.. lol and I don't really have anything to bitch about exactly but I'm not in the greatest mood today.

At work, I work with a group of like 10 people, we are all around the same age and we all work in the haunted houses every year. And every one of us is friends with half a million other people who work in the houses too... and this person doesn't like this person, and that person doesn't like this person.. and so on and so on and you get it I'm sure.... so all day long is full of "don't tell so and so I told you this"...and.. "guess what she said about you".. and shit like that... BUT, I'm a favorite for people to talk about. So I hear all kinds of shit all day long from every direction.. lol cause everyone that works with me likes me.....because if I like you and you get to know me, generally.. you DO like me... I'm pretty likeable i think.. but alot of people have this problem....

They either A. Want to fuck Sean, B.Want to fuck me, or C. Heard all kinds of bad shit about me while we were seperated and now they just don't like me cause they think I'm this horrible evil person who just totally did Sean wrong.. AND, some of them fall into two or all the categories. So theres all kinds of shit that goes around about me everyday.. and I learn more every day too..

It gets really old. When I first started back at Industrial, I was gonna just not talk to anyone and keep to myself but one person I really didn't expect to contact me did, and I wrote her back.. well I mentioned talking to her to the chic I work with and she told me to be careful of that person, that she couldn't be trusted.. and I responded with... No one i know can be trusted... and she looked all hurt and said.. I can...... So I decided.. fuck it.. what have i got to lose and have started talking to her quite a bit.. and I love her, I always have... but she was one who Sean ran to when we got back from Fl.. and it's not that she wouldn't talk to me, but I never felt like I could go to her.. Sean knew her a lot better than i did and the stories that (her) and others have told me that he had told people about me... it's no wonder they all hate me... but I assumed he'd done that and didn't call those people just because I didn't want to hear their opinions on the things they'd heard i did.... did you follow that lol

I know none of this makes much sense to anyone but me... but it felt better to write it down..

And my hubby kinda aggravated me today too... won't go into detail on that one but yeah for asecond there his attitude really got me.. he apologized later for his attitude but it still got me.. lol

Theres still a couple things i can't talk about anywhere... at all.... I can't tell this person because I don't want them to tell this person, and I cant tell this person because it involves that other person and it's not something they could pretend they didnt hear, and i cant tell this person because it just makes things look weird, and i cant tell this person because they wouldnt really care... lol and i cant write it here because theres only so much I want 2 certain people to know about me and sean.
I have like 3 other stories I wanna tell but I'ma lay down and try to get sleepy I think.. I've already been on here forever... lol

I might be back if I don't sleep. If not, Sweet Dreams all. xoxo

Ouija table

2010-09-06T21:14:00.000-07:00

So I'm actually telling the truth this time.. I really do have a camera. =) I'll even put up a picture from today to prove it.. lol

I've been helping the decorator at the haunted house. I've basically just done what she needed my help with but one day she couldn't make it into work, and I was there all day so I got to do alot of the work in the new Zombie Stripper Room that Industrial Nightmare built in this year. Sean and his crew built it, like walls and floors and the stage and lighting and shit like that.. What us 2 chics do, well what she does is most all the painting, and adding any effects and decorations.. Like we've added a massive amount of greenery to the swamp, and the new castle room, we hung this huge piece of (horrible smelling) camo netting today, and painted, and figured out a way to hide the mechanics in one of the bigger props... things like that...

Well, the day she was gone I got to hang the main part of the curtains across the stage and bloody up some other props.. But yesterday our boss bought this like living room set. It's a table, and 3 chairs made from old whiskey barrels.. it's pretty hideous, but neat at the same time... so I got to take the table top and paint it to look like a ouija board. I think it turned out pretty cool. I was proud. it's nothing hard by any means, but it's something I'm getting paid to do that is actually kinda enjoyable too. And I'm good at it. hehe

But yep, got a camera, this Thursday.. it's on. lmao. =)

I was tired. lol

=)

The walls are done with this.

The back of the stage, and the curtains

This is the chic I'm helping out.

Ouija Tabletop.

Like I said, it's not hard.. it's kinda tedious but not hard... but i actually enjoy it.. lol that's what's so great. =0) But I was proud of myself for actually creating something.

It tried to eat me. lol

2010-08-25T19:46:00.000-07:00

Still don't have a camera but I found more old pics. hehe =) Mirror theme. =)

Neighbors dog tried to eat me today.. lol wish I had a picture of my leg.

ugh... it hurts.

My kid went over to a friends house she wasn't supposed to be at til little girls parents got home, and i went to get her and they never answer their door so after knocking forever, I opened up the screen door , it was already kinda cracked so the cats could go in and out, I opened it the rest of the way and yelled Mik and the other little girls name... well out of nowhere here comes her dog... latches itself onto my leg and i fell backwards, off the steps and not only do I have a fucking dog bite and like an eggshell sized lump on my left leg, my right foot is all hurting and starting to puff up from fallin off the stairs...

Lol, I can't win for fucking losing.. I always end up getting hurt somehow. grrrrr.

Oh well... I get to go clean offices tomorrow, and I got offered a house cleaning job today too, and side jobs from the same person.. he said "I can't promise I can give ya work for years or anything but I'll definitly keep ya busy a couple months" So that makes me happy. I need to make some money.

With all this garnishing crap going on, and me wanting to go back to school, I'd love to not have to have a set schedule every week type job, the side job pays cash stuff works better for me right now. =) So thank you sooooo very much person who i talked to today. You're awesome!

HHNT!!!!

my cats weird.

2010-08-24T07:14:00.000-07:00

On a brighter note, we are on day 2 of my cat being normal again.

For the past couple months she has been acting really strange. like she's normally a very friendly playful perky cat and she was acting like she was terrified of something for the longest time.

We thought something might be wrong with her, but in checking her out, her health is just fine. She's got a flea or two but I'm gonna dip both my kitties and rid that problem in the next couple days... but that's not it.

She will like find a dark spot and sleep for days... face down.. and if you try to pick her up or move her she will just latch onto you like please dont put me down.. and she'll curl up wherever or however you lay her down and sleep on you face down til you physically move her, and if you don't get up fast enough when you move her she will automatically try to go straight back to the spot she was in but the whole time she's like army crawling... belly to the floor and very tense... Like she's scared shitless of something.

Some people have said maybe it's the new apartment but she started doing it in the other apartment so thats not it either. And she'll do it for weeks, then just one day be back to her old self... like she is today... but this time she's been her old self for 2 days straight now.. and I love it. I hope she doesn't go back to being a weirdo by tomorrow.

We've even considered the idea that maybe something supernatural is fucking with her. Everyone says cats are sensitive to the other world... they were once known as guardians of the other world so I don't doubt they have certain abilities and whatnot but I don't know why something would be fucking with Zoe and leaving Boots alone...

idk what to do with her, but for today she's great. lol

Solution. Then I'ma shut the hell up already.

2010-08-24T06:29:00.000-07:00

I've listened to this song on repeat now for like 4 days... the words to it just hold so much meaning to me... i've never been in a physical abuse relationship like it talks about, i mean i had a boyfriend in high school who liked to pinch and shit like that, anything to leave a mark, he got off on it.. he hit me once.. that was it for me.. but that's the only time I've had to deal with that, but I can so relate to this song in other ways.. So many other ways.

I talked about my "issues" below last night with the person causing me so much hurt right now.. and they basically told me to stop bringing it up, to let it die, to not mention it every day, that they were just mad when they said it, trying to get something out of it, blah blah... well fuck your excuses. I told them that was fine, I was done, i'd never mention it again..

But mentioning and forgetting are two entirely different things and my mind can't forget it. And even if it could, I wouldn't let it. I forgave this 4 times prior and this time I'm just not sure it deserves forgiveness. How's the saying go? Screw me once shame on you, screw me twice shame on me? What about screw me 5 times? Don't think the saying goes that far.

So yeah, I'll keep my mouth shut, keep my thoughts and concerns to myself, i will. But that far from means it's gone or forgotten. I seen what I seen, I know what I read, and I'm not quite the idiot I'm thought of as... my head and heart knows the truth about it, and that's plenty for me.

What i was hoping for was for this person to see how much this was hurting me and to try to actually resolve it, or make me feel better instead of getting mad at me for feeling this way and basically telling me to shut the hell up about it already... but since they took that second route, I know now that what I feel doesn't matter quite like it should. There is a solution to this but said person isn't willing to do it. Never has been willing to do it. and never will do it, I know that now.

and knowing that is more than enough for me.

idk part 14

2010-08-21T17:10:00.000-07:00

So can you all sense the pissed off-ed-ness in my past 2 posts?? Yes i'm kinda mad about something. I don't want to just come right out and say what it is but it really hurt my feelings.

Some things were said about me that I never dreamed would ever be said about me. Like, name calling doesn't bother me, talkin shit about me doesnt bother me, but there are a few catch phrases that can just rip my heart apart, and all of them were spoken... by the same person.

I've talked with this person about it and they think it's all been worked out between us, but it's just not in my mind. I'm not sure how to make it ok in my head. I don't want it to affect the relationship I have with this person but so far it has been, and it's purely because I can't seem to get over the fact that it was said, regardless of reason.

Just the simple fact that this person dind't even think twice about it, just quickly offered up everything that could ever hurt me.. and thinks because we talked about it and they said sorry that makes it alright. Which I guess it should be, I said things were fine, I shouldn't lie if they aren't right? Idk.... ugh idk idk idk

I'm baffled is what it is i think. I'm just amazed that it was even said. If I could repeat it, you would understand.... but I can't repeat it.

ugh idk idk idk

The two posts below this one are related to this too.......

just dont kno.

2010-08-21T07:30:00.000-07:00

To Whom It May Concern:

I can't shake the feeling that all of that was true. You can only do the same thing so many times and then say you were only fucking around and it be believeable so many times. If you were truely only fucking around then once would have been enough, not five times and a visit. I somehow feel like you think I'm retarded or something... i read it word for word.... it's there... and according to you, it's always been there. God that hurts.

I have.

2010-08-20T07:16:00.000-07:00

Ever been told the exact same lie 5 different times?

Ever had your heart shatter into a million pieces?

Ever had someone look at you and lie to your face?

Ever watched them try desperatly to lie to themselves enough that it makes the lie they are telling you believable?

Ever been told you are NOTHING?

Ever stood in the way of someones happiness?

Ever been given proof that you're number 2?

Ever get tired of hearing Sorry?

Like Rap Music?

Because Eminem's new song, Love the way you lie, sums it up in one sentence..

I guess that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano but I love you too much to just walk away.

Just gonna stand here and watch me burn??? Well thats alright, because I LIKE the way it hurts..

Just gonna stand there and hear me cry?? Well thats alright, because I LOVE the way you lie.

Love the way you lie.

i wish i knew what was wrong with him.

2010-08-19T23:53:00.000-07:00

I'm kinda worried something wrong with sean. He's always in a bad mood. If I go to his work he seems like he's in a great mood but if i text or call him, he's always short and seems like I'm bothering him. Which ok, he's at work I get that, but i also know how they work and he could take a second to talk to me sometimes. But even when he does, it generally not very friendly.

Then he;ll come home from work and usually he's in a bad mood then too cause he's been at work all day, but I figured let him shower and wahtnot and he'll pop out of it.. and sometimes he does, but then out of the blue, nothings been said, and he's then right back into being almost hateful toward me, and anyone thats near by. If anyone happens to be over when he starts being that way, they can always sense it with him and see it in his eyes and they will leave. Then he'll be like, why'd everyone leave? and I'll tell him and he'll just roll his eyes and tell me I'm crazy again.

When I say something he tells me I'm crazy and that he's in a great mood and blah blah but I'm far from an idiot and can see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice and ten years with him has taught me what his words tones and looks mean ya know.

I just feel like I'm walking on eggshells again. Been thru this once. I'm afraid to open my mouth half the time in fear it's going to be taken wrong and make him mad. And everyone else notices it too... so just because he says it's not true, doesnt mean squat when everyone else can see it as well. all "your crazy" translates into, is I dont want to tell you whats wrong, i just want you to believe nothing is and go about my way.

I keep wondering if Sean needs to go see someone.. it's almost like he doesn't realize he's being so rude, and if i mention it he doesn't believe me so theres really no point in it anymore.

I don't know what to do... I made up soe stupid excuse to go to my car the other night just to cry for a minute scream twice and get my frustration out before i came back inside.

I'm so very scared. I don't want to lose him again.. I want to be able to work out anything that comes our way but I can't do anything if I'm blocked from knowing the reasons.

When I text him at work for instance, I get responses like lol, ok, k, yes, no..... just one word basic shit,and i ask why so short and he tells me he's busy.. it's hard to work and text... but then tonight he's telling me about an actual conversation he had had with two other people today by text... at work.. and neither of them work related... so he has time to break and conversate with them, but not me.

so tomorrow.. I'll respond to his, but I'm not sending any of my own... then when he comes home tomorrow, I'm going to have the house empty, no people over and I'm not letting anyone come over until he invites them. We will play the sean makes the rules game for a bit and see if that helps out... because something has to give.. I can't take this. I feel like no matter which direction I go, it's wrong.. No matter what i say or who i talk to, I'm either doing it too much or i said something wrong. I can't live like that.. i won't live like that.. thats stupid. Neither of us own each other. I don't treat him that way, I expect not to be treated that way either.

I don't know if he;ll read this or not... and sorry for spilling our business online if you do but 've tried talking to you and it gets me nowhere but in the big I'm not doing that circle.. so i figured someone outside may have a suggestion for me.

I love Sean like nothing in this world... but if he's constantly upset, unhappy or mad, whats the point? I feel like I cant do anything right.

two faced 502.

2010-08-17T05:54:00.000-07:00

I find it hillarious when people say "Awwwwww, I wanna see *my* Robyn"

Why do I find this funny?

Because when Sean and I were split up, Chloa was the only person who was still interested in being my friend.. No One else called, No One Else gave a shit about me.. But Now that I'm back with Sean, it's like oh my goodness I miss Robyn, Haven't seen her in soooo long... Well, yeah bitch, that's cause you made it real obvious that you didn't care to see me... lol so for all I care, you can continue not to see me, and it wouldn't hurt my feelings.

BUT, I'll be friendly, I'll play nice, I'll be just as phony as the rest of them are... Just to save the drama, and to make my honey think I'm not a bitch. lol I'd hate to fuck up his good time or anything, but let someone treat him that way and all hell breaks loose. Whatever tho... I've lived my entire life with double standards, why should now be any different right?

yay me.

birthday party day

2010-08-14T19:43:00.000-07:00

Mickey's 8th Birthday Party was today. It went great, specially seeing as how i didn't even start planning it til yesterday.. lol There's been so much shit going on every other direction that I just hadn't had time to plan her any kind of big extravagant birthday party. But in one day I managed to get most all her favorite people and friends there. Every party before this one consisted of mainly family but this time it was mainly friends. I love that she's old enough now to have solid friendships, and she understands what being a friend is, and has her best friend picked out. I think it's just too cute.

Was worried cause I didn't plan a meal with this party, usualy food is the main focus.. lol all i had was some chips and dip and veggies and dip... a cake of course and some cookies.. i evenforgot the ice cream.. lol but everyone seemed content and had a great time. 5 of her friends wouldn't have been able to come because their parents had other plans so I just had them be dropped off and I watched them so they could all be there, then after the party we all went back to our apt and mik got to play with them all and her new toys... they had too much fun.

made me really happy that it went as well as it did. Nothing is more important to me than my kid and seeing her enjoying herself and happy makes my heart smile. =)

so happy birthday mikayla... my 8 year old beautiful. =)

ch ch ch ch ha ha ha ha

2010-08-13T18:02:00.000-07:00

That was my attempt at the sounds he makes in Friday the 13th... lol you were scared.. i know you were. ;)

Friday the 13th..... always reminds me of my dad. He hated this day.. lol When he was in his early 20's he had to have open heart surgery.....and the date happened to be Friday the 13th... Then years later I was in his truck with him going down 65 and a garbage truck in front of us hadn't lowered the arms they grab dumpsters with, went under an overpass and a piece of it broke off, came back and shattered our windshield then hit the side piece on the truck, then went under the tire popped up and bent the frame in the back, so it totaled the truck. And the truck didnt notice and kept going. On Friday the 13th... lol

So, he started to refuse to leave the house on this day after awhile. he would call into work if need be, and just stay in bed and watch tv all day.. lol

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Was on Facebook couple days ago and one of my friends had posted something and when i got to looking at the comments i recognized one of the people. It's a guy I've known pretty much my whole life and were very close friends as kids... His parents and my parents hung out all the time, so we hung out all the time.. til like high school when everyone develops their own lives and seperate sometimes... that happened to us. i've tried to find him a few times before, I've also tried to find his parents, but could never find any of them, so it was really neat to find him on fb like that.

In conversations, i learned that his momma passed away a few years ago from cancer, and i told him about my mom... but it's been so much fun catching up with him and finding out how he's doing now a days. We plan to meet sometime soon to hang out and catch up.. I'm excited. =)

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Sunday is Mik's 8th birthday.. I'm having her party Saturday (tomorrow) tho. I've really waited til last minute this year and I feel bad for not letting people know beforehand but I've just been so damned busy the past couple weeks... So hopefully some people will show for it. I'm not doing a meal or nothing, just some sit around snacks and cake.. lol don't feel like messing with a big ordeal.

School starts Tuesday.. she's gonna be in the 2nd grade now... she didn't get the teacher she hoped for but she likes the one she got so hopefully she's happy with her this year. She loved her teacher last year. I'm glad her birthday comes before school starts this year tho, last year she started 2 days before her birthday and had to go to school the day of. But, i sent some cupcakes so she was happy.. lol

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Just wanted to write real quick.. nothing really excitings going on right now, which is nice for a change.. lol One of the apt's in this house's water heater busted 2 days ago and our hot water has been off since then cause the water leaking out put out everyone elses pilot lights... BUT, they replaced all the heaters today and it's back on now.. yaaay.. lol so I have 3 days worth of cleaning to do now... ugh.... always somethin.. lol

xoxo

I got some beach in me. ;)

2010-08-10T17:41:00.000-07:00

I keep promising pictures but I can't ever get em online.. lol I have 2 digital cameras in my home somewhere and one of them is broken and the other is hopelessly lost.. lol

So my weekend was AWESOME!! =) =)

Friday was my birthday party as i told you about already.. =0) and it was great... then saturday seans boss calls him and tells him that he needs him to take one of the big led signs they rent and sell to Mississippi because the company down there, the one they had already got hit by lightning and sean had to tow a new one down and swap it for the bad one and tow it back here to louisville. his boss said he could take me with him, so we got a sitter for Mik and went to Mississippi. Flatbed truck with a trailer on the back so we couldn't drive much over the speed limit.. lol so it took us about eleven hours each way. It didn't need to be dropped off until Monday morning, so we left at like 11 saturday night, got there about 10 sunday morning, caught a couple hours of sleep after we got our hotel room and planned to go see the beaches when we woke up and spend the rest of the evening there so that after we dropped off the sign we could start back to louisville early since sean had to work tuesday also... well we woke up and it's pouring down rain.. really strong thunder and lightning storm... figures.. lol

we said fuck it tho.. ive never been to mississippi and he'd never really gotten to see the sights or anything....so we decided to just drive around in the rain and look at stuff.. hehe Had his bosses gps so we looked up points of interest and the biloxi lighthouse sounded cool so we found it... and it was kinda disappointing.. lol it was this itty bitty lighthouse but it's in the middle of the street.. lol it's not even on the water directly, and it's not used and u cant go in it... BUT, it was right at the parking lot for the Gulf Shores national Beaches... so we parked there and thru the windshield watched a WICKED lightning storm out on the ocean... it was one of the coolest things I've ever seen. The rain finally stopped too so we got out and walked up and down the beach and watched the sunset and found ALL KINDS of critters.. hehe We didn't get in the water cause it was dark out and we kept finding jellyfish.. don't wanna fucks with jellyfish.. lol But walking around was perfect.

Went back to our hotel and caught frogs in the parking lot then went in.. had a great night and woke up monday morning at 7, took the sign to the plant then decided to hit the beach one last time before we headed back... played in the ocean for a couple hours.. it was so warm and beautiful. I expected to see some of the evidence of the oil but a local couple told us that beach had been cleaned up for a few weeks now. That it was closed to the public for awhile and no fishing allowed in the area but two weeks prior all that had been reopened so all the oil was gone for the most part. You could still see it somewhat in the sand but the water was alright.

I never expected to get to spend a weekend with my hunny on the beach this summer. We really needed the time together just the two of us. And every bit of it was paid for by his boss.. we didn't have to spend a penny.. and sean got paid for doing it.. lol so ya cant beat it right? =)

I've been to Mississippi now.. can add that to my list of states. =) Had a perfectly awesome weekend, best birthday ever.. lol

Came home to kinda a mess but after I got it all cleaned up i wasn't angry about it anymore.. lol but it wasn't mik that made it, it was the adults in the house.. lol and then left it... grrr.. but like i said, i'm over it now.. hehe =)

Mik lost a tooth while we were gone. she's got two missing in the front now.. hehe it's too cute. and school starts in 7 days. Her birthday is in 5 days. she's gonna be 8. My kid's gonna be 8.... man I'm old.. lol I love her age right now tho, I think this is the perfect age.. =)

Happy Birthday To Me. =)

2010-08-07T11:16:00.000-07:00

I'm good and 31 now. lmao

Sean got all our friends to come over last night to celebrate my birthday.. and to be part of his show on friday night, Fuck You Joker Friday. =) and OMG what fun... hehe Between the like 8 cases of beer, and quite a bit of *other* things, we was all fubar.. lol and it was GREAT. I got to see a couple people I haven't seen in forever... Mike came over, which made me happier than anything else, I haven't seen Mike in well over a year, and last time I seen him I was at work and only had like 5 minutes to talk to him, so to be able to actually hang out and get fucked up together was awesome... like old times. ;) all I was missing was my Andy... YOU SO NEED TO COME VISIT ANDY... Even Mike's excited about the possibility. =)
Brent and his boyfriend Chris showed up too, it always makes my night when i get to see them... I'm so happy Brent found Chris, he's such an awesome person, and they always seem so happy. I love it.
Let's see, I'm not sure I can even remember who all was here.. lol

Me, Sean, Nick, Kevin, Pam, Turtle, Shanda, Frogg, Tim, Mikey, Brent and Chris, RichieRich (he's a 502 comedian, Sean knows him from the Haunted House also but Sean invited him out to promote his stand up on air), Bernie and Belynda (although I'm almost positive now that belynda just doesn't like us) This would be the 2nd time she's been over lately and literally didn't leave the couch.. opened her laptop and sat there ALL night not talking or nothing... lol whatever. He asked Sean to be his best man last night, which is funny to me.... I don't get to be in their wedding. Again, I think she just doesn't like me.

I think that's everyone.. lol there could be one or two I forgot to mention.. lol But anyway, Seans show went great, had about 8000 listeners, which always makes my hunny happy. I'm glad his show is as successful as it is, he's really good at the dj thing. =)

God I had such a good time last night.. lol Got a bit of a hangover today.. haha little headache... but man it was worth it. =) =) Everyone cleared out around 3 and Sean and I decided to go for a walk around our neighborhood.. walked for about 2 hours.. lol just wandering in the middle of the night hehe, violated the train tracks up the street... hehe all in all it was a fantastic night. Thank you to everyone who came out and Thank you to Sean.. I love you. =)

pre teen strippers?

2010-08-05T12:18:00.000-07:00

So this is the video of Miley Cyrus at the Teen Choice Awards that everyone flipped out about. I Just got an email from a friend of mine who said I "Just had to see this" . Just had to see what? lol people are so stupid. My kid LOVES Miley Cyrus (Hannah Montana) and sooooo many people are saying she pole danced in this video.... Ok, yeah theres a pole.. and yeah she put her hand on it and kinda dipped a little, but c'mon... really? I've been to many a strip club in my life... this bitch hardly pole danced... hell she hardly danced period, she had to sing.. lol it's hard to sing and pole dance at the same time... but still... this girl is growing up and she's very pretty and she's in the spotlight most the time... she's gonna try and be sexy and appeal to the male portion of her fans at some point.. it's a natural thing.. leave her the fuck alone you stupid paraniod parents.. I guarentee you're precious little girls aren't gonna wanna be strippers because hannah brought a pole on stage.. lighten the fuck up. lol

Things I Did Last Night

2010-07-31T20:49:00.000-07:00

ThingsIDidLastNight.com click it. hehe

Jokers Dark Carnival is BACK!!

2010-07-30T16:47:00.000-07:00

Sean found a new radio station. Radiovenom.org It's a really kickass station so far too. The shows are broadcasted in certain stores in like Jersey or something,I'm not positive.. lol he knows all the specifics better, but it has a real time counter with thebroadcasting program so you can see for yourself how many people are listening at that moment, which is something none of the other stations have had so thats awesome. =) His shows are 930 friday nights...Starting tonight.... radiovenom.org click on the radiostation tab, then click radiovenom stream and it should open and play.. u can join the chat from the main page too and if you like it, you can join the site as a member. It's free,, but u can listen and chat without joining too.

He's really trying to get a high number of listeners tonight tho, so at least check it out if you're just sitting there on your computer anyway.. u dont have to chat or pay attention to anything, just click the link and let it play while u work. I guarentee you will be entertained. It's me and Sean (Joker) all night long... lol =)

This is his first show back in a year. He stopped doing shows when the station he previously worked for went under, and he has really missed it. He's a great Dj, like i said, I guarentee you will enjoy the show.. so check it out if u can. =)

Miss my momma

2010-07-28T19:11:00.000-07:00

So i noticed a pattern.... lol I use my poor blog to bitch... seems to be all I do anymore... so let me re phrase that last post...

Family isn't shit to me anymore except a bunch of people that try to hurt your feelings.

At dinner the other night at Seans moms house, her and I were talking about Mikaylas size (shes a big kid) and i said... she sure didn't get her size from me or sean.... and his mom chimes in with.... she must get that from your mom.

My mom was a bigger lady, she was 190 pounds when she died and just barely 5 foot, so she was a good sized woman... BUT, mom's fat came from eating wrong and not exercising.. Mikaylas is genetic... and it sure didn't come from mom.. MY genetics came from her, and I'm fucking tiny.... So what she basically said was, your kids big and your mom was big, thats where it came from...

BUT, in reality.... she is built just like the Durkins... she's got hair from her neck to her ass like they do, and her body looks like theirs does... she's gonna be a "thick" girl i'd say... Not fat exactly but not skinny or thin by any means either... Seans sister blew up for awhile... she has lost (most) of it now but it's cause she worked to lose it.... but genetically she's meant to be a bigger girl, she just wasnt happy with her size and did something to correct it... And his mom isn't thin either....

i'm not sure why I care so much.. but just thinking about his sisters comment on his facebook and then his moms comment about my kid... it just hurts my feelings a little.

Told Sean tonight that I really miss my mom.. she was always on my side, she always took up for me and she wouldn't let anyone talk to or treat me like that without letting them know just how wrong they were. and without her, I'm the only one who defends me against family....

Just feels kinda lonely... and everyone thinks I'm this huge bitch because I open my mouth when I feel like someones done me wrong, or my kid or my husband... I'm just always quick to open my mouth if need be.... I just kinda wish Sean would back me up when it comes to family.

We stopped going to anything having to do with my family because of the things that get said to and about us by them.. I'm tired of fighting with them, it's always stupid petty and unnecessary, so we just don't go anymore... and since then, the only arguments I've gotten into with any of them was when we stayed there and painted the god damned walls the wrong way...

But I told him today that I'm finished with his family gatherings too. Neither of us go to mine, and I'm not going to go to his anymore either.... You only get one chance to say something negative about my momma, and that one chance has been spent now. had it not been a celebration for his brother I'd have said what i thought right then but I kept my mouth shut for everyone elses sake... But it really did hurt my feelings.

And what I read that shannon said hurt my feelings too because when sean and I got back together I had to sit and listen to his friggin sister say about the same thing his mother said about being a close family and blah blah yet when I'm not around they sure can run their mouths... and thats ok. But let me say something and omg. thats being a hypocrit.

Just know this... I sat and let you say what you needed to say to me, BUT, it was only because Sean asked me to so that we could keep the peace while we had to live there... You didn't make any points, U didn't "put me in my place" and you sure aren't fooling anyone either. I know how everyone really feels about me. Thanks guys.

Fuck you very much. ;)

2010-07-28T18:29:00.000-07:00

Was lookin back like a year ago at facebook updates on seans profile cuz i was tryin to find a picture someone had posted back in like may of 09 and I came across an update where Sean was planning to go to Florida with his girlfriend to get *our* stuff from storage.. (he never went lol) but his sister had left a comment that said "I'm so glad you're finally going to get YOUR stuff" and man it hit me the wrong way...

When we were staying with Linda, I had to endure her stupid "we're a close knit family" speech and listen to how much they all loved me and blah blah puke whatever... well, then I see this.... and you know what? haha fuck you.

EVERYTHING in that storage is all things that Sean and I got TOGETHER... if ya wanna get technical theres a lot of things there that were mine before I even met him... but still, it's all *OURS* not *HIS* so stuff your oh robyn we love you and want to be family crap... you sure seemed happy when i wasn't in the picture...

lol, 2 faced.... thats all that is... not that I expect any less but still.. its funny to finally have proof of it.. haha All those people have been right all along.. lol

Facebookedness

2010-07-21T16:47:00.000-07:00

I'm so hopelessly addicted to Facebook and I love them saying things they pop up and you can click like on.... anyway.. seen one the other day and i LOVED it.. I soo want a bumper sticker that says it... "Going to Church every Sunday doesn't make you a Christian any more than Standing in a Garage makes you a car" OMG I luved it... lol

and then today I'm hobbling home from the store up the street and I seen the bumper sticker my neighbor has on her car and it said "Nature is my Church" I want that sticker too... lol

So we are all moved in now.. got everything here, including my fuzzy babies.. yaaaaay!!! =) it's a pretty small apt but it works, and it's ours and we can afford it... lol so hopefully we can get everything else in order now.

I'm almost done bitching i think... lol

2010-07-18T14:45:00.000-07:00

my mom took more care of you than anyone else did... if anyone is your mother it's her.. your mom was a piece of shit. shows alot about you that you didnt even mention her.

and

was told today..."he doesnt like or trust you because you smoke pot" now the "he" in mention stopped me the other day and said "i got these pills i need to get rid of to buy some food for my kids" And of course I'm not helping him sell no fucking pills.. im not quite like that but still.. how you gonna say your kid cant come hang out with me cause i occasionally smoke pot but yet you can buy her dinner with some drug money??? that makes a bunch of sense...

lol I hate people.

have u noticed that? hehe

On a brighter note.. we have everything.... but the cats, at our new apt.... and the cats come home tonight... yaaaaaaaaay. I gets my babies tonight hehe... but yep its all here now... I'm so happy... hehe

2010-07-18T00:52:00.000-07:00

I laid in a field one day just looking at the clouds.
The different shapes amazed me as the sun was slowly shroud
It made me think of how things go, how this life can make us feel.
the happiness that can leave so fast and then reappear again, it's unreal.
I've said that it's unfair to us, to take us up then down that fast
But the unfairness actually lies in not every getting that chance.
That "nothing happens without reason" thing is bout the truest thing you'll ever learn
And that attitude works most the time, but then you get burned

fuck a hater.

2010-07-17T22:35:00.001-07:00

And this is also for the *you don't keep it clean enough* comment I got too.... fuck yout oo.... compare my folded clothes and occasional empty can or cup to these pictures.... then sit back and FEEL REAL DUMB. I scraped 3 inches of 14 dogs feces off the floor.... THEN helped re drywall and paint it al by ourselves to fix shit he;d damaged YEARS ago...... yet he sure wasnt there to help was he? no I was... like I always am............. yet I'm the bad guy..... yeah explain that to your higher power one day.

In case anyone reads my second post down where I'm real good and bitching about how my *family* treats me..... and then wants to say something, or tell me I'm wrong or question a god damned thing... I figured I'd re-post these pictures to refresh your small minds..... THIS IS GRANDMAS BASEMENT WHEN BRIAN LIVED DOWN THERE....... and why does it NOT look like that anymore? Because of me.... strictly me... not you, not you, not you and most god damned definitly not you... not any one of you... not a single one.... not one fucking supportive let me help my aging grandmother statement came out there mouths.. nope, it was all bitch bitch give her a hard time whine moan and do absolutly nothing else.... who helped? the same person who ALWAYS helps.... ME... yeah read that twice so you fucking get it..... ME...... ME. understand it now? yeah that was me......

it wouldn't have happened without me either. cause he sure wasn't going to do it, hell hed have let his dogs rot die and starve down there is not for who? oh yeah, ME again....

so fuck you who thinks I do nothing to help..... fuck you whole heartedly.... and right click and save these pictures too.. so that next time you want to run your god damned mouth about robyn.... you have some nice refreshing pictures to remind you just what exactly I ALONE do for our grandmother........

=)

2010-07-14T14:46:00.000-07:00

man that feels better

2010-07-14T14:14:00.000-07:00

We got an apartment!!! =) We looked at a house also and we could have gotten it too but we chose the apartment. We were trying really hard to keep Mikayla in her school.. she loves it there and is established and has friends and whatnot there so we were trying to be able to let her stay if possible. And where the apartment is at she doesnt even have to change her bus stop. This one is the same price the house was and everythings included here too, so that makes a diference also, but it's pretty small in comparrison to the house. Oh well... the pros outweigh the cons.... BIGGEST thing I don't like about the apt tho is that there is no tub, it's a shower only.. and i love a bath sometimes... but I'll get around that... lol I'll like borrow friends tubs... hahahaha

We moved in today... well, I say we... I along with help from friends moved us in today.. Sean had to work... took him to work at 930am like always (not usually saturdays tho) and it's not 1219am and he STILL isn't off work yet... WTFucking F????? They got done around 11pm and headed home (they were in lexington) and they about got to Louisville and his boss realizes he left his cell phone so what's he do?? TURNS around!!! Takes all of them all the way back to lexington to get his stupid phone.... like whats he really need it at fucking midnight for anyway? get the damned thing tomorrow... let your fucking employees go home already.... so yeah, i'm just laying here on the floor of our new place waiting on him to get home and see it.

Have some issues with this place, but I'm trying to control them myself.... if I can't I'll ask for advice.. lol but I think I can get it under control.. last tenant was nasty nasty nasty dirty and because of that there are bugs and mice..... BUT, I cleaned like a mother fucker today and have sprayed and put out traps and all that... dont plan to bring any real food in here for least a week... I got rid of the mice at my grandmas, I'm sure I can kill the bastards here too.. lol plus I bring my cats home tomorrow too.. so they will help for sure. ;)

I still think it's crap that we had to do all this to begin with... but what the fuck ever.. anytime i tell the story to someone they all say well she's old robyn... and yep she's old they're right about that.. but she still had no reason to be toward me like she was being there for a couple weeks, Jim tried to make me feel like I provoked it but his ass was in the basement the whole time and doesn't know jack about jack to be giving any opinions in the first fucking place.. everyone thats been around has seen her be bitchy to me for almost a month for no good reason. And it pisses me off to have it ONCE AGAIN turned around to look like I started it. I know what it is.... I'm always quick to let you know when you've pissed me off and everyone in my family has been on that receiving side before so they all think I'm just this horrible bitchy person BUT, I'm only like that when I need to be. Normally I'm very loveable... I have to like beat people off me I'm so loveable....

But, point being... I didn't start this... she started off mad over the fucking paint in the basement that we "fixed".... (its not any different than it was before but we put another coat on the whole place just cause we were asked to, but it was the same shit the 3rd coat was done with... how do i know this?? because we are literally the only ones who touched a brush and painted anything) so anyway, she was mad over that initially then jim tried to throw the "you dont keep things clean enough" speech at me... like ok, I have time to do absolutly everything your mother and brother needs, cook and clean for them, wash their clothes, have time with my kid and husband and everything else.. then keep a 10 by 10 box that 3 people live in clean.... my fucking bad dude... he said *we've been keeping an eye on you* realllly? that's so comforting..... I'm 30 fucking years old and i PAY RENT for my 10 by 10 box... leave me the hell alone... then it became... "the 3 of you are too much for her, you all stress her out and her health is my #1 concern" He said that about 4 times.. "her health is my #1 concern" yeah thats why i take her to all her doctors appointments and pick up her prescriptions and make sure she knows what each one is and does... because I obviously don't give a fuck.. specially when compared to his level of caring.

it's shit like that that make me so mad.... I do absolutly literally anything she asks me to do for her... anything... and yeah... anything.... I've come over at 2 am to clean her shitpot when she couldnt make it to the bathroom and ended up having to go in a garbage can or elsewhere... because I'm like that... I love her and I will do anything I can for her... but I make one stupid mistake like use the wrong god damned paint and I'm satan incarnate... fuck that.. I don't have to be treated that way by anyone.. I have never.... repeat that... NEVER met ANYONE who is better than i am. WHY? because everyone is equal..... aren't you christians supposed to believe that anyway? fucking hypocrits. I don't even believe in that mumbo jumbo yet I follow that everyone is equal statement... so take your opinions of me and blow them out your tight puckered little assholes. I'm a great person.... and I deserve some sort of appreciation for the shit I do. Bottom line. agree or not but it's a fact.

still no job or no home but hey it's been a good week =)

2010-07-10T21:27:00.000-07:00

Had a pretty good past couple days... Our trip to court the other day went great... well, as well as a court date can go i suppose.. lol Sean ended up with the least possible scenario there could have been... which made me happy.. lol We still have to go back once more but it's just to seal everything but it's not a big deal for that one. I'm sooo relieved tho, had me kinda flippin out a little.. lol

He had taken that day off work and we got out much faster than we expected to and he could have gone back to work but he really just needed a good day out instead so him and I took Mickey up to Kentucky Down Under and thru Mammoth Onyx Cave. Was the first time shed ever been on a cave tour.. her and I have gone thru the cave in the cemetary up the road but it's nowhere near the same thing as this... the guide explained to her how far we were underground and she was amazed that we were the length of 4 school buses underneath the ground. It was fun, she loved it. Ky Down Under is like an australian and exotic animal zoo. There is maybe 30 exhibits total but it's still really neat. Me and Mik got t opet a kangaroo.. I have to download a picture resizer but then I'll post some pics from it. =)

We all went and got root beer floats one night also... we've just had fun spending time with our kiddo this week, it's been nice. Tonight she asked to stay with a friend so she's gone there tonight... it's strange when your child gets to the age that they start wanting to stay somewhere else... instead of you having to talk someone into keeping them overnight, they are practically begging you to stay at so and sos house... lol I remember being that age tho.. although I was the kid who everyone wanted to stay ats house instead of me going over there... lol I always had someone overnight. I'm equal tho, I'll keep anyones child that needs it and Id on't charge a dime.. lol I just enjoy keeping other peoples kids and I also enjoy my daughter being entertained and me getting to rest a second.. lol

I wanted to make dinner tonight... haven't gotten to cook for anyone lately and I don't wanna cook at my grandmas anymore... Harolds so god damned picky for one thing and Grandma would probably find something to bitch at me about if I cooked anyway so it's just not worth it... so I went and bought all i needed, called some friends and rallied at our rendevous point and i made dinner for us. =) Bernie, Belynda, Nick, Sean, and Mickey... Kevin was invited too but never showed, but theres plenty leftover so he'll get some of it eventually.. lol Made Meatloaf, Macaroni, Mashed Taters, and Pasta Salad... Yep it's a shit ton of starches but it's all my favorites and I really wanted them lol... had green beans too... but it was nummy... made me happy. =)

Then we all went to the Clark county fair.. lol it's in bum fuked indiana but seans work rented them signs for it and sean has been there all day programming them and he discovered they had a hawaiian shaved ice hut in their little fair and I've been sooooo wanting a hawaiian shaved ice lately.. lol so we drove all the way there for me to get my icee hehe... he loves me. =) So do my friends.. hehe But it was fun still.. a fairs a fair. Bernie got to see Sheep so it was a good night.. lol

Now it's almost 1 lol but we have no kid so I think Sean and I are gonna go wandering up Frankfort Ave and see what it has to offer on a saturday night. =)

LUVS

the good the bad and the freaky

2010-07-09T18:41:00.000-07:00

I got a new cell phone today.. i think this is like my 435th one in my lifetime.. lol I break em bout as soon as i get em i think. lol Hopefully this one will last a few months at least. hehe It's just a cheap prepaid 20 dollar phone but it's actually kinda neat. It's got a camera, speakerphone, internet, caller id and the front display thing... i likes it. =)

I also have my hands on a camera now too... awwww yeah, so expect the pics to come back. =) I de virused my poor computer too yesterday.. it's all healthy and clean again, it was on the verge of a meltdown.. lol couldnt get on the net for nuthin.. it was pissing me off. lol

Got some good news on the renting a place issue.... i dont really wanna say a whole lot cause i dont want many people knowing how its going or whatever... And really it's not that i care if they know it, I just care if the people they would tell know it.. I think it's pretty shitty that I was talked out of getting another job, and lead to believe i was moving in then 3 days after i officially let my apartment go, i get told i cant live there now and i had to actually ask permission to stay til the 31st of the month so id have time to get a job and a place.... thats what gets me. If I was told, I don't think this is gonna work like I thought it would, but I'll give you a couple months to find you something decent and save a little money because I realize you lost the place you were staying based on my word....then I'd be alright with it... but the way it was done, it's like you have less than 30 days to find a job, get paid enough to save enough to rent another place to live.... now typically a palce of employment holds your first check for 2 weeks anyway, so I'd not even get paid but once in that 30 days.. and it more than likely wouldnt be a full check either... and to rent somewhere around here you have to pay first months rent which is at least 500 and also an additional months rent for a deposit.... thats 1000 dollars... in 30 days... yep thats totally reasonable. yay family.

The job part I haven't figured out yet but I've put in alllll kinds of applications, gonna put in a couple more when I'm done with this.. hehe and Seans bosses let me do little here and there work for them like cleaning their offices and whatnot.. so thats a little income i have but it's nothing impressive lol. BUT, a friend of mine wrote me today and told me about ahouse a friend of hers dads owns and how he hasnt put it up for rent yet because he wants to take his time and find someone who he wont have to chase down for rent every month and for people who will help to maintain the house instead of calling him over little dumb shit all the time... and we are exactly like that.. lol I might be late on most all my bills but I always pay rent on time.. lol So we get to go see the inside of it tomorrow.. we looked at the outside today and liked it.. the neighborhoods not the best in town but it's not the worst either and where the house is isn't really bad at all.. it's just one of those don't hang out at night at the very end of the street type things... lol but been there done that before... you can't be too picky when your grandma kicks you and your family out and doesnt even give you a full month to save for something better.... and he's not charging me a deposit if we take it either since it still needs a few things fixed but I'm game... whatever gets me out of a place where I'm not wanted works for me.

BUT, I don't forsee me bending over backwards anymore.... less it's for Sean and we're getting freaky... other than that.... yeah, no.

More recycled HNT's.

2010-07-07T18:51:00.000-07:00

I recently came across the opportunity to take pics but it was someone elses camera so I don't wanna put any good ones on it.. lol so I just recycled some (again) I don't like not participating.. hehe So next week i'll have new ones.. I promise promise.. lol

These first two are from my 29th birthday party my luv threw for me at Deenas

This one is from Halloween, um, let's see... this was our house in Fern Creek, and Mik was like a year old so 03 I guess... 04 maybe.... lol Idk for sure. But yeah, I was a kitty. =)

So again, sorry for re-using old pictures... lol but I don't really change that much anyway.. I look the same.. haha

HHNT!!!! =)

2010-06-30T16:19:00.000-07:00

I am so pissed off about this bear situation at the gorge.

A man was attacked by a black bear at Red River Gorge..... and they've shut down the gorge til they catch and kill it....

Why kill it? I mean really... it bit a guys leg cause he had a fucking stick in his hand and his iphone in the other snapping pictures of it.... maybe it didnt want its picture taken.... well i mean obviously it didn't want its picture taken huh? hahahaa

But my point is this.... Your a god damned idiot if you go camping in a National Rustic Forest, and expect not to encounter wildlife... I m ean really.. they don't hunt down and kill sharks that bite people... why? Because them fucktards should know to watch for sharks... AND it's a risk u take when you hop your ass in the ocean.... DUH.... There are areas designated specifically for humans... it's called the city and your fucking house.... but when you put yourself into an animals territory your running a risk of an encounter with said animal... thats just how nature works...

I think it's retarded... I think the man is at fault, not the fucking bear.... people can be so stupid sometimes.

shut the fuck up already.

2010-06-30T09:02:00.000-07:00

Ok, so the past week I've had to defend my beliefs over and over and over again... but let me say this... I don't question you when you say you love Jesus and Believe in God and all that jazz... because why? Because I don't fucking care... and it's not my fucking business... believe what you want to believe.. whatever makes you happy and life good is awesome.. believe your little hearts out.. BUT, when I tell you I don't believe in him then don't question me or look at me like I just farted.... leave me the fuck alone. lol I don't have to share your beliefs to be a good person, I don't need some made up being to help me live a good life... and I don't need your god damned hypocritical nonsense opinion about it either... YOU asked ME... I didn't just come up to you and be like hey guess what I don't believe in????? Don't ask questions that you don't really want the answers to.... Your belief in god doesn't make you any better of aperson than i am. DEAL WITH IT.... lol And leave me alone. Please. For fucks sake... Please!

2010-06-26T18:39:00.000-07:00

Got asked by Seans boss if i would help run a Firework Store in Austin Indiana for them this year and of course I said I would.. lol So I've been working that from like 930 in the mornin til 8 or later at night... and it's not air conditioned in the building.. lol so I'm HOT all day... worn the fuck out I am... lol

But I'm enjoying working there, it's right up my alley and it's Indiana shit, not Ky shit so it's all the good stuff...hehe never gotten to (legally) sell the good stuff before. ;) Got to bring home some things tonight too... I have a 140 shot Cyber Candle... it's a roman candle u have to stick in the ground and it fires off 140 shots... it oughta be pretty f'n neat.. hehe Mik and Sean are out there burning them stupid snake things right now.. lol she loves the cheesy shit...

Had a really close friend of mine get really mad at me yesterday and even went so far as to say "I might lose her over this"....... that kinda dampered my day a little.. and I guess if I try to see it from a different perspective it's actually my fault... I asked that person to be a part of something that i wanted to share with them and a few others and they dont want to be part of it and i guess really doesnt me to either.... i can dig that... but theres a lot more to it, and it just hurt my feelings that someone i thought was truer than true to me made the statement that they would just walk away from me over this..... I told another friend of mine last night that I only want true friends, and by true, I mean that no matter WHAT i decided in life, your going to be there for me thru it... if I have to worry about you just bailing on me cause u disagree with my decision than thats not true... I give 150%to my friends and I expect the same... anyone not willing to give it back to me isn't really what I thought they were then.

We talked tho and worked it out.. and we are perfectly fine now... which relieves me.... but thats about all I'm gonna be able to say for now cause my laptop has 9 minutes of power left... lol

so I'll say tata. I stole more old pics from my photobucket tho so thursday I'll have something to post.. hehe not a new one, but it still works.. lol

mwah

good stuff go boom!

2010-06-22T19:45:00.000-07:00

Seans boss owns a firework store and he asked me to help run it this year.. I'm so excited.. lol I'm very ready to work for a bit, and to get away from this house and all the lets get mad at robyn nonsense that happens always. My grandma raised her hand like she was going to hit me the other day... over some paint on the walls of the basement. She swore they were painted witht he wrong paint because my uncle told her we did it wrong.. and whatever said uncle says to her is like gods word.... but the situation as it really happend was this.... YES, we did use the wrong paint..... for the FIRST coat... I give you that, yes wrong paint for first coat... BUT, we used the RIGHT paint for the second coat. and the second coat is the one that matters right? I mean I'm pretty sure when I check out someones painting job, I don't scrape off a layer to see how it looks 2 layers down....

And on top of that nonsense, the 4th friggin coat we finally put on it just to appease all and let everyone think we are wrong like always... but it looks the EXACT same as it did. I can still rub my knuckle down it and my fingers white.... so the real paint isn't any better than what we did the first coat with..... it's just stupid.. and all I was trying to do was tell grandma that fine Iw ould go paint it Again. and she pulled her hand back like she was going to backhand me......

so yeah.... feelings a little hurt, but i should be used to it right? I do and do and do... I do absolutly everything I can for everyone but myself for as long as the hours of the day allows..... and then when its time for appreciation, it's nowhere to be found..... yay me.

But fuck all that... it's a new day and I figured out a way to get me some work instead of hover around grandmas til someone says hey robyn do this...... Yep... Seans boss asked me to help run his firework store in austin indiana. I ride with the other guy i work with everyday and we work open til close til the 4th... I'm so friggin excited... We went and wore my little ass out getting the store unpacked and stocked real neatly.... omg some of that shits heavy too.. lol but I'm STOKED that I get to sell indian fireworks this year... up to this point, the 8 times I've sold fireworks (in those tents you see everywhere) have been in KY where our firework laws teeter on elementary level shit.... omg they suck if it goes in the air or says boom too loud we can't have it, and they will get you for having them...... so yay to selling the good big BOOOOOOM stuff this year.. hehe and I get to do em for free... hehe yay again. lol

tired.... lol worked my little ass off today.. think I'm gonna hand the laptop over to my love so he can blow up innocent animals on his wild ones game that he's newly addicted to... lol

Luvs.

did I mention this is stupid?

2010-06-17T18:08:00.000-07:00

I subscribe to NORML NEWS and get the email newsletter every week.... well this weeks said a couple things that just strikes me funny.

1. Medical marijuana is now LEGAL in Colorado. I got a buddy in Denver.. might hafta move in with him.. lol

but 2. in Cali, for an adult, if you possess 28.5 grams or less of weed than it's not even a misdemenor.. it's called an "infraction" and they can't fine you anymore than 100 bucks plus court fees for it... it's not an arrestable offence in Cali anymore...

BUT, in KY, your second paraphenelia charge is a felony... a fucking FELONY.... this is insane to me......

I think laws should be laws... regardless of what fucking state you live in... how is it less illegal to smoke pot in california than in kentucky? that's so stupid.... shows just how ignorant our government is.

and whats even more stupid is that paraphenlia (i know i keep spelling that wrong lol) but par. is just like papers or a pipe or bong or something.. it's not even the actual drug and having rolling papers on you more than once is considered a FELONY in my state.... fucking stupid... stupid stupid stupid.

hnt borrowed

2010-06-17T10:18:00.000-07:00

i think its wrong that i think this is funny.... i think.

2010-06-15T19:34:00.000-07:00

Sittin on the porch with a friend and my hun.. Supposed to have like wicked storms come thru our area and all we got was rain.... lots of rain....for like 15 minutes..then it went away.. lol

And in other news.,.......

It appears God has sacrificed his only son. Again.

hahahahahaa omg i cant believe the WASHINGTON POST worded it like this...... I fucking love it...

In case you didn't hear bout this,...

theres this 6 foot fucking tall statue of jesus and his hands all upreaching up in ohio somewhere.... it
s pretty ridiculous looking... tiny little churchand this HUGE statue in its yard.... silly.. that was tithing money well spent right? lmao anyway.... it got hit by lightning and caught fire..... heres the link http://www.mercurynews.com/news/ci_15304289?source=rss

it's the little things

2010-06-14T17:47:00.000-07:00

Theres this kid that lives down the street from my grandmas house... he's always ben known as the theif of the neighborhood... he's stolen from my grandmas yard a few times... and me being me have always called him out on it and he'll try to act all hard or whatever but then backs down like the pussy he is.... and as you would imagine I make it known that he's a worthless little theif.. like if anyone ever like "you know charlie down the street" I'm like yeah that theiving little bastard I know that bitch why?" so that absolutly everyone I encounter knows exxactly how he is....... well....

This morning he popped off with something smart to a buddy of mine... and we're all just tired of dealing with him anyway, but then he hops on his bike and take off, well I happen to be walking to the store and little bitch boy passes me on his bike, stops and says to me... I got me a bat with all 3 of your names on it, just know that.... so i went on to the store and on my way back detoured to his fucking house... I was ready to see him use this bat on me and he's sitting on his little porch with his bat and I walk right up to him and he goes inside to get his mama...

Well I don't guess he realizes that his mama likes me pretty well so I'm all tellin her what he just said to me and all that and shes all get back in the fucking house and apologize to her, you don't talk that way to girls.. madder than a mother fucker at him.... (haha I got him in trouble) but anyway, I looked at his mama and serious as can be told her.. you better learn him to keep his mouth shut cause runnin it like that me, he won't come back to you one night.... Between my husband and the friends i have, I'm not scared of a soul... there isn't a persn out there who could harm me..... the ones who love me wouldn't ,let it happen.

I told Sean I don't understand whats so special about me but my friends love me.. I guess it's cause I'm trustworthy and thats rare to find anymore... but yeah the few that are real... are the best I've ever known and I'm a very lucky blessed person to have each and every one of them.
*One of the factors to me quitting my job was because after joe told that chic he was going to "smack the shit out of me" and I told sean and then sean told a few choice people... it was either quit or never let a single of my friends (or my husband) near that store again. I've had countless numbers of people tell me "I've known him for years but if he ever even threatens you again I'll be sure it's dealt with" and these are people that I met thru work that have known him for years.... but every one of them also will tell you that they know how he is and have just accepted that he's a dick... lol

I don't even care about that situation anymore though... I don't need anyone to take care of that, if i ever encountered hima nd he had one thing to say to me, I know enoughto bring him to his knees..... and I wouldn't even need skeletons anyway.....theres enough in your face things to bring him to his knees with... AND (not that i think he would at all because regardless of beiing a dick, he wouldn't hit a chic i don't think) but IF he did hit me..... I could handle that as well.... I can 100% confidently say that I could bring home a tooth or two for a prize against him... lol

But enough of that..... back to my original story...

My friend who he ran it to originally is like out for blood I'ma kill you typs person once he's pissed off and he was highly pissed off.. like he hovered around my house outside most the day just hoping he'd show up outside somewhere... Well, he came out once.. spotted my friend and bolted down the alley real quick....

well apparently while my other friend was out walking home he "found" little asshole down the street a couple streets down and ran up on him and let him know that he had a chance here....he could man up and appologize to me or he could get the dog shit beat out of him right then and there.... he agreed to appologize.

(I had NO IDEA about that part i just wrote k..k)

Well, me sean and mik are leaving to go feed the cats and asshole down the streets sitting outside and i could hear him yelling something at me.... which automatically kinda started pissing me off... so I hollered back.. hang on i cant hear you and walked my tiny little ass out to the street, instructed my child to stay in the yard regardless of anything and walked straight up to him expecting him to run his mouth... and instead he looked at me and said.... "I ran into your friend and we had a nice talk and him and i agreed that i owe you an apology" it was so fucking satisfiying how sincere he looked about it.... and scared out of his mind...... but me being me I couldnt be all sweet about it, i just said... good I deserved that. smiled and walked back to my yard and him to his...

hahahahahahaha but it was awesome.... I know to some of you it sounds just terrible but I think it's awesome........

Got to spend some time with my love yesterday..... we went flea marketing.. got a couple new nose and eyebrow rings.. i like the eyebrow ring, not sure about the nose one I'm using tho... gonna change it and see if i like the other one better.

Get to start painting in 2 days.... and get to work in a firework store during 4thof July season.... I love sellin fireworks, I'm excited. =) Not sure if I'ma take Mik with me or find someone to keep her but either way I'm workin.. hehe

ugh

2010-06-10T15:12:00.000-07:00

Know any good cheap lawyers in the Louisville Ky area? lol gonna need one me thinks.

what a day sheesh

2010-06-09T10:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one of those days..... one of those days where it's a good thing that A.I'm not suicidal.... and B. I don't own a gun. (although the cop thought I might be able to take him out from atop the house or something, but we'll talk about that later)

I spent the day taking my grandma and uncle and daughter to Lowes and Sams to look at some tile for the basement and check out this stupid waste of money chair for my uncle... what should have took maybe 2 hours max took 5. and OMG my Uncle is so picky and just stuck in what he wants and to put a hungry bored 7 year old and my grandma on top of it I was ready to pull my hair out by the time we made it home.... then I had t oimmediatly leave to go get Sean from work.... Get home and relax a little...... then a friend of mine calls and asks me if I would run him to the ATM up the street, I didn't feel like it so I let my other friend who was here take the car to go take him....

Well, our car is kinda disabled (but we are used to her.. apparently my friend isn't.... well wasn't.. lol bet he remembers it next time he drives it) but anyway.... the left turn signal works... but it doesn't click itself off after yout urn so you have to remember to switch it off.. So my 2 friends go to the ATM and like a good boy he uses his turn signal to turn out.... but fails to turn it back off... and on top of that the passenger wasn't wearing his seat belt. but they get pulled over..... and cops being the dicks that cops are.. (yeah I said it... everyone of you non-protecting tax money wasting pieces of shit can kiss my ass lol) but anyway.... he asked to search my car... and my friend told him sure knock yourself out... (not like you can really tell them no anyway) but he asks for the registration and insurance and all that and of course it's my car so it's not in my friend who's drivings name and my friend who's driving has spent 5 years in the pen for GTA in the past... lol so cops like who's car ya got here? and he told him my buddy seans... well wheres sean live so he tells him... well the cops proceed to come TO MY GRANDMAS house to question us......... it was a big stupid situation that they barely got to ticket us on anything anyway but we still have court in July over it now.....

This of course isn't the whole story because theres a few extended family members who like to read what I write, then take it and make it into like a pile on their floor, roll around in it for a little while then go talk shit to everyone they come in contact with about us.... so I'll just let you "nosy noras" wonder about the rest of the story and go ahead and make up an ending to it and start spreading it around cause you'll never find out the real ending... lol (I'm such a bitch aint i)

But if I like you (and I like most all the rest my readers) then email me (seannrobyn@gmail.com) and I'll send you the full story with every detail...... and then you'll understand why I say

FUCK A COP...... worthless doughnut eating wastes of a profession.

BUT like this wasn't enough to my day..... I go with another friend to do something that is pretty illegal but really not a big deal (we went into an abandoned building) and I apparently took longer than Sean was happy with so I got to deal with him being a dick the rest of the night.... fell asleep wondering if it's possible for me to do anything right in this fucking life...

This is how I finally fell asleep last night... (most people count sheep)

I just can't do anything right.. I just can't do anything right.. I just can't do anything right.... see a pattern forming? I sure the fuck do......

I'll say it again...... fuck a cop. i hope one of you three assholes happen across my blog...

No I can't get it.... lol

2010-06-08T07:40:00.000-07:00

I think I get to get my kitty's tonight. =) Misses my kitties.... they've been over at my apt by themselves for like 2 weeks now. I go every day and feed em and give em fresh water and love em for a bit but I can tell Zoe is pissed.. lol So hopefully they get walls put up downstairs today and I can go get my babies. =)

Got into this discussion with my grandma over Poision Ivy today... she was under the impression, like almost everyone is, that EVERYONE can get it..... but that's just not true... I can't. i've tried and still can't. I've had people not believe me so I've like picked it and rubbed it on my skin before and still nothing...... you have to be allergic to it in order for the rash to develop or whatever and I'm just not allergic to it... and neither is Sean and I don't think Mikayla is either. Sean has had it before but very mildly and it's been well over 12 years since he got it cause he wasn't with me at the time. I've been camping with people who have gotten it off of some of the wood we'd use for the fire but not me.. lol it's kinda weird but it's also kinda nice... for me anyway... haha I'm always th eone that gets sent into the woods tho looking for wood cause I can touch whatever....

I'm the only person I've ever met tho who has had Lyme Disease before tho.... got it from a tick that looked like a fucking freckle on th eback of my knee when I was 17. Went thru almost 7 months of antibiotics and treatments to get rid of it... leg turned like greenish purple.. it was ugly..... BUT, you can only get that once too.... so I've got all the camping illnesses covered... lol

Was gonna go camping this weekend back to the gorge with Bernie and his girly and another friend of ours but I don't think I wanna. I kinda wanna just stick around home and get our new place in order..... you know I'm tired if I'm turning down camping.... lol

Gonna go pick out tile and paint today for the new bathroom downstairs.... hopefully it's not like horribly hot today. Felt great yesterday!! =)

Kinda bored actually

2010-06-07T11:09:00.000-07:00

I've decided I'm gonna update my poor blog a lil. it's looked the same forever now and theres all kinds of options for them now so I might as well... I'll do it tonight or tomorrow sometime.

Didn't sleep to well last night.. I haven't taken my sleepy meds for over a week tho. I could tell last night tho.. drove me nuts.. I hate not sleeping.

Don't think we're doing anything to the basement today... Kevins here but I don't think theres anything I can help with anyway... he might be doin something but so far he hasn't requested I help.. lol so I think I'ma take Mik down to the park.. they turned the sprinkler on finally so she can play in the water. We walk down to the riverfront sometimes and play in the BIG water park but I don't wanna walk that far today...

I don't think I broke it cause it's not swollen or bruised or anything but my foot has hurt for days now... and it's worse every day so far. Theres no tellin what I did to it... been helpin carry stuff and tear stuff up so much this past week that theres no tellin... oh well.....

Going to the park now I suppose. ;)

sunday sunday

2010-06-06T07:48:00.000-07:00

Sean and I stayed up til like 3 last night downloading music. All the music he had on this thing was what he liked and none of my stuff so I had to fix that. =) Now it has mine too.. hehe

My uncle came over yesterday to put the air conditioner back in down in the basement and discoverd something is leaking down there.... so they get to figure that out monday I guess.. But on top of that, everytime you plug the stupid a/c in it blows the circuit that comtrols th elights in the upstairs bathroom... lol so we gotta figure that out too. stupid basement. lol

We also FINALLY tore down that stupid dog pen my cousin had built when he lived here... Grandma has an entire yard again... it's about time... For some reason I think she linda liked the stupid thing tho... everyone else thought it looked like crap and it really really opened her yard up to rip it down.... I got to do most the hammerin.. hehe I felt all manly again. =)
Figured I'd be more sore today but I'm not.

Goin campin next weekend... Yay!! With Bernie and Belynda and Hopefully Nick and someone else if he choses to bring someone else... he prolly won't go if he doesn't bring someone tho... he's weird like that.

My cats have been in my apt for a week by themselves now.. I go over everyday and feed ema nd give em fresh water and love on em a few but yesterday I could tell that they are starting to get mad at me or something.... I think they feel neglected. I don'[t blame them but I don't really know what else to do with them yet.... Only way to get out of my lease is to just let them evict us... and rent was due on the 4th so I'm kinda nervous they'll either enter my apt or change my locks on me.... I think they have to give me a 7 day notice first tho... Thats what I'm hoping for... in 7 days the basement should be finished at least enough to bring them over... I just don't really want to do it yet because for one the walls are barely even there downt here and for 2 the construction would just scare them anyway.

I feel so much better since I quit at Blimpies. I feel more broke lol but thats nothing new to me... we still have seans income and 600 less a month in bills so it pretty well evens out really. I feel kinda bad not working tho. I don't think it bothers Sean unless it does and he's not saying anything but it makes me feel kinda worthless although i've worked my ass off this week on the basement. It's hillarious to me tho cause like 7 people have asked me why I quit and I tell them.... cause of Joe and his final threat to hit me. and ALL of them are people that are also his friends but every single one of them has said if I say the word they'd take care of him for me.... hehe they don't realize the 10 people that offered that before they even knew about it tho.... that boy fucked up when he threatened me.... good thing (for him) that he didn't actually do it or he mighta had to learn to talk and eat toofless..... lol But I just think it's funny that all these people that he's thought all along just loved him to death really don't even like him...... that's what I've heard the most since I quit.... was that he was one of those people that you just kinda pretend to liike cause if not he'd get on your nerves so bad you couldn't stand it.... lol

My grandmas yard has so many critters... hehe between squirells, bunny's and lizards theres always something wanderin around...

And oh yeah... according to sean this laptop has a camera.... a pretty good one..... so once If igure it out I can take pics. =)

Boondox Boondox!!!!!!

2010-06-04T18:32:00.001-07:00

Whoop Whoop!!!!!

I get to go see Boondox Tuesday Night! =) I'm sure more than half of you all are like.... "Who??" But if u is a juggalo then you understand my excitement. hehe They are on the same label as ICP, whom I just got to see live like 3 weeks ago... and had omg fun.. hehe So if this concert matches that one then I can't freaking wait... And just in case there were any of you left out there who still couldn't decide if i was a weirdo or not.. I figured i'd go ahead and make that REAL apparant to ya and put the lyrics to my favorite Boondox song.. hehe I'm such a freak... I love this fucking song.. it's so hot.

The sins of the flesh
a fascination with death
while suffocating your breath
it's torture mixed in with sex
I wanna get you undressed
And lick the blood from your chest
And everything I request
I know be keeping you wet
My sado masochistic baby dressed in leather and lace
ya far from a fuckin lady but ya sweet to the taste
you love it when I tie ya down and put the gun in ya face
And every time we get together could be our final embrace
I'm on some other kinda level when I got you in bed
it's like ya fiendin for the semen when ya givin me head
the liquid pourin out ya veins stain these white sheets red
Eyes rollin back it's like ya one with the dead.
can't wait to see you
In that see through
Fuck until yo pussy bleed that's how we do
You wanna taste pain
And make the blood rain
Bustin nuts and bustin veins until you
scream my muthafuckin name.

[Chorus:]
She wants the kinky stuff
the likes it hard and rough
Another kinda love
(My little Freak Bitch)
she's really into pain
I'm really glad she came into my world
and I need (My little Freak Bitch)

She wants the kinky stuff
the likes it hard and rough
Another kinda love
(My little Freak Bitch)
she's really into pain
I'm really glad she came into my world
and I need (My little Freak Bitch)

It's like ya legs can't get along
cause they always separated
When I got you all alone this fuckin freak that I created
asficiation wit ya thong got you open and sedated,
hear the screams, an hear the moans
I know the neighbors really hate it
close the mutha fuckin shades cause we breakin the law,
slicin ya wrist cut ya throat while takin dick in ya jaw,
you whisper end my fuckin life right
when I'm dickin ya raw,
holdin ya breath close to the death
right in the thick of it all,
I know that you was what I needed in
that Tripp black miniskirt,
Hot Topic Shoppin, wit ya girls a lil fuckin flirt,
surprised by the fact that you was inta all kinds of dirt,
surprise in ya eyes when I made ya fuckin pussy squirt,
grab you by the dred locks put u in a head lock,
choke you till you twitchin baby jus
don't make the bed rock,
now you know what I got for that little
hot fox take ya to the limit
now you all about some boondox

[Chorus:]
She wants the kinky stuff
the likes it hard and rough
Another kinda love
(My little Freak Bitch)
she's really into pain
I'm really glad she came into my world
and I need (My little Freak Bitch)

She wants the kinky stuff
the likes it hard and rough
Another kinda love
(My little Freak Bitch)
she's really into pain
I'm really glad she came into my world
and I need (My little Freak Bitch)

3 letters in your name......

2010-06-04T12:33:00.000-07:00

I just have a quick message for a certain someone. =)

You deleted me on facebook but I know you still look at my blog cuz I got a tracker and can see your ip address everytime u look.... And I know you're prolly only looking at it in order to hit that little OHNT button so that maybe...just maybe... you'll get to see another picture of me...... so I figured I'd go ahead and put your mind to rest you stupid fuck.... I have no camera.... not even on my phone anymore so no HNT or OHNT for me til I get one...... but I think it's fucking hillarious that you don't wanna "be my friend" on a stupid gathering website but you'll still "stalk" (like you're so good at anyway hahahahahaha) my website trying to see me naked.... you're not only retarded, but you're also pathetic..... I sure hope u have a nice life you fucking idiot.

Love,
Robyn

lol

you wouldn't expect a normal story from me now would ya?

2010-06-03T19:54:00.000-07:00

This is out of May 31st's issue of Louisville's Local paper, The Courier Journal...... read it then below I'll tell you why I posted it.

The victim of a fatal beating early Sunday in Louisville was identified Monday as Bryan Stevenson, 26, of Maumee, Ohio.

Deputy Jefferson County Coroner R.D. Jones said Stevenson was in Louisville for a softball tournament.

The Cincinnati Enquirer reported on its Web site that Stevenson played left field for the Northern Kentucky team Good Guys and was in Louisville participating in the Lou Turner Tournament.

The newspaper said Stevenson was named Northern Kentucky Player of the Year last year in the USSA "C" State championship.

In high school he played basketball and baseball, then went on to Eastern Kentucky University on a baseball scholarship, the Enquirer reported. He was named first team all-Ohio Valley Conference in 2005, the newspaper said.

The assault occurred at about 4:15 a.m. Sunday outside Barbara Lee's Kitchen, 2410 Brownsboro Road.

Police said a fight started inside the restaurant and ended up outside.

Four Louisville men -- Donald W. Hays, 30, David A. Pryor, 28, Justin M. Werner, 21, and William L. Schindler, 23 -- have been charged with murder in Stevenson's death and with assault in connection with injuries suffered by a second man.

The second man, whom police did not identify, was not believed to have life-threatening injuries, according to Louisville Metro Police spokesman Dwight Mitchell.

Stevenson died about 2 p.m. Sunday at University Hospital, police said.

k, those 4 Louisville men that r listed... I know em all... how fucked up is that? Grew up with 2 of them... met one about a month ago and didn't really know the other I don't think but I'm extremly close to his cousin. And when you live in this neighborhood everyone knows everyone anyway... we've all lived here forever and someones mom babysat someone else or their sister or we lived next door type shit.... just childhood friends. It's weird... makes me really sad to thinkt hey've just given their lives up like that... and I mentioned to one of my friends about it that it kinda upset me and his remark to me was "why? their worthless if they could do that anyway" ok... maybe I can see your point in saying that... about someone you don't know.. but when it's actually someone you know it's different.

I'm not trying to condone anything at all that they did... it was incredibly stupid, and incredibly unfair for the victim.. a 4 on one or two fight is nowhere near fair... and to fight til death is just...... ugh but when I love a friend, even if it was years ago that I seen them, then I love them... what they do doesn't affect that, unless it's done to me. I'll admit to anyone that asks me that I think it was really stupid but I'll in the same sentence say that I'll miss seeing their faces around also... If you can just stop caring about someone just because they made a bad decision in life than your an awful hollow person anyway. And regardless of what they did, it's sad to think theyre gonna be gone away now for 20 some odd years....

I think people being stupid like most people are take it to think I mean that I'm saying they don't deserve it or something like that (although one of them really doesn't but I can't talk about that) but thats not what I mean... I just mean I'm sad that people I know are going to fucking prison for murder. i'm gonna miss seeing them around.. and all the other people I love around me still are all so heartbroken that it's really hard watching them be that sad also.....

This is on top of the fact that another of our friends just died about a month ago...... (I tried to find his obiturary online but he's got a weird last name and I apparently couldn't figure out how to spell it right so I couldn't find it) but his death really shook our little neighborhood also.... so for something like this to happen too, it's pretty sad around here right now. I dont like seeing all my friends so down. =(

I guess I know a person that would fit into almost any catergory you could come up with now.......

And weirdly enough... when we were doing all the construction on the basement today, my uncle and my cousins husband wanted Barbara Lee's for lunch... same resturant they killed the guy at.. so I got to go pick their lunch up.. was strange.

I think he sold it.

2010-06-03T08:40:00.000-07:00

My Uncle and my cousins husband are in the basement demolishing and redoing the bathroom today.... it's noisy.. hehe but kinda interesting. I like watching people do things that I don't know how to do... like construction.... or working on cars.. things like that.

I've come to the realiziation that music is one of the things that make me happy in life.... me and sean made a list of the things that can always cheer us up when we need it the other day and mine was a few certain friends, my hubby and kiddo, my kittys, and music. I think thats why I got so wrapped up in the 502 music scene for awhile.... it made me happy to have it in my life every day. I have an ipod that I usually always have with me.... but i need to update it and add some songs.. hehe and seans car (our ONLY car now lol) has a cd player so anywhere I go I have music with me..... it's an addiction almost.

My cousin called me last night... the one who picked us up when the car broke down and told me that as of yesterday my car hadn't been towed yet and was still sitting there.... but then he told me that his uncle was interested in going to get it and then paying me the junk price for it..... so I'm all kinds of excited... I offered to split it with him but he didn't want to.... I luv them. They've always been there for me. =)

I was just notified that I have 6 minutes of battery power remaining.. lol so better cut this short.. I'll write later. =)

and it's KILLIN me not to be in HNT... I just don't have a camera.... not even on my phone... grr.......

people irritate me

2010-06-02T07:24:00.000-07:00

So my daughter absolutly loves ICP and she knows almost all the words to all their songs..... now if you know any ICP then you know how not good of an idea this could turn into... lol I've had to explain to her what some of the songs mean because I don't want her singing along with something she doesn't undersand. It's always been important to me that my kiddo understand things before she does or talks about them. Like one day she asked me what Nigger meant cuz she hears my friend Nick say it like every other word and I explained it to her... but then i told her it was a word she shouldn't use. I told her when Nick said it, he meant it more like brother or dude but that it can be a very hurtful word and hurt some peoples feelings... I told her that it was a word that started a long long time ago that people used to describe black people, back in the slave days and that it was very offensive if used incorrectly but that it wasn't necessarily a cuss word like fuck or shit was. I told her it was an adult word sorta but that it was one of them words that you shouldn't ever use unless you completly understand what you're meaning when you say it.... and she understood... and has never said it.. and I think she knew it was kinda a bad word anyway cause when she asked me about it she said "what's that n word nick uses all the time mean mom?"

I think I have a very very smart kid..... who got STRAIGHT A'S this year btw..... yay!!! But she's always been really early in every stage of development (minus potty training, she was 4 before we got that down fully) but other than that... she gave up her own pacifier at like 4 months old.. just didn't want it anymore.... she stopped taking a bottle at a year old... she could talk in full sentences by a year old and I know people with 2 year olds that can barely talk, mik has always been understandable and very very talkative... and she walked at 9 and a half months..... well le me rephrase that.... she RAN at 9 and a half months.... lol we had her sitting on seans moms kitchen table one night and she stood up and ran down it to her nana... lol and since she realized those little legs were good for something, she's never again been in a stroller... hell I sold her stroller before her first birthday.... she wouldn't stay in it if you put her in it and she knew how to work the straps so she'd just unbuckle herself and get out.. she wanted to walk... she's never been a carry me kid neither.... but I've been grateful her whole life how smart she is.... I'd put her in the top 10 of any child I've ever known and thats not just cause I'm biased.... schools even said she's extremly bright.... just kinda hyper and it's hard to settle her down enough to sit thru class all the time...

I've always thought she had a touch of add but all kids do and i've never concerned myself with it.... she learns just fine and obviously with straight a's she does just fine in school too.. so I've always just chalked it up to her being an only child and not having the opportunity to run off her energy,.... lol

And a side note real quick.... she can read now really well and is sitting over my shoulder reading as I write this... lol it's so weird when your child can read... you gotta stop spelling things around them for sure.. haha start talking in code instead.

But mik has always had a very strong opinion on the music she likes... she's modeled it around sean and my tastes naturally because thats what she hears most often because I've never been one of them moms who puts "the wheels on the bus" cd in when my kids in the car.... lol thats just kinda retarded to me.... I just taught my kid from the time she could talk which words that only adults are allowed to say... she's asked me why they are adult words only and I've told her that as you get older you gain more privileges in life and being able to say whatever is one of them.. she bought it. lol

I've posted a few times with ICP lyrics tho.... I keep using them as an example because they are pretty vulgar... like on their new cd theres a song called "to catch a predator" the song is about how J (the singer) tricks perverts online into thinking he's a 12 year old girl and invites them to his (her) house and then beats the shit out of them and leaves em chained in his basement so he can go beat on em periodically.... because they deserve it.... (and they do) lol but it's just a song... it's not like he's singing about something he actually did... and I've always thought it was so stupid how people make such a big deal over songs.. like for instance Ice T's Cop Killa...... omg that song raised such a stir when it came out that they banned it from being played in the US.... same as 2 live crews "As Nasty as they wanna be" but all it does is prompt them to come out with something to retaliate with... hence 2 live crews very next album "banned in the usa"..... who fucking cares what a song says? it's like people blaming tv for their children shooting up their schools.... thats not the tvs fault it's the parents fucking fault for not knowing their child well enough to realize there was some sort of disturbance in their brain......

Anyway my point is...... I had someone tell me I was a bad mom cause I let mik listen to icp. fuck you. lol i'ma great mommy.... ask my kid. I just realize that I have a foul fucking mouth but she doesn't.... she knows what she can say and what she can't say and if she can't figure out how to substitute a clean word for a bad word when she's singing then she'll ask me what word she can use instead.....

like

" I get mad, i'ma fuck you up it's me and you mother fucker I'ma fuck you up" is part of one of the songs..... she says "I'ma mess u up.. it's me and you bad person I'ma mess you up" and I personally see nothing wrong with that.. she hears those words daily from me from her dad and from most the people we know what's the fucking difference in hearing them in songs?

I hate when people try to butt into your parenting lifestyle.... have your ownkids if you wanna try to play parent asshole. lol

i think the gorge is cursed.... lol

2010-05-31T06:33:00.000-07:00

First off.. I have no camera so I have no pics to post..... but we went campin this weekend... Took Mikayla to Red River Gorge for the first time ever.... Bernie and Belynda went with us for a night too. The camping trip was awesome... couldn't have been better..ik had a blast, bernie and belynda had fun and me and sean had a great time.... got to take them alla round and show em the sights and whatnot.... didn't hike much cuz of Mik being with us but we still took them all to see alot. =)

Well, Bernie and Belynda left early sunday afternoon cuz Belynda has to work sunday nights..... and we were gonna stay one more night.... well heard on the radio that heavy storms with terrential rain was headed that way..... and we've been thru that before and didn't wanna take that risk with Mikayla with us so about 10 at night Sean and I decided that the lightning was becoming a little too intimidating and to be safe we should go ahead and get out of there..... so we pack up and wake the kid.. tear everything down and leave....

Get about 5 minutes into the gorge.... with no cell phone receptioon AT ALL and very heavy storms headed our way... and the car starts squaking and jumping and making all kinds of fucking noise....... so we made the decision to keep driving it.... we needed to get to reception in case it died or we would have just been stranded and totally screwed.... well, get it onto the expressway and it stops making noise.... so we just head home.... well right around 140 miles from Louisville the squaking comes back it shoots up to like 6rpms and then dies........ dead...... I have just enough cell reception to text... it wouldn't let me make or receive calls but I could text// and luckily my cousins husband waS still awake.... him and his friend Jeff drove out to the exp[ressway to find andrescue us.... we stayed the night at their house but the cars still sitting side of the eway.... I have no way to tow the damn thing and his friend Jeff said his opinion is that it either dropped a valve or threw a rod. either way it's fucked.... lol

I think Seans mom is going to come pick us up and take us to our car to get the stuff out of it but Idk whats gonna happen with the car. I guess I'll let Shnnon and Adam see if they can somehow get it toqwed to their house and go from there... beats me.

so yeah that my weekend story... lol I'm glad we left though.. regardless of the breaking down middle of the night shit cause the storms did hit and parts of the gorge is all fucked up again so had we stayed we'd have been stranded there instead with no reception (and by this point my cell battery is dead anyway) and no car.... so at least we're safe here at Shannon's. =) I'm so thankful they were there last night.

AND oh yeah..... I quit my job. =) I decided to do that yesterday though... haD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CAR OR BEING STUCK OR WHAtever...... i just am miserable there anymore and hate it..... can't be that unhappy just because of one little fuzzy asshole ya know... I let someone I work with decide my mood in life and thats not right... he's SOOOOOOOOO not worth that. AT ALL. lol

If I would have called into work this morning telling Matt my car died and I was stuck he'da never believed me and would have fired me anyway... lol so regardless.. I made the right choice all around. =)

still bitching hehe

2010-05-28T09:26:00.001-07:00

Pretty sure I'm quitting my job today.. I have all my uniforms bagged up in case. Our owner called a staff meeting and told me yesterday that after he finished no one might wanna work there.... but I can tell him before he even begins that I don't want to anymore.

In a way I feel bad... see Joe threatened me the other day... and when I told Sean about it, he told another friend of ours and they both want nothing more than to give him the smack he thought about giving me... but I've stopped them both because violence isn't going to help anything.

I looked up my rights as an employee tho and there are laws protecting me from my *manager* threatening me and the time he called me a cunt. I could take him to court and he'd lose his job and have some community service to do... but I'm not gonna do that either.. I don't want him to lose his job..... god knows he'll never be able to find another one to match it.

It's funny cause he's got this superiority complex about him like he's so special and just so good at his job and this gives him this ridecoulous ego. We make sandwiches... if you're not *good* at that, then you're obviously just a reject. I mean for real... how hard is it? lol It's almost funny how proud he is of it..... but they pay him an absurd amount of money... like 13 or more an hour.. he's worked there for 10 years...... he will not be able to go anywhere with that experience and get anything more than a minimum wage job.... they will laugh him out of the interview if he tries to claim managerial experience... takes a little more than calling in a produce order to be amanager.

I think the main problem between him and I is that I know his job is crap.... and I know my job is crap... but I accept it.. lol he still thinks he's got something good goin. and I don't let him bos me around. I accept that he's my manager but at the same time I don't ever need help so he doesn't do anything for me y a know..

ugh.. I'll stop about work... it just aggravates me... I almost can't wait to quit.. lol fuck that stupid dead end place... enjoy your life as a sandwich maker you grumpy little troll... lol

Grandma is doing alright... she's still really sore but she can get up and walk around and whatnot.. I got her walker out for her so she has it to help support herself with.

Started cleaning the basement today.. got it emptied and started sweeping... then took an internet break lol... gotta finish sweeping then go get my paycheck... then I'ma come back and mop I guess.... it's pretty dusty and dirty down there.. It's not too bad though....

I think I'm gonna go tonight and buy mik a new matress and us a bed also.... we both need em... still need some more furnitire too tho.... got bare minimum what we need.. lol

Well, gonna run i guess.. go get my paycheck and back to cleaning this dusty ass basement.. lol

Long as our neighbors don't catch on I'll have internet access... lol

i just need to bitch... and update... lol

2010-05-25T19:00:00.000-07:00

Quite a bit to talk about so I'm going to try to be brief about everything so I don't forget anything or make this reaaaally long. =) I'm on a laptop sitting outside at my grandmas house at like 10 at night. We are staying the night and brought the laptop hoping someone would have an unsecure network...hehe....and they did..and here I am.

k, first and foremost... Creeds surgery went great. Perfect even.. it started a little late, the donors family wanted their whole family to be able to view them before they released them to be donated to Creed. But around 3am they started... said expect about 9 hours and it only took about 7. He did great all the way thru it, and although he is still in the icu...mainly as procedure and precaution....he is off both the ventilators, and breathing 100% on his own. They've even removed the chest tubes.

I haven't made it to actually see him since because my work schedule and the icu visitation schedules clash but I'm off all weekend so I'm definitly going to see him then. =) I am so happy.... and relieved..... it's just an amazing, unbelievable thing to me that seemed like it would never get here...and now it's here. and finished... and he's healthy.. and ah, it overwhelms me. I love Creed. he's a dear dear friend to me, I just couldn't be any happier for him. I'[ll still post updates as I time goes on though for those that have been following all along. =) And thank you for all your good wishes and thoughts and prayers and whatnot.;... it obviously did its job.

K, second.... my friends dad passed away from cancer.. he'd been sick for years from it but just kept fighting.. just like my momma.. but it finally got the best of him. Went to his funeral.... they always upset me... I could go to a persons I don't even know and get upset about it.. lol it's just the environment I guess...... and the memories. ugh.
Anyway, my thoughts have been on her for the past few weeks... she's tough like me so I know she's alright but I also know it hurts regardless how tough you are... and I want her to know I luvs her. =)

3rd.. my job... it's still driving me nuts... it's not even so much my job, it's my manager. He just really dislikes me now. He tried to play it off talking to other people saying I just don't understand what happened.. we used to be so cool....... and yep we did.. but thats before he fell into some unhappy hole andstarted treating everyone around him like shit. And I've never had issue one with him outside of work.. we've hung out many many time outside work and always had fun.. and to this day I'll invite him to things I'm going to (but he'll never come)..... no, my issue is not him as a friend, pr normal person.... my issue is with him as some sort of authority figure over me..

And I can even handle that he's my manager... I did it for years.. he's always beenn the manager and I've always respected that about him... but when he started fucking around with chrissy he turned intoo a totally different person and just because an asshole. Even our boss when he interviews new hires, he tells them that I'm talkative but that Joe can be pretty hard to get along with. To me that just doesn't make sense.. why would you want someone who can't even reason with other people, no he has to autonatically start an argument or try to make someone feel stupid or small. He did it to the new girl just yesterday.. I'll tell that part of the story in a second... let me finish my point here first.... lol my point is that as an owner, matt shouldn't allow joe to be that way toward other employees that he is supposed to be a role model for. BUT HE DOES. lol

so that story.....

Yesterday

Had a pretty heavy lunch rush, we usually do.. and it was me Joe and the new girl working. Matt wanted new girl on the register for practice while we were busy.. so I assumed I was going to take the slicer and joe the middle because we try to alternate, but with having new people thats hard to really do cuz neither of them can do the slicer yet so it's me and joe only who does it til they have time to learn it better first, and Joe did it like 4 or 5 days of last week... and yeah it can wear you out.... it hurts my wrist like crazzy... well, he slices the first couple peoples sandwiches and passes them down before I get my hands dried and ready to work... so I dress them.... whatever.... then he slices the next couple people and I dress them..... well he makes this comment that matt actually hears that time that "I'm not on that damned thing again, I had it like 4 times last week". Which whatever spazzy... we all realized that anyway and I'd already planned to take it for the next couple days actually so u (manager) could help newbies with the register.... see this had all been figured out...lol he just likes to bitch because he thinks the attention itbrings himself makes him look special. which it doesn't... it just makes people like matt (our boss) do things like..... warn new employees about him. Well.... seeing as how we were really busy... and she had a million questions for him.. when I would get done slicing the line of people i had, I would move down and dress a couple so Joe had time to help her.... and I guess this next incident just broke that poor camels back for lil Joe that day..... but the beeper beeped.... We have a grill that has a timer that beeps when it's 18 seconds is over so we dont forget about the sandwiches on it... (lol) well, I went over to get it off th grill (which is technically a middle persons job).... I cut the sandwich in half.. which is standard procedure for our store and put it on their tray.... then.... here it comes ya'll... you ready??? I got a napkin and wiped off the knife that resides in Joes area..... (it had sauce on it from where I cut the other sandwich).... But yep.. I guess that did it for him... and that' sliterally all I done too cause after i helped with that one, I walked away and stocked my chips and wiped my slicer a lil. (I'll explain that later too) nah fuck it, I'll explain it now.. it goes along sorta..... part of the slicer persons job is to stock chips and clean the slicer off..... well my chips stayed stocked all day,they always do when it's my job... I'm VERY good at my job... easy at it is... many people aren't that good at it.. but I really am.... anyway... I figured the slicer wasn't really as pressing as some of the other things that needed to be done since we were that busy... so I helped the new girl out a little... cleaned a few tables and trays for her... she's new.. we were slammed.. it can be overwhelming.. and Joe said to me over and over and over again... (like he's my god damned mother) "she'll never learn if you keep doing it for her robyn" which yeh you're right she won't but it's not like I'm like.. ok girl you go sit down.. i'ma do all your shit then you can come back.... no.. I was wiping a fucking table..... find something REAL to bitch about dude... jesus god damned christ....

But anyway... the whole reason behind this rambling is because new girl came up to me after our lunch rush was gone and said "I see what everyone has been talking about now" (there have been like 8 people who have worked at our store before come in since she started and basically tell her to run far far away because none of them could stand working for his my shit don't stink ass) but anyway.. I said "Why, he piss you off already?" and she said "Well yeah, he kept getting all kinds of frustrated with me about my questions and then when he told you that I'd never learn if I didn't do it myself, he kept coming over himself and just pushing the buttons instead of letting me do it... I hate a hypocrit.. I get what Matt meant" BUT THEN SHE SAID "and apparantly he really isn't too fond of you neither" and I kinda laughed and said "nah he's not, but why do you say that?" and she (blew me away) but she said "cause he said if you cleaned one more knife on his area or did anything else that was technically his job he was going to smack you in front of everyone on this line" and my jaw just dropped....... OF COURSE he said it to her instead of me first off cause OMG... Omg omgomg he'd have lost at least 3 teeth right thenand there. She also told me that he opened up to her the other night at work and told her that he had no idea why him and I weren't cool anymore and that he tried just sooo hard to be a good guy and he believes that he'll be treated only how he treats others so he tries to be nice to everyone...... and grr it ate me alive.... luckily she's not a re and didn't buy a word of it... but still....thats how he's made it this far without just getting his ass beat is because he knows how to talk to the right people.

But I do too. ;)

And all of you are thinking.l.. why not just tell your boss? I have... I did.. yesterday actually and the response I got was.... Oh he came in like that today.. it's just a "joe" day deal with it til 3 and he leaves....

I think thats crap... I'm too old to just beat him up and I have bills to pay so i can't just quit my job and I work for a mom and pop business so I have 0 rights.....

I don't want to get him fired... he says all the time "oh your just after my job"

well a. your jobs a joke.... just like mine is. you manage what 3 people... 2 are a week old... and th other is your equal as far as the job goes.... your only managerial duty is to call in a 45 second produce order.... "yeah hi, this is bob from bobs and I need a case of lettuce, 2 cases of tomatoes and some green peppers today... yeah thanx." man.. be so proud..... demand that respect.

but b. I wish you nothing but the best..... I didn't mind working under you before.... so all you have to do it stop being adick and I'll like my job again... otherwise.. I'm either quitting.... or.. um yeah. ;)

mwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

and c. I'm going back to school... I'm only going to work part time.... I don't want to be a manager.... specially of asub shop... been there. done that... cept I was in an office all day doing paperwork and schedules and payroll and inventory .. you know.. manager things... also managed a very sucessful, thats still around halloween store for a season.. they even fired the night manager because I did such a good job they wanted only me as the manager... um, I've been a book keeper (kinda like an accountant but with less clients and no degree), an asisstant manager more times than I can count... and the sole employee that ran the entire box office system at the drive in.... I undersand what true responsibility is.. I've had many areal job.. right now I have a cake cake cake job... I can't believe people over 25 actually work there as long as I have but I have reasons lol..... but still... point is.... I'm moving on... even if I got fired tomorrow I'm still going to be fine. a part time job with my experience is not hard to find...

I enjoy my job... I do like working there and the owner is amazing... he's the best man i've ever met in my life... he has a heart of gold and trys to provide opportunitys for people to better themselves. I respect him ore than any man i've ever met.. i really do. he's helped me with some impossible tasks.... I've survived because of him..... and my job is easy like i sad, and I'm extremly good at it. both the new people have told me they want me to train them instead because I work more effenciently. But then i start trying to teach them somthing and I get accused of *trying to steal someones job* I'm so stuck.... murder is illegal...

My grandma offered to let me move back in with her.... I don't exactly want to because it's the basement AGAIN... and I've spent so much of my life in that basement but it's a good idea at the same time.... pros: I'm right here with grandma when she needs me.. instead of her having to find me and hope I'm near..... Mik is super comfortable in this house......mik also has friends right down the court and a sidewalk to play on.. and anot too busy court............ it saves me a ton in rent and expenses that i can put toward filing bankruptcy and going to school.... I can afford going to part time so that school isn't so rough and I have more time to devote to it and my family..
Cons: Mik also has friends at the apt and it's a perfect perfect playing outside arrangement...I'm ina lease and the only way out is to be evicted which goes on my credit...... it's the basement again lol...... she's not crazy about my cats (although she said I could have them).....

I guess thats enough for now... i've left my husband unattended long enough and I have LOTS of clothes to wash and it's after 11 already....

wait.. did I tell you about grandma? The whole reason I'm over here right now lol....

She had a Ventral hernia... part of her bowels had pushed thru her stomach and she had surgery today to have it pushed back in and that weak spot sealed off somehow... idk exactly... but she's doing well.. sore as expected. They kept her overnight just for observation so I stayed over here with my uncle cause he gets uncomfortable when he's alone. and that's how I jacked one of her neighbors internet... hehe

good night.

Creed is getting his lungs!!!!!!!

2010-05-17T16:02:00.000-07:00

I have no internet still but I had access for a second and wanted to make sure and post this. My Friend Creed, the one we did the Give A Buddy A Lung benefits for years back is at the hospital right now being prepped. They called him this morning, said his lungs are ready. They found a match!!!!! It's a double lung transplant and is going to take every bit of 10 hours but they are giving him a 90% survival rate on surviving just the surgery. There is no way to determine how his body will react and wether he will reject them or not but the drugs they have available now are amazing at helping your body to adjust and be stable.

I'm so excited... and so nervous at the same time... I can't believe it's finally here.. I'm so happy for him. Hopefully I get to keep my childhood friend for many more years to come. So everyone please keep him in your thoughts and send nothing but goodness this way. =)

Hopefully I still have mo job tomorrow too..... I've been telling my boss for months and months and months that this was coming up and he made it perfectly clear to me that he understoood the situation and would support me and let me off whatever day that it happens..... so I went in to work today to tell him it's finally here and he looks at me and says "you need to decide to yourself which is more important to you" hmm.....making sandwiches at a dead end teenager stupid job.... or being there for the line in life when it's decided if my friend lives or dies...... yeah I think I chose door number 2. My boss is only mad because we are short handed. Our 3rd employee quit 4 weeks ago and he hired a replacement but she has already quit too so we have 2 employees plus our boss..... Now when our boss lea ves for a 2 hour delivery and leaves just Joe and I to fend for ourselves in an 800$ lunch rush... thats perfectly acceptable.... but when I need the day off to support my friend and celebrate the fact he made it, or mourn the fact that he didn't and I have to leave work to just Joe and our boss... thats unacceptable......... wtf ever. If my fiend doesn't make it, and I call in... and I get fired.... I will get unemployment. He has denied it for most every employee he has every fired but he's never quite had an employee like me. I have info that the irs would shut him down for.. and I had approval for this day off for at least 7 months now... deny me..... and I'll bare all your laundry.

But in reality, I'll go to work I'm sure... because it's my job and I'm responsible... but one word will not be spoken from me to anyone in that building. not one word, and I couldn't mean that any more literal than that. I will go to work, do my work, and leave... then straight back to th hospital I come.

But enough about me and my riduculous job..... also... I wrote a letter to my boss... 14 pages back and front explaining every single thing that goes on behind his back by everyone that has every worked there, myself included.. I told him about everything that gets said when he's not there, and about how I felt...... and guess what it got me..... a dollar raise. Yeah... guess he agreed with me. He knows that cetain (aspects) to that place are as crooked, phony, bitchy and problematic as anything he's ever encountered. His response to me told me that he totally agreed with me and that he appreciates my hard work........

But, this situation is bullshit I think. Not that what I think matters but it's bullshit.. He knows it's bullshit too. And I bet Joe is just eating it up that they wouldn't let me off..... but thats another thing too.... I've got like 5 people who have approached me about joes attitude with everyone lately and told me that all I have to do is say one word and it's fixed..... but I'm not like that. I'd never hurt anyone... or get anyone hurt... and regardless of what mr. high horse joe thinks, I'm not wanting him to lose his job. I know he needs his job just as much as I do but the attitude with me WILL stop soon. and his thinking hes better than me WILL stop soon too. I care how many more years you have on me.. it's a sandwich shop... one year of employeement is equal to 45 years of employment as far as experience goes... 12 years doesn't make you any better... why? because it's not fucking possible to get any bhetter.. you cut meat, spread may on sandwiches and answer a phone every now and then....... get over yourself... lol how funny right?

I miss blogging..... But. moral of my story wasn't to rant about my work..... it was to make you think about Creed. send every good thought you have this way.. he's going to need them.... and thanks to everyone who's helped out thru the years with our fundraising for him. =)

Candy land

2010-04-12T17:23:00.001-07:00

Throw your hands up clap twice then stomp. Its me n granma lump n the molasses swamp. I see waterfalls dumpin into chocolate smores i left that bitch floatin and hit the peppermint forest. Lollipop trees all n the gumdrop mountains there i saw jolly molly sittin on a nut pop. She told me she was waitin on the kool aide man cuz he stuck his tootsie roll in her fillin hole an ran. I didnt give a damn i bit her head off vicious.. That rich nougat cookie dough hoe was delicious... So bring your sweet tooth bitch ima coat it n pain and all u sugar freak fakes are the same.. Im talkin bout candy land.... Its smooooth delicious.. Bitch its candy land and it aint nutritious. he he it makes no sense but i love icp. Lol

Spring break 2010

2010-04-10T21:00:00.001-07:00

Baby sittin a friend of mines little girls tonight. One is miks age, 7, and the others 6 months. Had forgotten how much quieter a baby was than a 7 year old. Lol i remember sayin how i couldnt wait til mikayla was old enough to kinda fend for herself.. And now she is that age and im like.. Oh how i miss the quiet. Lol no more kids for me tho. I like babies but i like them for like 2 days max lol. I kept them last weekend too and mik went and stayed last night with them so shes had a fun filled spring break. :)

Random numbers. :)

2010-04-06T19:10:00.001-07:00

I have been married for 10 years. I have been a mom for almost 8. Ive worked 30 hours or more weekly for 17 years minus when i was pregnant. Ive been without my dad for 17 years and without mom for almost 4 now. I have 62 credit hours n college. In my time ive clocked well over 100 hours voluntered.. i was in labor for 40 some odd hours. Im just a wee bit over 5 foot tall. Im not quite 100 pounds. I have 9 tattoos and 10 piercings. And maybe 10 people that actually make it to my ones that i trust list. I have 0 true siblings but 2 in law sibs and 1 person who will always be my brother n my eyes. was bored... Just numbers that crossed my mind. :)

Zombie jesus n god damn girl eat somethn

2010-04-04T15:57:00.000-07:00

So we are at seans moms house for desert today.. Sittin at the table eatin pie an his sister says something about how i eat like a man yet stay thin an i said yeah im only 97 pounds an his mom said... God lord thats almost emaciated. It imediatly reminded me of my dads mom. That lady never has a nice word 4 me. Fuck that tho. Im far from fuckin emaciated. U all have seen my pics.. Im just small. and they wonder y i get smart? Like that wasnt rude 4 her 2 say? Wtf ever. Happy fuckin easter zombie jesus day.

Happy Easter

2010-04-03T22:14:00.001-07:00

Happy easter. :) i offered to baby sit a friend of mines 2 girls 2nite so she could go out 4 her birthday. So in addition to my own 7 year old creature, i have another 7 year old an a 6 month old baby all nite. Both of them are really good for me tho. I never mind helpin her out. :) she always returns the favor too which is nice also. Its hard to find a good sitter who works on a trade basis like her and i do so that neither of us has 2 pay. Its kinda nice. Seans mom and my grandma were literally the only two people i had to watch her for a couple years. And grandma can only handle a couple hours at a time too. But now she has gotten used to jamies so she will stay over there sometimes. And she has stayed with alaina a few times 2. Slowly but surely gettin over that homesick thing. :)

Weekend report

2010-03-21T18:36:00.001-07:00


Had a pretty ok weekend. The weather yesterday was great. We spent the day drivin around the cemetary. Its one of our favorite things to do. :) trying to not spend much money so we can manage to pay our storage up an get there 2 get the important stuff. Every single picture i have of myself my mom and my dad is n that storage. Everything my mom gave me. Everything mik has ever had. All our decorations an memory stuff. Those r the things it breaks my heart to think of losing. Moms stuff mainly tho. so im tryin to figure something out. Dunno if itll work out or not. gotta work all week. Really startin to hate my job. Really really need a new one. Lol u hirin?

Lil fragile

2010-03-21T07:24:00.001-07:00

Ever felt like you cant do anything right? like i break everything i touch. Bull n a china shop like they say. I hate being the cause 4 everything being fucked up.

2010-03-14T11:57:00.001-07:00

A side note

2010-03-11T19:48:00.001-08:00

Sean doesnt read my blog. He has probably only looked at it like ten times total and i have been blogging for like 8 years. Just somethin i was sittin here thinkin about.

Typo

2010-03-11T18:41:00.001-08:00

I was told today that i wont be asked to be a part of someone really important to me's wedding. this is what that sentence from the post below is supposed to look like. Lol i forgot the word wedding and it reads kinda funny without it. And i mentioned already that im posting from my phone by text and i couldnt figure out how to go edit a previous post. Lol sorry. So read this one then read the one below it for my real post for the day. :)

Just stupid

2010-03-11T18:34:00.001-08:00

So im not gonna say names cause i dont want to start nothin lol but something happened today i just had to write about. i was told that i wont be asked to be a part of someone really important to me cuz the guy had said my name while they were fuckin one nite and that his girl really doesnt even like me that much. now i can see her reasonings and all but i had nothing to do with that. Lol it really kinda hurts my feelings that i dont get to be a part of the wedding. And also to find out that she doesnt like me. She sure does text me when she is bored for someone who doesnt like me. I dont understand why so many people are like that. i just keep finding out more and more that its really hard to find someone you can truely trust. So ty ty ty to the ones that i have. You all know who you are. :) so os taught me how to send posts directly to my web site by text. Thats how i posted this one so if its hard to read or whatever im sorry. Lol xoxo

Got home from work and there is a notice

2010-03-09T18:03:00.001-08:00

Got home from work and there is a notice on my door that maintenance had been in my apartment to change the furnace filter. Which whatever ya know but i didnt like that they just came in. The rules say they give you a 24 hour notice before entering your apartment. What if id been n the tub or like takin hnt pics or somethin? Hehe but u get what im sayin. os told me a way i can post 2 my blog straight from my phone so thats how i did this one. i think it just kinda runs everything together but its still a way for me to be able to blog. :) :) :) :) went to the cemetary today. Walked around cave hill for awhile then went to one up the st and seen my friends little boys grave. They just recently put up his stone. Id show the pic but idk if shed be comfortable with that or not. Sad though. Kids shouldnt die.

2010-03-09T12:09:00.001-08:00

Sean and I rented this wii game...

2010-03-09T00:01:00.000-08:00

Sean and i rented this wii game called silent hill and at the start of it it gives u a questionairre 2 fill out. Asks questions like do you make friends easily.. Well at the time sean was playing and he answered yes.. He does make friends easily.. Have you ever role played during sex? Was another and again sean said yes cuz we b freaks n all lol. But next question was ever cheated on a spouse and he again no hesitation said yes cuz he has. But it got me thinkin.. If ever im asked that question will i have to say yes because i had sex with nick? Cause in my mind him and i were apart and none of that matters but i guess we technically still married so if you get all jesus about it then i cant argue. Damn me if need be i guess lol. But when i say he cheated it was different than this. He did this while we were together and in his words doing great. But thats not the point. Lol point is i wonder how i need to answer that question from now on? Lol. but anyway.

Got the net on my phone but its very limited. I cant get to any of the blogs to read them or to post on my own.. So i once again had to ask the blogfather for help. He he. So ty blogfather 4 helpin me. Yet again hehe sean and i are together if u hadnt caught that yet and we are doing really well. :) i couldnt be happier. He is also workin now too and thats a huge huge help. Just got a second car today. First ones not the best but this one seems real nice so far. Its the one i get to drive he he. :) limited on space to lol but ill get to post more often now. :) loves an thanx 4 still readin. :)

I'm still here =)

2010-02-09T17:42:00.000-08:00

It's been a good long while since I posted obviously.

Sean and I are back together now. And we are happier than ever. Things are going really well and he's been showing me how much he appreciates me and our daughter every day.

We are both working and looking around trying to find an apartment close to our jobs but so far we haven't turned up anything. We will though.

I havevery limited internet access so I can't post regularily yet but I'll get back to it eventually. Thank you to htose who havebeen checking in on me. I luv you guys. Makes me feel good to know theres someone thinkin about me. =)

I asked ina previous post butgot no response so OBVIOUSLY he doesn't read my blog anymore, but Exile I'd love your phonen umber again if you would email me. =)

Os has been helpin me out postin pics so I can be found here and there still. =)

Hope all is well with everyone. I'll be back soon. =)

Hi!

2010-02-06T16:39:00.000-08:00

2009-10-26T07:53:00.000-07:00

My friend Libby has one of those nifty itouch phones
Until now I haven't been able to acess my blog but her phone will let me. It bass really touchy keyboard and I. Don't have a lot of patience so I wont be on here long lolq.
Sean n I have been getting along and we have arranged things so that we both get to spend time with mikayla. It seems to be working. I am seeing someone and I just learnedii that Sean is too. Its still weird sometimes but I am happy the way things are. And so is he so my decision was the right one I think. Now that I can ill get back to posting. And moose, exile, and Scott... ive lost your numbers he he email me with em pretty plz
Mwah

2009-07-01T21:09:00.000-07:00

=) Sean came and hung out with me for a little while tonight, and brought his laptop (again). It's like the dealer selling the junkie crack. haha. I still don't wanna say too much so it's hard to say really anything I'm thinking lately. But I got my old job back when I got back to Louisville. Same pay but a little less hours. But still.. I got a job, yay. Found a great babysitter for Mik while i work, so it all seems to be working out right now.

This thing is low on battery so I'm not gonna use it much longer. Email me, I can check that from my phone.. lol

UPDATE

2009-06-21T13:33:00.000-07:00

This isn't going to be detailed, I just felt I should update real quick.

We are all back from Florida. Most of you know this by now though. *things* didn't work out in certain areas but living there was awesome.

Those of you who have my number call me. Those that don't and would like to talk, I'll tell you more, OS knows how to get ahold of me (or he will after I call him tonight) so ask him, he canuse this as proof that he can give ya my number. =)

But yes I'm back in Louisville, and yes my ENTIRE life has changed. I'm not sure totally if it's a better change or a worse change or just what it is exactly but I'm working on figuring it all out.

Luv you all, sorry it's taken my so long to write again, and I have no internet acess, I lucked into it today... so I won't be updating too much til I get a laptop or something.

MWAH,

Robyn

(and to the ones who've I've recently discovered have read my blog and are REALLY pissed off at me about it now..... I'll tell you like I've told others before. This is my journal. I chose to allow it to be public but the same rules apply as with a typical diary that you keep under lock and key........ These are my thoughts when I'm sad, or pissed off, or what have you... I don't vocalize these thoughts to everyone as I feel them all the time because I know it'll hurt feelings sometimes... so i write it instead. If you find it, and chose to read it, then get hurt feelings oer it, then I'm sorry for that but at the same time. If you see something you know you're not going to like then chose to keep reading, you're trying to piss yourself off.)

so that being said.... i'll write again when I can... until then... LUVS

=)

2009-05-10T11:25:00.000-07:00

Sittin here at the pool hehe. Usin a friends laptop. Haven't blogged in forever so I figured I better put up somethin to let everyone know things were going well. Sean got a job as a maintenance man, he starts Wednesday. I got a job at a year round haunted house, but I've been in the hospital twice since we got here and have only gotten to work three days so far. I keep hoping they don't fire me, but I don't think they can long as I have a doctors note. My kidneys have been giving me hell. I've got a stone that's just chillen up in my kidney and refuses to drop and pass, so it's been hurting me like crazy. Hopefully it'll stop soon though, I'm so sick of dealing with all that. You'd think I'd be used to it by now though. lol

Mikayla has learned to swim since we;ve been here, which is great cause Florida isn't a place you should be if you can't swim.. lol She's a regular fishy now though, I'm proud of her.

Can't occupy too much time on this lptop though, it's not very charged so I'ma go, just wanted to give a quick update since I hadn't blogged in a while.

Happy Mothers Day to everyone.. Loves.

MWAH!

TMI Tuesday

2009-03-31T07:32:00.000-07:00

I used to participate in TMI Tuesday every week, as I used to participate in HNT every week also.. hehe But life, work and being a mommy sometimes halts how many things I can get done in a day hehe. But I figured you all were tired of reading about me moving lol so I'm doin TMI this week. =)

1. Have you ever sent or recieved a sext message? - yeah quite a few times. I used to send my hubby pix while he was at work too just to drive him nuts.. hehe

2. Have you ever made or recieved a booty call? - Nope, I've been married since I was 20, and was with the same person before Sean since I was 15, never had time for a booty call lol

3. Have you ever added or edited a word/entry to Wikipedia or Urban Dictionary or any other online reference? - Not exactly , but word has it HNT is in the Urban Dictionary now and Ive participated in that since it began. =)

4. At what age did you have your first consensual sexual experience? - I was 15 the first time I gave and received oral.... 19 before I ever had sex tho.

5. What has been the greatest age difference between you a consensual sexual partner? - a year between Sean and I.

Bonus (as in optional): Why do you blog? - my blog is the only person who really listens. ;)

2nd

2009-03-28T14:27:00.000-07:00

On a brighter note, ALOT of shit got packed the past 2 days. =) I went and paid for the truck yesterday too so thats in line.. and when I walked out of the store and the lady said "see you next weekend" it hit me... hehe it IS next weekend... I'm MOVING Next Frikkin Weekend! lol

Got damned near ALL our laundry washed and sorted. Got a Mik bin, and a me and Sean bin and a sock and undie bin that goes with us.. lol the rest goes to storage. And it's amazing... We've only lived here 4 months, and I did all our laundry 4 months ago and sorted thru it all and got rid of a TON of stuff that didn't fit Mik anymore.... and now just a mere 4 months later, I have another TON of shit that doesnt fit mik anymore.. haha it's amazing how fast kids grow. lol I'll be able to give the chic I work(ed) with some more kid clothes tho for her little one before I leave so that makes me happy. I like helping her out.

I cleaned up the bathroom real good and got it mainly packed up... got the kitchen packed.. and we took everything off the walls and packed it today too, so it's starting to really look like we're moving now. =)

Went out with manda Deena and Tre the other day for lunch.. it was fun. Deenas all pregnant and cute and Tre is fun to hang out with, it was a nice day. =)

Had a date set up with my cousin and her family for Monday but they got a wild hair and decided to head to florida themselves for a mini vacation (can't say I blame em hehe) so that was cancelled... BUT, I see that this way.... If they will just supr of the moment go to Florida, then I KNOW they're gonna come visit at some point.. hehe And I extend the same *you can stay with us* offer for them that I offer to everyone I love BUT, with 4 kiddos, we might hafta *camp* out in the yard to have room.. lol but I'm game for that too.. bring it on.

I love you though Denielle. =) I love your family... You and Shannon are the two of my cousins that I'm closest too and have a genuine relationship with. I started talking to you more when mom was dieing, and although it was terrible circumstances, I'm glad of the outcome between you and I. =) I don't want to lose touch with you because I'm moving. You living states away didn't change anything. Same for you Shannon, you and I have always had a odd little bond hehe.. months can pass and it's like we didn't miss a beat... I can only imagine the shit we'd have gotten into if we'd lived closer together huh? hehe

I don't want any of my other family to read this like.. well what about me???? But the rest of you know that we aren't super close. I love all of my family (even the one I have a very strong opinion about) but we're not on the same wavelength on a lot of personal levels.... nothing bad, just different lives is all. =)

We've got 2 shows to go to before we leave and thinking about who all is gonna be at the both makes me wonder who I'm gonna miss most out of my friends. It also makes me curious as to who all will actually come visit us. I hope everyone does.. I hope we constantly have a visitor.. that would be awesome.. hehe

I keep wondering where I'll get a job at too. I'm going for something easy like waitress or cashier or something like that at first.. just to get something that makes money, then I'll focus on finding something alittle better. The goal is simply paycheck at this point tho.. hehe I'm really hoping that moving somewhere with more wildlife possibilities is going to help me get into an area I'll be happy with for a career. I'm eventually opening a shelter tho, it WILL happen one day.

I guess thats enough rattling for now.. lol 2 posts in one day is alot for me.. haha ;)

family

2009-03-28T14:09:00.000-07:00

I know you're going to be surprised to hear this, but I have a few things I need to bitch about. ;)

*Seans mom is first on the list. Let me give you a little insight into the background first. Seans brother is in the Marines. he's stationed in North Carolina right now, lives there with his wife and daughter and dog. Sean is also a Marine, but was discharged in 2000. Billy, Seans brother, has always tried to model his life around what big brother Sean did.... hence the whole Marine thing.... and since the day Billy joined up, he's tried to get out. I'm not gonna get into why or how but he's tried numerous times to get out now, once before he even graduated Boot.

Well, now he's being deployed in August to iraq. He managed to dodge being deployed until now.

Well, when Sean was in, his family never did anything to recognize or say they were proud of him... No parties, no gatherings, no *my sons a marine* bumper stickers and tshirts, no trips to visit him, none of that shit... BUT, every tiny acheivement Billy gets and a party ensues....

When he joined, his girlfriend was all distraught (as expected, she was still in high school) so we basically let her move in with us. Spent all the time we could with her, and she went with us when he graduated for 9 days to South Carolina to be with him and bring him back home for his 10 day. Then he graduates, she moves to North Carolina with him, and they barely speak to us anymore.

Anytime they come to visit *home* they never make it a point to come see us. But they'll call. Seans mom will make dinner and we'll get an invite, and we go.... to see them...... but thats the ONLY time we get to see them. Sean got Billy involved as a DJ on wildliferadio this past year, and Billy was super excited about it... and they started talking more thru like yahoo and whatnot and it made Sean happy... Billy said he wanted to come over and do ashow with Sean together while he was in town.... then he gets in town.. and they NOT ONCE come over.. BUT, he manages to make it out to Fenders house for a show.

So then today... Seans mom picks Mikayla up cause she's keeping her tonight for us and asks us if we're planning to go to North Carolina in August b4 Billy is deployed. And we said no. August is Mikaylas birthmonth and mine, and we'll both have new jobs, and all that and if we could afford to we would but not likely.... and she gave us the stank eye....

Sean was deployed too. lol He served in Iraq... none of his family gave a shit..none of them seen him off..... it's the double standard and it really hurts seans feelings. I hate it.

His mom wasn't supportive of Sean, she didn't go out of her way to show her pride in him, she doesn't do it now to him. She's never ONCE told him she was proud of anything he's done. Our daughter is a genius, and she's beautiful... and Linda loves her sure, but she never acts like she's proud of her gradndaughter ya know.... she never shows emotion over anything involving sean.

Wanna know something fucked up? I've been with Sean 10 years now... in this 10 years I've watched my mom be eaten alive and die from cancer, I've had a kid, i've lost a kid, and we've had many other emotional things happen to us... ONLY time i've ever seen linda cry was the day I was baptised. To me thats fucked up. She did't cry at our wedding, she didn't cry when her first grandkid was born, but let her sons fiance get dipped into a pool of water and the waterworks flow....

I just don't like how we are expected to be all tight knit and such when we are treated like the bottom rung of the ladder. I'm sick of putting up with it, ad I'm sick of seeing how it makes Sean feel. I'm not sure if any of his family reads this or not, and if you do and get pissed I'm sorry but I'm so tired of seeing him feel like this.

This is why we came up with our own definition of family. We know what it is to be family, and those that we let in know what it is too... and if you're questioning what I'm talking about, then chances are, you're not part of it.

12

2009-03-23T11:10:00.000-07:00

We have a 3rd kitty. =) Ms. Whiskers. She's Nicks cat. I wanted him to bring her over before we move so my cats can get used to her before we move them all. Had to pretty much break his arm to get him to finally get her over here but she's here now. =)

She's really sweet. I think she's about 5 years old like mine are and she's spayed. She isn't declawed like my two are tho so hopefully there aren't any fights. So far, a lot of hissing and growling but no actual fighting. I hope they continue to not fight. She really doesn't have the attitude either.. lol it's my two that are being the assholes. but it's a territory thing, I knew it would happen. They'll get over it. lol

I talked to the principal at the school Mik is transferring to today also. Found out everything I have to do to get her in school in Florida. Basically I just have to have the forms I already have transferred thru the Florida health dept into official Florida documents and then turn them in. She does have to have a physical from a florida physician tho, so I'll have to get that taken care of once we get there.
I don't have to rush quite like I thought I would tho because we're moving there the week of their spring break. Spring break here starts this coming Monday and is over the 3rd of April, and Florida school's start spring break on the 6th.. lol so she gets spring break twice this year.. lucky kid.. haha I explained to the principal about the situation where she's in a kindergarten first grade class now so they are going to aptitude test her before deciding where to place her also.

My kitty's are up to date on their rabies vacceines, which is Floridas only pet requirement, and I'm gonna flea treat them the day we leave. I think I've decided to get a larger crate and put Boots and Zoe together in one and then position them in the van so that they face Whiskers cage and can see each other the whole trip, that way they won't be all pissed off and fighting again when we get there. I bought them all collars today too... I know none of them will like being on a leash but when we stop and stretch ourselves I can at least let them out of their cages for a few mintues each on a leash. lol this should be fun. I guess I'm just tossing the mice in their travel cases too... I'm not real real concerned with the mice.

12 more days!

We also decided to skip Disney World for now and go to Universal instead. Florida residents can get annual passes for 99 a person... Disney was gonna cost us 150 a person for 1 day! lol so we're getting annual passes to Universal instead. =) That way we can go all year long. We'll hit Disney eventually... after all we *will* live there. lol

nonsense... hehe

2009-03-15T08:07:00.000-07:00

We have exactly 3 weeks from today til we move. =) And we've decided that we need to get all the cats together before we move.. lol See, Nick had 2 cats also.. a boy and a girl. I don't think he's keeping the boy tho, he's unneutered and still a kitten, so I think he's going to adopt him out, but he's keeping Mrs. Whiskers, his girl. She's an older cat like my 2, and a girl.. lol

The place we're staying when we first get down there doesn't allow cats tho, so we figure that we need to get them learning to like each other before we move.. that way they don't go thru the stress of a 13 hour drive, then get tossed into a strange place with a new cat. So after work tomorrow, he's bringing Whiskers to our house, we're gonna start to mesh the kittys.. lol

Wish me luck. lol I have 2 cats, Zoe and Boots. Zoe is 4 and Boots is 8. When we had Lucy, we got her as a kitten and Boots was ok with her, but Zoe never did learn to like her, and we finally ended up getting rid of her. BUT, she was a kitten too, Whiskers isn't a kitten. Zoe's problem is with hyper tiny kittys.. lol I think that Whiskers will be easier to get used to because she's lazy and old like my two are now.. haha

I told Nick tho that he really oughta come stay with us til we move too tho.. or his cat is going to feel like he gave her away. It might make the transition easier on everything involved if he's here with her. I just hope they all get along. I love Whiskers, she's a great cat and having 3 kitty's makes me happy.. hehe

I'm still trying to decide if I want to get a larger crate and put Boots and Zoe in it together for the ride to Florida, or if I should crate them seperatly. I'm also wrestling with the idea of maybe sedating them for the ride. Boots has Cystitis and it flares up on her occasionally because of stress. And I know a 13 hour car ride will stress them out and I don't want to get Boots all feeling bad or nothing. BUT, I'm not real sure I'd be comfortable knowing both my cats were knocked the fuck out in the back of the car either.. I mean, if they just go to sleep that's fine.. lol because I can wake them if I need to, but being out like that with no vet nearby is likely to make me nervous. That and is it really safe for them to go that long without stretching their legs, eating drinking or pottying?

I seen on someone elses website where they had bought like a medium to large sized dog crate and put a shelf in it half way, got one of those aluminum roasting pans u can get at the store for like 2 bucks and used it as a small litter box inside the crate, and both her cats had room to curl up together in the box and still have access to a box.

I remember when we moved to Arkansas from Louisville Ky we had Thumper, and she was like 15 years old at the time... it was an 11 hour drive but we stopped half way and stayed the night. I had Thumper in a small crate, and the crate sitting on my lap in a hot ass uhaul the whole time, it sucked.. lol And she ended up pissing on herself about 6 hours into the trip. I gave her a bath in the hotel and she made the 2nd half of the trip just fine. But we're not stopping this time that I know of. I mean if everyone needs the break we will, if everyone seems fine we won't..

We're also trying to decide for sure if we want to rent a truck or if we can pull something that all our stuff will fit in and drive the van... The truck rental is more expensive because we have to tow the van and the tow dolley is like 125 bucks by itself. See our van is elderly.. lol that's my drawback in deciding for sure. It's a 91 which isn't *that* bad BUT it has over 320 thousand miles on it. It was my grandma and her boyfriends, they bought it brand new, always took great care of it cause they could afford to and literally drove it EVERYWHERE.. lol My parents borrowed it a time or two when they went on vacations, it's been all over the U.S. lol It drives pretty good still, we luckily haven't had any issues with it since he died and left it to me, but thats a long drive on a vehicle with that many miles on it. I keep thinking we're better off to tow it.

Driving it would be much easier tho, cause Mikayla would have room to lay down in it and we could fit her sean and I and the cats in it together. Nick is moving with us also and he has a Jeep Cherokee. He's driving behind us... we've already said that Mik's gonna curl up in his car instead cause it's got more room for her, but that puts her riding without us, and I'd rather have her with me ya know.. lol selfish mommy. hehe His Jeep is what we were going to tow a box behind if we can find one that'll fit all our furniture.. I bet we end up with a truck tho. It just seems like the easier option. Costs a little more, but that's worth it sometimes if it knocks off hassle of our van breaking down somewhere possibly. That would suck.

I could ramble on and on about everything... I'll stop tho. bernie told me the other day that my excitement was hurting his feelings because he's pissed we are moving. We've had like 4 people that have said they are moving there in a few months, if they really do that'll be awesome! We'll just relocate everyone.. haha Justin and his wife kerry are definitly moving, they're just waiting til school is out first for their kids. Josiah and Kristi said the same, they have 2 kids and want them to finish up the school year first, then they are moving... and theres another one I'm not allowed to list that is coming if their band issues fall apart like it looks like they are.... Kali and Joe are already there, we are moving right down the street from them, and Staci lives close to daytona which isn't but like 45 minutes away so we already know people there too. =) We moved to Arkansas and didn't know anyone but my moms boyfriend and ended up making some really great friends that we still talk to, so I don't doubt our friend making abilities... haha

I can't wait. Maybe you've picked up on that.....

it's hard to hold it all in.. lol

2009-03-13T13:31:00.000-07:00

Down to 23 days til we move now. =) 25 til I go to Disney world.. lol Next Friday is my last day at work... I'm so ready.

Was supposed to be off today, but went in for a whole hour to cover Nick so he could get some shit done before 3... a whole hour of work.. haha was kinda weird.

I told grandma two days ago that we were moving... and she asked me for 1200 dollars b4 I left. I told her I'd see what I could give her from my taxes and I'll end up giving it all to her I'm sure but it kinda pisses me off. Brian lived here almost 3 years, absolutly trashed the place and she never charged him a dime. I've lived here 3 months, kept it nice and clean, helped her and harold out anytime they need it, AND was the one who cleaned Brians mess b4 I moved in and I owe her 1200 dollars. I'm the one who restored the nice *smell* down here too that everyone bitched about for so long. Such is life I guess. yay double standards. I'd offered to pay an extra month of her insight bill for her since I was moving out but I'm not paying the extra month now that I owe her that much money.. sorry.

Got all my boxes now.. ready to start packing but I'm waiting til last minute this time because since Brian lived down here, the basement is flooded with roaches... (he had 5 dogs that shit anywhere they wanted to) and i'm not interested in taking those little creatures with me. I deal with them living here but they like to harbor in cardboard boxes so I'm gonna leave my boxes outside til we leave so they can't get in them... lol

I'm so excited to quit my job tho.. lol it drives me crazy working there.. I've managed 50 hours the past 3 weeks so my paychecks have been nice. And my taxes were mailed out today so I should have those anyday now too. yaaaay. Everythings coming together. It's exciting. I can't wait to leave this state.

Since mom died I've wanted to leave... it just doesn't feel like home without her. So I'm gonna go somewhere that she never helped make home for me so that I don't have those memories haunting me. That might not make sense to you all but it's hard to type... Here in Louisville, here at grandmas, here n this neighborhood, EVERYTHING reminds me of mom. And not that I don't like those memories because I cherish them but it makes it really hard sometimes. So maybe a change of scenery will help me out.

I'm looking forward to all the things people keep telling me that I'm not going to like. For instance, I'm looking forward to not knowing many people, I'm looking forward to meeting new people.. I'm looking forward to not knowing my way around, and having to learn a new place.. I'm looking forward to the HOT, I'm looking forward to the bugs, I'm looking forward to the change in economy, I can't wait to get a new job and a new place.... I'm excited to see how the cats are going to react, I'm nervous about the mice tho... When we moved to arkansas, we took out 3 gerbils with us, and they died on the ride there... I'm hoping to have better luck with the mice.. lol The gerbils had a heatstroke, I know now to monitor the temp in the mice cage throughout the ride.

I'm excited to see Miks face on her first day at a new school, I can't wait to hear about her meeting new kids.. I'm hoping to get her into a smaller school so she gets more hands on teaching.. I'm looking forward to her actually being in kindergarten instead of having to keep up with a first grade class when she's supposed to be a kindergartener. I can't wait to take her to the beach again, and Disney World...

I think this is going to be a great thing for us. I'm gonna miss Kroger cuz I'm addicted to Big K.. lol I'm gonna miss our friends here, but they can always visit and we'll visit them.. I'm gonna miss walking upstairs to see my gma, I'm gonna miss knowing ppl who can fix my car, or help me with whatever I need, but I'll find that down there too. I'm a friendly person, never had a problem making friends.

So anyone who reads my blog that lives near Orlando, let me know and we'll finally get to meet. hehe ;)

I'm happy about this, I wish everyone else could be happy for me too. =)

28 28 28 28

2009-03-08T08:53:00.000-07:00

It's getting closer and closer each day.. hehe 28 days from today and we are leaving! =)

My last day at work is the 20th, last paycheck 2 days before we leave...

Already have where we're staying lined up, got the truck reserved with a tow dolly to pull the poor van behind us.. lol We'd considered driving it but I don't think her is healthy enough for a drive like that, so we decided to pull it instead.

We're also gonna take a family day to Disney World about as soon as we get down there. I've never been to Disney, and neither has Mikayla, Sean went when he was like 8 years old... so it should be lots of fun for us. =)

I'm so excited though. I'll miss our friends here, but obviously Louisville isn't offering us anything so it's time for a change.

28 more days!! ;) lol

not so anon this time haha

2009-03-05T08:01:00.001-08:00

I realize the purpose of the Other HNT site is anonymity... lol but theres quite a few that wanted to see my new *addition*.... so just this once, I'ma tell you, go look at the Other site and you can see a pic of it. =)

Beaches Bitches

2009-03-03T15:15:00.000-08:00

So, I'm not supposed to announce this because I haven't told all my family yet, so if you're family and read this, please keep it to yourself til I get to tell grandma myself. lol But we are moving. =)

My reason for putting it on my blog is that I need advice.

I know a couple of my readers (Denielle, Moose, Andy) have all moved from one state to another. Denielle, I'd especially like your advice because you've got kiddos. Sean and I moved to arkansas before we had Mikayla with less than 500 to our name and did just fine... but this time we're taking a good amount of cash with us and we've got a kiddo now.

We are also moving blindly, without jobs lined up. We are relying on what the people we know that live down there are telling us. I'm a workhorse tho.. lol I'm willing to work wherever pays me so I know I can find something. hell I work in a resturant NOW. lol

And I know the first question everyone has is Why are we moving and Why florida so lets just get this out of the way.. lol

Why are we moving?

Why not?

I hate Louisville, always have, always will. It offers nothing, jobs suck, cost of living is outrageous, and if i stay here I'm going to always be like I am now. Just like my parents... living check to check hoping nothing happens, then something will happen like it did to them, and I'll be screwed.. like they were.

I'm not close to my family, and I'm not saying anything bad to those who may be reading this, but you know as well as I do that I'm not close to anyone in my family. I live at my grandmothers house currently, in the basement so I see her daily, and I will miss her like crazy but I can't stay here just because of her. I just feel like Louisville is not where I'm meant to be.

I LOVED Arkansas. We moved there for my mom though, it wasn't for us. She was dating a man that lived there and she thought it was going to go somewhere, it didn't.. and when I got pregnant with Mik, we decided to move back here so Mik could be near Seans mom.

Literally, the only time Mik sees Seans mom tho is when we BEG her to babysit. She doesn't do the grandmother thing and take Mik on her own, she only keeps her when we ask her to, and even then she'll pick her up at like 6 pm friday bring her home at 10am saturday... it's never extended. So Mik's not going to miss much there.

But ever since we came back, I've wanted to leave again. Then mom got cancer... so I stayed of course. But now moms gone.. and dads gone... so why shouldn't I do what I've always felt I needed to do? I can always come back if it doesn't work.

Now Why Florida?

again.. Why not? lol

It's warm. =) I don't have many real reasons for our choice of place. We tried mountains in Arkansas, so this time lets try the beach. lol Maybe next time we'll try a different country even. I'd love to move out of country, even if just a year or so... that'll prolly be after my kid moves out tho. =)

We have friends that live where we're going already.. and they are friends that are into all the same things we are. They work for the radio station we dj for. Speaking of, I'm live at 8pm EST tonight (Tuesday) Tune in.. support me. hehe Wildliferadio.com

It sounds like fun, I'm excited... Mikayla is really excited. I think it'll be good for us.

But my questions are... Anything I need to know about transferring schools and stuff like that? I know I'll need to get immunization records and stuff like that... do I need her birth certificate cause I don't know where that is.. lol Any tips for making the transition easier for her? We're going to be staying at a weekly hotel for 2 weeks also... any hints on that?

And Moose... any tips for moving long distances with Cats? lol

So there ya go. That's whats been going on in my world. =)

Dear Anonymous.

2009-02-28T16:10:00.000-08:00

This was left as a comment on my last post.

Whatever! I'm sure you deserve to be stood up. You're FUGLY! Nasty grill, and yeah, it's really awesome that you have a picture of you on here sucking all up on Sean's "thingy". That's something I'm sure you're daughter would really want to see, huh? Friggin LOSER! An UGLY one at that.

It's so cute when people try to be rude... anonymously. lmmfao at least tell me who you are so that we may *chat* about your lovely little opinion. And last time I checked, my daughter didn't read my blog. Not that it's really your concern. But then again, I'm not even sure which picture your refferring to. Check out the Other HNT tho and I'm sure you can find Seans cock amongst those if u're checkin.

And whoever you are... Thanks for reading my blog. You're support turns me on. Bitch ;)

No, Not Sean. (or Russ) lol

2009-02-24T17:56:00.000-08:00

So I've been blown off and stood up for many different reasons in my life. And, like this time, theres been times when I knew it was going to happen. But it still sucks to know what someone else would rather be doing than hanging out with you. And I of course told em it was alright, I wasn't upset about it. And they believed me.. And they'll never read this so they'll never really know. And that's their loss.

Is how I'ma start looking at it anyway.

Not for the sqeamish, or kids... haha

2009-02-22T07:50:00.000-08:00

I did it. =) Said I was gonna and I did.. hehe

And let me tell ya, if you're in the Louisville area, I gotta reccomend Twisted Images. I have various tattoos and piercings that I've gotten from various tattoo parlors, but this one impressed me more than any I've seen. Definitley going back there! Amy was my piercer. She did wonders to make sure I didn't feel uncomfortable about it at all.

In case you weren't keeping up, I got a VCH piercing. I'd told ya to google it before.. lol it stands for Vertical Clitoral Hood piercing. It's not an actual *clit* piercing.. it's just the thin skin layer over top your clit... I didn't want to pierce thru nerves, I'm not that brave.. haha

But back to my story... I took my friend Candace with me. She got hers done about a year ago and I've thought about it for like 2 years now, so I'd told her that if she still liked hers in a year, and all went well with it, I'd go do mine finally. And she loves hers.. lol

I was under the impression that I'd be told to put my legs in those god awful ob/gyn stirrups.. lol but she didn't make me do that. I was thankful.. lol I don't like those things. Just had to spread em.. lol I asked her what to expect it to feel like and she told me it felt like a really hard bite and that she came off the table ready to punch someone when she had hers done....and that if I could refrain from it, she really didn't want to be punched.. lol

Now, I'm not gonna lie, it hurt a lil.. lol She takes a cotton ball and does this tickle test to see exactly where ur stimulation point is (that parts kinda nice lmao), then she cleans ya, and places a receiving tube where the needle will come out of your skin (this was kinda odd feeling) Then... she pushes the needle thru and MAN... it pinches.. lol I involuntarily locked my legs together, but it didn't phase her.. lol She gave me a breather for a few, then put in the jewelry. I jumped off the table, grabbed the mirror and checked out my new shiney junk... hehe I LOVE IT! That 2 seconds of pain is all i've felt so far, theres been so soreness to it really at all. I'm so impressed at how easy it is to heal up.

I won't post pics of it on this site for obvious reasons.. but I'm sure I'll send em to the Other HNT and theres a select few of you out there reading that know if you write and ask, I'll send you a pic. =)

So yay... I have more metal in my body and another hole god didn't intend. lmao I think that's it for my piercings now tho.. Time to get some ink. ;)

HHNT

2009-02-18T19:38:00.000-08:00

I'm not good with the click thru thing, I've been taught it twice now and still can't remember the code to do it.. haha so I'll just show em both. ;) Happy HNT... find me lurking elsewhere if ya can. ;)

Off My Phone

2009-02-14T17:37:00.000-08:00

I text Sean while I'm at work all day, and everyday i send him a pic to say Good Morning. =) These are from this past week.

Clean Clean HNT

2009-02-12T04:54:00.000-08:00

Fresh out the shower HNT. ;)